


What Will Be

by GirlWhoLovesMonsters



Series: New Modern Love [1]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Anal Play, Angst, Bloody, Comfort, Daddy Kink, Date planning, F/M, First Time, Fist Fight, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, I do not own characters, Kink, Love, M/M, Multi, Older Man/Younger Man, Sons Of Anarchy - Freeform, Spanking, Training, Written Letters, fight, mama venus, noncanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-10-18 07:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 86,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17576324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWhoLovesMonsters/pseuds/GirlWhoLovesMonsters
Summary: I don’t own these characters. This is non-cannon. It has vague references to SOA, but mostly it just focuses on the characters. Series title New Modern Love taken from Halestorm song.Amidst trying to turn the club legit and the police medaling in their affairs the club will have many ups and downs. Chibs and Juice find creative ways to handle the stress and bide their time. Will they ever leave Charming? Will the club pull together in just the nick of time?





	1. 1

Juice was hanging out at his house, mostly  wanting to keep to himself. He needed to get himself together, get his mind together, he was stressed out and not even the wind on his face from his bike was going to make relax him right now. He was always jumpy and all over the place, he had a hard time keeping his thoughts settled and himself from startling. He needed something to ground him but he didn't know what. Little did he know his best friend had some ideas of his own.

 

Chibs had been watching Juice for a while now, about two months. The lad just seemed to be spinning out of control. When he was at the shop he'd flinch all the time, when someone spoke to him he'd get all jumpy like he'd done something wrong. When he hung out with him at home he wasn't even relaxed, like he was hiding something. Chibs had grown concerned for the kid, he wanted to help him be better. He needed someone to take care of him, help him feel stable. The lad needed boundaries he wasn't good on his own. He'd dabbled in some alternative ways of life before, done what he needed to do to please a lover, but what his Juicey boy needed was more than a good fuck, he needed a commitment. Chibs needed to really wrap his head around how this needed to go. He started working it out in his head, what he'd initiate, what he'd then bring up to the lad when the time came. How he'd present the offer he wanted to make. Chibs hadn't touched another man since he himself was a lad of his teens, but Juice had always called to him. Made him ache. Since the first day he walked in with that big mega watt smile and those eyes you could get lost in. Chibs was a sucker for that boy, he was sure everyone knew it. He had his doubts of course, what if he acted on his feelings and Juice turned him down, all of this would be for not and he could lose a friend. Though the way Juice acted around him sometimes he didn't think he'd stop him, not if he knew it was genuine.

 

"Tig. I need yer help with something brotha." Chibs pulled Tig aside in the clubhouse. He knew his brother had a different lifestyle, a man known for his indulgences, his most recent. Venus. He was smitten with the likes of her.

 

"What do you need brother?" Tig asked, swinging and arm casually over Chibs shoulder.

 

"I need yer confidence."

 

"Always." Tigs piercing blue eyes looked intensely into Chibs, knowing he was serious and needed something important.

 

"Coul' yee come ta my house later? It ain't club business. It's personal."

 

Tig squeezed Chibs shoulder. "Yeah brother. I'll be there."

 

Juice was sitting on his couch still. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to do anything. Chibs had called him earlier, he didn't answer it. He knew he'd want to hang out. He didn't feel safe hanging out with him, not with all the thoughts in his head lately. He'd never thought about another man, but something about Tig flaunting his relationship with Venus, the man whom states with fine confidence that she knows she's a woman, made the wheels in his head start turning. When he was a teen he'd had some thoughts, not about anyone in particular, more about bodies, and body parts. Then he had sex the first time with his girlfriend and it was spectacular for teenage sex and he stopped having those thoughts, or he'd at least pushed them away. Now they were creeping up and this time the body was specific and it had a face. Chibs face. Last night he'd been jerking off to a great Red Woody flick and then suddenly he was in his own movie in his head, and Chibs was on top of him, guiding him through the motions because he didn't know what to do. Even in his fantasies he couldn't shake his timid demeanor. But with Chibs he was okay, Chibs would take care of him and teach him, because Chibs knew everything. That's his perception anyway. Chibs is his best friend, his confidant, his go to for advice, and he's always right. Of course Chibs would tell him how to cum with his cock burried deep inside him. That's the part that got him all shook up and jumpy now. He came with force at the thought of it, but why? He didn't know. Where did that even come from? He'd never thought this before. Why did he always want what he could never have?

 

"Hey brother." Chibs opened the door for Tig letting him in. "Want a beer?"

 

Tig nodded and sat on the couch, as Chibs went into the kitchen to get him one and brought it to him. He was sipping on one himself and from the looks of the redness in his cheeks it wasn't his first.

 

"What's up Chibs?"

 

"I need yee ta tell me how ta have sex properly with someone whose... um... different." Chibs struggled with his words l trying to find the right ones and actually trying not to be offensive. He loved Venus and he loved her for being with Tig and for loving Tig when so many others would not. She was good for him.

 

Tig looked astonished. "What the fuck brother? What are you asking me?"

 

"I'm asking ye how ta do it and not hurt yee lover. I ain't ever done nothing like this before and I don't want ta go in blind when I'm expecting them to trust me. I need to help 'em. Love 'em. I know it will get there and I don't want ta be unprepared when it does."

 

"This person like my Venus?" Tig rubbed his hands over his face and stared at the man. He was trying to read him. Was he fucking with him or being genuine. He also remembered all the conflict and confusion in the beginning and he figured he should also prepare Chibs for that as well. That's the hardest part, dealing with your own guilt for possibly hurting that beautiful creature and not physically.

 

"Naw, not like yer Venus. I've not felt this way since I was a wee lad in Glasgow. Then I started thinking of all these other things and those things led to some other things that led to these things that let me ta yee. He's a man."

 

"Holy shit Chibs!" Tig stood up from his seat and stared down at a wide eyed Chibs. This is not what he expected. "Are you telling me your gay now?"

 

"Naw. I ain't gay. I love pussy and tits. I love women, but this lad gets me turned inside out."

 

"Wow." Tig sat for a moment and the divulged the most basic secrets to him of his precious love making to his Venus. He told him about prepping, going slow, making sure to be attentive, paying attention to the rest of the body, not just the bullseye.He told him how he takes his time, how he waits until her legs are shaking with need before he slips inside of her. He did mention how it could be different with a man, but the hole would be the same, so he may not require all the attention but the preparations are mandatory. Tig wasn't really sure, he figured if he liked it, and he did, Venus had done everything but penetrate him, that he'd done with her. He loved it all. If he liked it, this boy should too.

 

"So, what if the club finds out though?" Tig asked, genuinely concerned. He knew how Chibs got when he was smitten, and if this boy turned into more than a one time play thing, the club would find out.

 

"They accept your relationship."

 

"Yes but Venus is a woman, and a business partner at Diosa, as well as an asset at times. She's proven herself, more than any croweater ever has. She's more than earned that respect."

 

"Maybe with time, if its not flaunted. I ain't causing no problems."

 

"He's already hooked you?" Tig smirked.

 

Chibs couldn't fight the grin, he was long since taken with Juice. He just couldn't place the feeling then.

 

"We haven't even gone out or anything. I just like em is all."

 

"Well good luck brother. Let me know. I gotta run. My lady is waiting for me this evening." Chibs stood and walked him to the door taking his bottle from him. He sat back in his couch and typed out a text to Juice.

 

It was time, he was flipping the switch. He wanted Juice to come to him in a way so he wasn't intruding and pushing himself onto him in this situation but he wanted and needed to care for him. He wanted to dominate him, to be his Master. He knew that. He just had to start sending the waves and then he'd bring it up.

 

 **Chibs: I called earlier. Thought you wanted to hang out tonight**.

 

Ping

 

Juice: I'm not feeling so great. I wanna stay in.

 

**Sounds good. I'll be over in an hour. Pick a movie, order some take out, tell me where, I'll pick it up.**

You don't have to do that. I'm no fun right now.

 

**Too bad lad. See you soon. I expect a food text.**

 

Juice looked at his phone for a minute and thought, with a huge grin. Chibs was a good friend. He picked a menu off the fridge and ordered the pizza and wings.

 

Paulys pizzaria. Pizza and wings. I have beer. You still have about half a case of Guinness. See you soon. :)

 

**Good lad! See you soon! :P**

 

Juice sat back on his couch reading the last text over and over. He didn't know why but it reminded him of that fantasy. This was going to be a long night, he still had to pick a movie. He looked for one with absolutely no sex in it at all. He ended up settling for Despicable Me, he knew it was childish but it was safe and they'd probably talk the whole time anyway.


	2. 2

By the time Chibs had gotten there with the food, Juice was all but vibrating with nerves. He'd left the door in locked so the man could let himself in, he lay stretched out on the sofa.

"Juicey? Where ya at lad?"

"In here. Waiting for you. I'm not very hungry Chibs."

"Aye? Ye have a fever?"

"No, I just don't feel that great. Told you I'd be no fun today."

Chibs grumbled something to himself, and went back into the kitchen. When he came back into the living room he had a beer for himself and a Sprite for the other. "Here ye numpty, this'll help your belly. Ye pick a movie?"

Juice nodded, sitting up to accept the drink. "It's there on the table. Unless you want something else."

Chibs picked up the case and chuckled. "Okay. I'll put it in for us." Chibs put the movie in and came back over to the couch, sitting beside the other man. "You can lay back the way you were. I won't bite ye."

At first Juice just looked at him like he was crazy, but once the man started to pull him down he went as if his limbs had been turned to jello.

He laid his head down in the other mans lap and looked around trying to process the events of the day. He wasn't sure what had led them here but he was both terrified and glad. As the movie began to play Chibs started to run his fingers through the other mans hair and over his tattooed scalp in a circular pattern. Juice let out a pleased sigh and nestled down into his lap letting himself relax.

"Whas been with ye Juicy? Yeve been wound up."

"I'm fine Chibs really. Just a lot going on in my head."

"Ye haven't been at the clubhouse lately. Been having to track ye down. Jax is getting concerned about yer commitment."

Juice tensed. He was committed to the club. That was his family. He would do anything for them. Being on the front lines though was a bit much for him. He was stressing out.

"I just, I'm committed. I am. I just sometimes I need to be alone."

"Juicy boy." Chibs used his most stern voice, causing goosebumps to raise over Juices body his body to flush. "Ye and I both know yer not good on yer own. Now quit lyin ta me and tell me what's going on so I can help ye."

"It's true. I have to clear my head. I have to get away." He sat up in a panic trying to defend himself. "I mean I'm not good on my own, no. We know that, you know that. But I'm all I've got most of the time."

"Ye have me ye numpty. Ye always have me. Ye can call me."

"I can't always just talk about it Chibby. Sometimes I don't have words. I just need someone to understand..." his voice broke and the tears flowed freely now, he didn't even care, this seemed to be what Chibs wanted.

"It's okay Juicey. Just say what ye can. I'm not going to judge you for feeling. Come 'ere, lay back down."

"You're my only friend Chibs. Like the only person I don't feel like has some sort of M.O that will change behind my back in a split second. Like everyone else I feel like they tolerate me."

"The others like you fine Juice. You have friends outside the club. Yeah?"

"Not really. I mean online. Sure. But I left all that behind when I came here. The Sons are my family now Chibs. I'm pretty sure they like me as much as my blood."

"Juice..."

"No one even noticed I left Chibs. Back home. No one noticed. I have the same number available , no ones called. Everyone from the club is always hanging out and shit, I'm never invited. It's like I never upgraded from prospect man. So I've built no real friendships, I just run the shit I'm told to run and do what I'm told to do. At the end of the day I'm alone or drunk with some crow eater and that's not what I want."

Chibs looked at him dumbfounded for a minute. He hadn't really realized the kid felt that way. He always seemed happy for the most part and they hung out a lot.

"We hang out. I'm sorry ye feel like ye canna tell me shit or whatever. I didn't realize ye had so much doubt and loneliness going on. I leave ye alone so I wasn't a bother. I'd come do this every day with ye. Just to spend time with ye."

Juice looked up at him, scrunching his brow.  
"Can we watch the movie now? I don't want to talk anymore."

"Aye. Ye numpty. Let me go get the pizza. Ye need ta eat too." He chuckled as he slipped out from under him. On his way back he noticed how Juice looked, his face looked worried yet happy at the same time.

"Whas on yer mind?"

"Just thinking. How much do you mean it? Like if I told you something you didn't want to know?"

"Did ye rat?"

"No"

"Did ye fuck my daughter or my ex wife in Belfast?"

"Geez no!" He replied with his face twisted in horror.

Chibs sat the pizza down and moved closer to him, enough so he was intimidatingly inside his personal space. Juice could feel his breath on him, as he looked up to meet his gaze from where he still sat on the couch. He felt his own breath hitch, this is what he was afraid of. Chibs would find out how bad he wanted him, the thoughts he'd been having. Chibs would hate him. His mind raced, he wasn't sure what to do. He braced for a punch.

"Are ye needing something ye can't get from the crow eaters?" His voice was husky and thick.

Juice swallowed thickly and nodded with his eyes wide.

"What's that Juice? Hmmm? Tell me?"

Juice just looked at him, he felt like an hour had passed when really it had only been a few seconds probably. His mouth was dry, he felt Chibs eyes bore into him.

"Um... someone to take it away."

"Mmmhmm. "Take what Away?"

"Responsibility's, trouble, stress. Someone to be in control for me. So I can't fuck up."

"Ye think I wouldn't wanne be that person Juicy? Hmmm?"

Juices eyes raced around the room, he tried to think, would be? Did he know what that meant? What was happening?

"I don't know. I mean I didn't really think so."

"Well yer wrong Juicy. I meant that I'm here for ye. Slowly, I'll take that from ye. Ye tell me when you can what ye want. We'll talk about it. Right now let's eat and watch the movie. Yer getting overwhelmed."

Juice let out an exasperated sigh and slumped against the sofa. Chibs took the seat next to him and opened the pizza box.

"Eat Juice. You gotta eat."

Juice took a slice of pizza and nibbled. He wanted to lay back on his lap, that felt the best. The movie started and Juice was sucked in, mindlessly eating his pizza. Chibs was glad he seemed to feel better as the movie played on. Once he finished what he was going to eat of the pizza he pulled the other man back into his lap and rubbed his head.

Juice nuzzled his thigh openly this time, glad that this seemed to be okay. He felt okay with this, if Chibs wanted to help him, to take care of his needs then he was going to let him. He hoped he didn't become too needy to fast, but dammit this lap and head rubbing felt so good he knew this was going to at least be a routine thing.


	3. 3

I’m There's music blaring from the clubhouse, the Sons were perched in various places around, chatting up various crow eaters. The doors to Chapel were closed tight and the men were glad. Tonight had been rough. Now they were in drugs. No one really wanted it, but none of them really wanted to vote no.

Juice finished his beer and sat it on the floor, returning his attention to the girl on his lap. She was cute. Blonde, big blue eyes, cute smile, no work done, which was the way he liked them. She rubbed one of her small hands over his head and giggled asking him about his tattoos. He smiled, opened his mouth to answer her only to be cut off by a very drunk Scot.

  
"The numpty lad di na know ne be'er!" He shouted, his thick accent getting thicker with drink.

The girl laughed cutely, sweeping strands of hair behind her ear and then looked to Juice for a translation.

  
Juice grinned in understanding laughing at Chibs. "Ah, our drunken Scot here said, the idiot boy didn't know any better?" Juice shrugged looking at Chibs for confirmation.

He pointed his beer at them and winked.  
"Ye two have a good night hm."

The girl blushed and nodded. Juice continued talking to her into the night.

Chibs sat on one of the couches in the back watching. He had mingled with his brothers, but he had also been watching Juice as he flirted with his date. He was back at this feeling again. He wasn't jealous about it, he was bothered by it, not that he was doing it. It was how. He had been keeping track of infractions without realizing it, as he sat here he was comparing this night to others. He rubbed his face with his palms.

"You alright brother?" Bobby asked with genuine concern sitting himself next to Chibs on the couch towards the back of the club.

"Yeah, -he sighed hard-  Just exhausted brother." He clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe drank a wee bit too much. Gonna bunk down here. Having fun watching all the guys in good spirits. Ye understand? The lads they need a good time, get their shite in order. A good hangover to cure this dark clouds we've been living in."

He slumped back against the couch, when he looked up he noticed Juice was gone as well as his date.

Chibs managed to get Chuckys attention, calling him over to where he sat.

"Hey, ye see bout maybe playing some better tunes, and getting an old man a drink."

Chucky nodded, but noted his drunken demeanor. "How about a cold water?"

Chibs leaned on his hand and nodded. "Whatever." Waving him off.

Chucky went to the bar and got the water, but he stopped when he saw Gemma. "Gemma, I think Chibs has maxed out."

Together Chucky and Gemma got Chibs to his dorm, and put away for the night. The party outside raged on.

  
Juice and his girl for the night had made their way back to the party, Juice had almost immediately noticed Chibs had gone. He entertained the night with his brothers and the girl until the morning hours.

The following morning, as light began to stream into the clubhouse, bodies lay about in various stages of undress across the room. The females had started leaving, causing the Sons to stir.

Juice stumbled slowly down the hall, wanting to piss and fall into a bed. Sleep off the hangover. He went into his dorm, closed the door. As soon as he lay down the disaster that was his thoughts began to rage around him. What he and Chibs discussed, his night, how he wished Chibs was rubbing his head now because it hurt so much. He slowly began to drift to a restless sleep.

Several hours later he was woken by the sound of his name being called in thick accent.  
"Juicy Boy. You alive? Hey? Wake up lad. We've got business."

He slowly opened his eyes, trying to stifle the grin on his face upon seeing Chibs face.

"I'm awake. What business? Thought today was a free day."

"Boyo, ye know there are no free days. Jax needs us ta go on a run. Me and ye. Nothin' big obviously. Get up, get a shower or whatever. Let's go."

Juice flopped back against the bed, as Chibs left, Juice smiled to himself excited they would get to spend the day together. He hoped it was somewhere far off. He really wanted to finish his conversation with Chibs.

He slowly rolled out of bed and started the shower. "It's gonna be a good day." He sighed stepping into the water.

"Not if ye don't hurry up!" Chibs yelled through the bathroom door, startling Juice but also making him laugh.


	4. 4

They'd reached city limit to LA. Juice couldn't fathom what in the world they would be doing here but he pressed on, they'd been riding for a while and he was tired. When they finally turned down a side street that looked like it had potential for stopping he was glad. His ass was numb and literally vibrating after four hours without stopping.

  
Chibs signaled left so he followed him again turning onto a one way residential street. Juice scrunched his face in confusion as Chibs pulled into a driveway and got off his bike.

"What are we doing here? Robbing someone?" Juice tried to laugh but it came out more awkward than anything.

"Naw boyo. This here is my secret getaway. Ye can keep a secret yeah?"

Juices eyes got bigger than usual as he looked questioningly at Chibs.

"I know, unexpected eh? I got it when I came to America before I joined the Sons. Originally I intended to bring my family here, but they never wanted to come. I kept it anyway, it's my bachelor pad, escape of sorts now."

Juice scratched his head and tried to understand.

"You said, we had a job. Jax knows about this place then? Why doesn't the club use it as a safe house or something?"

Chibs grabbed Juices collar and shoved him against the siding of the house. He took a deep breath looking over the boys expression. It was expectant but laced with a touch of fear.

"The club doesn't know. You're the only one who knows. Ye can't tell em lad. Ye were right earlier, we had a free day, I lied to bring ye here. Ye seemed like ye could use a break and... -he relaxed his grip on the other man and let him slump against the house- I thought maybe spending the day together away from it all would be fun."

Juice smiled at the statement. He couldn't think of anything he'd rather do. Besides of course get his nerves to calm down and stop thinking about Chibs inappropriately.

"Fun. Yeah... I could use a break." He breathed shallowly and nodded.

"I don't think that's all ye could use." Chibs chuckled under his breath.

Juice adjusted his cut and followed the other man into the house.

It was immaculate, the complete opposite of the Chibs, Juice knew. The house was modernly and chicly decorated, and it was huge inside. Everything was tidy and nothing overwhelming. Art pieces adorned the walls, a book shelf with more books than anyone could possibly read, a few nic-naks here and there, everything matched and belonged. The walls in the main entrance were a light grey, leading into the living room where they were also grey with one royal blue accent wall. Picture windows adorned one side of the room and the hardwood floors were a deep grey-ish color as well. The room was almost clinical in how neat it was, barely anything noting anyone lived in the home.

"Ch-Chibs man, what is this?"

"Ye don't like it? I had it redecorated a few months ago. It was outdated. I was gonna put it on the market but I thought of better uses."

"I mean, I like it. It just doesn't look like something you'd do. Ya know?"

"But ye would, no? I took some notes from yer apartment, figuring ye'd mesh with the younger crowd that might want to buy this place."

"Yeah. This is like a dream for real. If I ever didnt love alone, I'd buy this house."

Chibs took in the words the boy said. He removed his cutte and hung it, gesturing he do the same.

"This is a no club territory. No cuttes, no drama, no blood nor bullets. Ye hear me lad? This is important."

He nodded, taking a breath again.

"Alright, well let me show you the rest of the house then. Since ye like it. Maybe I can weasel out a few more days huh?"

"Sure. Should we park our bikes in the garage?"

Juice mentioned as it occurred to him, anyone would recognize their bikes.

"Aye. We will. I have a cage for driving 'round here."

"A cage?"

"A car ye numpty!" Chibs laughed and swung his arm over the boys shoulder leading him into the next room.

Everything seemed fairly ordinary, kitchen, bedroomm, bathroom, office, another room but he didn't open that door.

"I keep that door locked. Everything Fiona sent over back then is in there. I can't let go of Kerriannes things. Don't ever go into tha room ye hear?"

"I understand. I won't." Juices eyes were big and serious, he nodded, inside he was hoping he didn't somehow fuck this up too.

The rest of the tour went on, another bathroom, another bedroom, an empty bedroom. A brief moment of panic went up Juices spine. So far there'd only been one bed, in the Master room. Maybe he was meant to sleep on the couch. They were only staying the night after all.

"That's about it boyo. Let's go move our bikes and get some chow. I'm starving. Oy, there's one of those vegetarian places near here. There's lots of them in this hippie collage town. I know ye like that shite."

"We can eat whatever man. I'm not picky." Juice tried to sound firm but he knew his voice wavered.

"Well picky or not, I brought ye here to have a good time and relax that head of yers. So vegetarian it is. I'm sure they have something I can eat. Probably better for me anyway in my old age."

"You're not old Chibby, -Juice cleared his throat, realizing he'd called him his secret name out loud.-Chibs. You're just older than me, but everyone is older than me. Babies look older than me."

He tried to joke, but he saw the look on the other mans face.

"What did ye call me?"

"Ch-Chibs."

"No, before tha' What was that?"

Juice looked at the floor, afraid to look at the other mans face. "Chibby" He whispered.

Chibs tilted his head upward by his chin and smiled.

"I like it. Here, ye can call me Chibby. Or Fillip, I'd rather not be Chibs in my fortress."

"Oh, um should I not be Juice then?"

"Juicey boy... ye can be whomever ye wanna be. Behind these doors were safe from it all. Ye hear me?"

He rested his hand on the boys cheek and gave him a pat before pulling him into a hug.

"Juan C-Carlos? I can just be Juan Carlos."

Those big brown eyes were big as the moon. Chibs wondered about the stuttering, he hadn't done that so much before.

"Not just Juan Carlos. Boyo, tha is who ye are. Be proud of tha. I am. Yer my Juan Carlos, my best friend, my partner in most crimes."

Chibs spoke with great bravado, smiling with genuine pride. Juice smiled as well.

"Okay. I am Juan Carlos." Chibs clapped him on the neck, pulling him into another hug. "And you are Fillip, AKA Chibby..."

Juice was muffled by his face being crammed into the other mans chest.

"Aye, just for ye lad. Just for ye."

The finally made their way out of the house and moved their bikes into the garage. Juan's eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree when he saw the car that was parked.

"That's what we're going to be driving around in?" He chirped.

"Aye, something wrong with it?"

"No! It's amazing!"

"Ye wanna drive?"

His eyes went wide again and his mouth hung open in disbelief. The perfectly kept '69 Ferrari Dino sitting in front of him was begging him to drive it, he couldn't believe he would be trusted to do so.

"I mean yeah. But are you sure. Look at her, what if I fuck something up."

"Ye won't fuck up anythin'. Yer a good driver. Otherwise I wouldn't have offered."

He tossed the keys at the other man and got into the passenger seat. Juan Carlos followed, unable to control the mega watt smile on his face.

"That's a smile I wish to see more of kiddo. Ye have a good one. If the power went out, yer smile could light the way."

"Don't tease me. I can't help it, I'm excited."

"And I'm not teasin'. Now I'll tell ye where to go. Don't touch my radio."

Juan nodded, as he giggled at the Celtic sounding music coming from the speakers. "So many surprises."

"Aye. Make a left at the end of this road."


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to highlight their lunch experience.  
> I also hate that my formatting doesn’t translate.

The restaurant was simple, nothing particularly fancy. It was modernly decorated and aesthetically fluid.  
A man with a smile to rival Juan's greeted them as they entered.

"Welcome to Promised Land. Take a seat where you're comfortable and I'll be right with you."

  
Juan had his hands shoved into his pockets and appeared stiff as Filip led them over to a table by the window.

  
"Excellent seat. Have you eaten here before?" The man asked as he handed them a menu. Both men shook their heads no.  
"Awesome! You'll be delighted. My name is Mark, I'm actually the owner. We're vegetarian and vegan, all the vegetables are either grown on our farm or purchased locally. We do have seasonal menus because of that. So you'll have to come back to try the other menus as well." He chuckled.

"The menu notates what is in the dishes, marking them vegetarian or vegan. Take your time, if you have any questions let me know. I'll bring out some water in the mean time."

Juan was smiling and trying not to laugh at Filip, who looked polite enough but very confused.

"So Fillip, whadya be having?"

"Boy, do not tease me. This menu is not even in English."

Juan lost it, he let out a giggle that warmed Fillips soul. It was the first genuine laugh he'd heard from the man in a long time.

"Here are your waters. Would you like any other drinks? Maybe a beer?"

"Aye! That'd be great lad."

"No thank you. Just a Coke please." Juan answered quietly with his bright smile.

"What part of Scotland you from?"

Fillip raised a brow. "No one ever pegs it on the first go. Glasgow, but I actually grew up in Belfast."

"My husbands family is from Elgin. Anyway, need another minute or ready to order?"

Juan laughed again.

"Why do ye keep snickering at me ye daft lad?"

"He has no idea what anything is. He's a pretty hardcore meat eater."

Marks eyes perked up at that.

“Well that's very nice of him to bring you here. Not many macho guys'll do that, ya know. I'll fix ya up something you'll love or it's free. Are you vegan or vegetarian?"

His last question was directed to Juan.

  
"Vegetarian. Thank you."

  
Mark nodded, winked at Juan with a smile and walked away.

  
"What was tha? He winked at ye? Does his husband know he goes around winking at daft lads who pick on their dates?"

Juan choked on his water for a second before giggling again. "He was being nice Chibby. Are you jealous? Hmmm?"

"Frankly, a little." He dramatically huffed playing along.

"Also we are not on a date. So picking on you is fair game."

Chibs puffed air as if he were offended. Then he smiled at Juan Carlos, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He seems to think we are."

Juan's face reddened and he looked away. Mark returned with their drinks and nodded at them.

"Ah, what is it lad? Don't close up on me. I was only teasin ye."

"I know. Just. It doesn't bother you that someone thinks we're together? I mean... I don't know what I mean." He sighed.

"Naw. I'd rather it be ye than Bobby or Tig!"

  
That got them both laughing.

  
Mark brought out two plates of food and sat them down.

  
"Let me know what you think." He smiled proudly and went to the back.

"I'm just gonna try it. Don't worry bout explaining it to me. Eat up Juan Carlos."

After a mostly silent meal Fillip laid his napkin down and smiled.

  
"Tha was amazing! Now what the hell was it?"

"It hurts Chibby, stop making me laugh so much."

"Room for dessert? Looks like your meat eater enjoyed it."

Fillips eyes went wide at Juan's flushed face and he smiled.

“Yep yer meat eater loved it. But wha was it?"

  
"Veggie rigatoni. Glad you enjoyed it. Cake?"

Fillip looked at Juan, who shook his head no. "No thank you. We're both stuffed!" Fillip answered for them.

He paid the tab and the walked to the car.  
"Well that was a good pick yeah?"

"Yes Fillip you did good. Thank you."

Once they were back at the house anxiety started creeping in again. He didn't know what he was going to do being here with Chibs for days. He did know his facade was cracking and he was certain the other man knew.


	6. 6

Fillip could tell how tense Juan had gotten. He was jumpy and skittish again. He had sat himself down on the sofa but he didn't move, he was very stiff and awkward. He sat with his hands between his knees on the edge of the seat, eyes taking the room in.  
"Ye wanna tea or somethin lad?" 

"N-no thank you Chibs- um. I mean Fillip." 

Fillip chuckled. "Is alright lad. Takes some gittin used too. Callin you Juan Carlos ain't so simple ye numpty. Wats got you call perched up?"

Juan shook his head and swallowed. "Just in a new place."

"Tha's not all. An I know it. Lad don't lie to me." He sat beside the man on the couch, pulling him into his side casually. He rubbed circles into the sides of his head. Juan relaxed a little but he was still tense.

"Where am I gonna sleep tonight?" He all but whispered against the others mans chest.

"Where ever yer comfortable. If tha's wha yer worried about, don't." 

"Are w-we gon-gonna talk about the other night?"

"When yer ready we can. Nothin to rush."

"I-I am ready. I need to get it over w-with. Stressing over it." 

"Ah. Okay. Well. I'm here. Say whatever ye need to. Take yer time lad."

He swallowed, and sat up, turning so he could look at the other man. He fiddled with his fingers, looking at Fillips face and then the couch again, back and fourth.  
"Did you mean what you said? That you want to help me?"

"Of course. Tha's why we're here." Fillips heart raced in his chest. He knew he had decided he wanted the lad to come to him, but he didn't know what the lad would want, what conditions he may have. Would he want the same thing he wanted? Really? When it came down to reality, and practicality would he commit to Fillip that way? How would this work within the club? Thoughts were rapid firing and he realized the lad was staring at him concerned.  
Fillip took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you Chibby. I shouldn't have said all that." He looked down at the couch sadly.

"Woah woah dammit now lad. Ye haven't freaked me out. Slow down." He was mentally kicking himself, because of his own thoughts he'd missed what the kid had said, thus he felt like he'd already failed. "I'm sorry lad. My head took off and I didn't get everything you said. Tha's my own fault. Will you please tell me again?" He lifted his chin with the crook of his finger smiling sweetly at him.

Juan nodded, seeming much more relaxed than he had.  
"I said that, I'm a lot to handle. I have all the weird fucked up thoughts and I don't think you could imagine what they consist of. If you knew I'd be scared you wouldn't actually like them. I mean I know babbled some nonsense about wanting someone to help take care of me and such but I don't even know how to explain what I want because I'm not even really sure. I just know when I'm around you my head feels clearer but then I get all nervous because I'm going to fuck up what we have by saying something stupid. I mean I've never explored anything unconventional outside the internet and the crow eaters are occasionally into some kinky stuff but it doesn't fill the void I have this desire I have. I feel like I need your approval. I need you to be proud of me. I do everything you say because I need too. I don't know why Chibby. I now being gay is wrong and shit. I know the club with not be okay with that but I think I am. Or Bisexual? I don't know. I'm so fucked up."  
He was quickly rambling again. Fillip let him, listening to every word this time.  
"Yer not fucked up lad. Confused and complicated sure, but not fucked up. I am proud of ye. I doubt there's anything ye can tell me that would scare me off. Always be honest with me Juicy Boy. Always. I love ye. Ye know that. I meant what I said, I can be tha person for ye Juan. We just have to talk about what that means to each of us. As far as the club goes, we tell them what we have to, when we have too. I'll handle tha." 

Juan settled back against Fillips side, and relaxed. He let out a sigh.  
"Feel better?" 

"Yes, for now. Thanks Chibby." 

"Okay boyo. Let's hang out for the rest of the afternoon. We can pick up the rest later. Ye seem tired." 

Juan was already asleep, breathing shallowly against him. He turned himself on the couch and laid his head back, thinking now would be a good time for a nap. He'd have to order out dinner as well tonight, or go to the store. He opened his phone and sent Jax and Tig a message that they'd be out a few more days.  Jax's only concern was that Juice get his head right. They all agreed this trip should help. No one knew where they were, when they'd be home. No one knew what he had planned. 

He let himself relax against Juan, holding his limp sleeping body close, he drifted into a calm sleep.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any errors. I haven’t actually rechecked this one for them. I was just too excited to publish it. 
> 
> Also the conversation they have is briefly summarized. If this were real life an extensive conversation would happen. Please don’t jump into anything with anyone without first talking and setting boundaries.

By the time they woke up, it was dark outside. Juan shifted, rolling over to stretch. His cheeks flushed when he realized he had drooled on Fillips leg where his head had been resting. Fillip responded to the movement opening his eyes to see if Juan had woken up. He saw his big bright eyes looking up at him with a smile as he stretched his arms above his head. Fillips neck protested with an aching crack at being moved at all. 

"Good nap Boyo?" 

Juan nodded. He didn't want to speak, he wasn't sure what would come out. His secret feelings were bubbling to the surface and all he could do was smile and nod. He hoped after he woke up good, he'd get his head back right. 

"Ye hungry again? We can order some dinner before it gets too late."

He shook his head no. After a moment he rolled himself off the couch and walked to the bathroom. Once inside he relieved his aching bladder and then walked over to the sink, splashing water on his face.  
He looked in the mirror and sighed. "Snap out of it Juice. If he's gonna help you, it's not going to be in your pants." He splashed his face again and left the bathroom once he'd dried it.

He made his way down the hall and into the kitchen where he heard Fillip talking to someone. He tended at the sound of his voice, not wanting anyone to know where they were. He realized he was on the phone, ordering dinner and he felt much less stressed out about it.  
"Aye. No meat in the noodles. Keep the chicken in a separate container. I ain't tryin to traumatize anyone." 

Juan giggled. He thought Fillip was taking his vegetarianism way to seriously but he appreciated it. No one ever accommodated him before, he just ate around what he didn't want so as not to be a bother. 

Fillip finished his call and turned around, planting his hands on his hips he raised a brow at the still laughing Juan. 

"Whas so funny? Share with the rest of the class." 

"Just you, trying to explain vegetarian to them. I'm sure they know what it means Chibby. Just cause you don't get it." He shook his head, still smiling teasingly.  
Fillip had decided he'd pull out information he needed as inconspicuously as he could. What better way than making a joke. He could gauge the kids reaction, and see what was in his spectrum of needs that he thought was going to be so offensive. 

"Keep teasing me. I'm gonna pull ye over my knee and teach you a thing or two Mister." He joked back with a smirk. 

Juan's eyes went big and he stopped laughing. Mentally he panicked. Did he know he wanted him to do that? He shouldn't want him to, but he did. His wheels started turning. How could he provoke the situation? Surly the man wasn't being serious. Right? What if he was? The key to Juan's desires was just a few jokes away. 

"Betcha won't." He bounced his brow challengingly, smirking at the other man. 

Exactly the reaction Fillip had hoped for. Once he could get the boy to calm down enough he'd get him to talk about guidelines, wants and needs. Thing he could do for him, and what he wanted from all this. Before anything could happen between them, this had to happen. 

"Boy. Don test me. Ye don know what I will or won't do. But I won't do shite without consent."

Juan's eyes widened in shock at the realization that he was serious. He waited for him to laugh, saying he was joking. It never came. He just stood their with his hands on his hips, eyeing him like a defiant child that needed an attitude adjustment. He felt like a defiant child who needed to be put into place. He wanted to be.  
"Oh..." he whispered. 

Fillip relaxed and chuckled. "Tha's what I thought Boyo." He grabbed his beer and walked into the living room, Juan hot on his heels. Fillip sat down, got comfortable. Juan stood in front of him, looking like a lost deer. Chest heaving, as he breathed harder. 

"I want you too!" He finally blurted out, causing the other man to choke on the sip he'd just taken. 

"I'm sorry what? Do ye even know what yer saying?"

"Y-Yes. It's part of what I was trying to explain." 

"Come sit down kiddo. We need to discuss some things. Now, I ain't gonna take ye over my knee just for fun. That ain't how what I think you've been explaining works. I mean maybe for some people, but it ain't for me. Ye understand?"

"Not really. I'm sorry." He looked at the floor, tensing up again.

"Hey look at me. You've not done anything wrong. Telling me the truth is the best thing. Dont hide those lovely eyes. Now you've told me a little bit about what's going on inside yer head. I'm going to tell ye what that means to me. Ye tell me if I'm correct. Then we'll go from there okay?"

Juan nodded. 

"Okay. Now you've said you need someone to help ye, making decisions, keeping you from fucking up, show ye things, teach ye things. Is that about a correct summary so far?" 

Juan nodded.

"Do ye know anything about alternative lifestyles?" 

Juan nodded, and then shook his head no. "I only know a little bit from what I've looked up online. But nothing serious."

"Okay. Thas a start. There are a lot of avenues as far of labels. I'm not a fan of those. I'm more of a build yer own kinda person. However from what I'm gathering, I could potentially place ye under the label of Submissive. Possibly even with a little side. Maybe not. But a definite need for someone to take control so ye can relax." 

Juan nodded, eyes big. "That's not weird to you. Men don't do that Chibby. I'm supposed to be a man. The Sons need a man. Not a weak sub who needs to be told what to do, and craves structure and discipline. I've seen freaky porn. There are so many things I've seen that I wanted to be girl in the video for. I mean I don't want to be a girl but you know."

"Calm down. Yer starting to fret again. I understand what yer saying. Needing something doesn't make ye any less of a man Juan. Knowing what ye need, and being brave enough to ask for it requires strength lad. The Sons ain't gonna know. This is between ye and me. Like I said I'll handle what I have too when the time comes. We can navigate this road. I'm sure their will be trial and error. Something you may think you'll like but then don't. Tha's okay. I'm here to guide ye. Let me guide ye."

"You're for real? Like you want to be a part of all this fucked up shit with me?"

Fillip nodded. "Yeah. If ye want me to be." Juan nodded. "Now we've gotta discuss some ground rules then."

"O-okay. Like what?"

"Well not just me. You got any hard limits? Sexual or otherwise?"

He scrunched his forehead thinking. "I don't want to be in actual pain. Like real pain."

"Okay. Can ye give an example of a yes and no situation for that?"

"Ummm. Like spanking would hurt but that would be okay. Needles in my skin would not be okay. I saw that in a movie once."

"Alright. We're probably on the same page then with that spectrum. If we're going to do this, ye need to understand what that means to me."

Juan nodded.

"I expect ye to obey me. I don't anticipate having full control over your life, but I do expect ye to accept my guidance. If ye do have a little side, I need to know when ye go there. At least until we get to know one another well enough that I can figure it out on my own. I won't have sex with ye in little space. If sex is a part of this for ye, then I expect to be your only lover unless discussed otherwise. If sex isn't a part of this for ye, that's also fine. We can ignore that rule. Ye will be mine, to protect, to respect, to nurture, and to love. I will be yours to seek comfort, to obey, to grow with, and also to love."

Juan's mouth was hanging open. He hadnt gotten past the prospect of sex with Fillip. That was an option he wanted so badly but didn't think was in the stars. 

"Ye alright?"

"Yes. All of that sounds perfect. We can take it day by day? Yeah? Figure out what's for us and what's not?"

"Of course. But some things we need to know going into it. As far as correction goes, do ye want that? I don't expect ye to be naughty on purpose, but in general do ye want that aspect of this sort of lifestyle?"

Juan nodded. 

"Okay. Backing up. The elephant in the room I believe is sex. Ye or nay?"

Juan nodded enthusiastically, hoping Chibby also wanted that.

"Ye accept the terms that come with tha? Have ye been tested?"

"Not since the party no. But before that yes. I always use protection also. You?"

"Aye. But we can go together."

"O-okay. So where does that put us? Like are you my boyfriend?"

Fillip laughed a hearty laugh. It was such an innocent question but he looked like he just asked for his PIN number with a gun pointed to his head.

"Aye if thas what ye want."

"What do you want though?" He looked at the floor again.

"Thas what I want. But I ain't gonna pressure ye into anything. This is all new to both of us in a way."

"So you're my boyfriend. I just can't tell anyone." He looked disappointed but he understood. Who could he tell anyway.

"Aye." Fillip took his hand in his own and laced their fingers with a sigh. He kissed the back of his hand. "Maybe one day we can tell the world huh? Until then let's just enjoy what we can and learn what we can. Eh?"

"Okay. I like this. Having our own world to retreat too. A safety bubble." He grinned.

"I'll always be yer safety bubble." 

A knock at the door let them know the food had arrived. Juan had that bubble in his chest again, the bubble that made him squirmy, and feel needy. He wanted to fidget and for Fillip to hold him. He wanted to be small enough for Fillip to carry around, but he knew that wouldn't happen. Maybe that's what Fillip had meant by a small side. He would have to ask.

"Chibby. What does it mean to have a small side?" He asked, voice shaking, as Fillip put food onto plates and sat them at the table. 

"Well it can mean several things to different people but the gist is that some people like to regress to a younger self. Be dependent on someone else. It can include many variables but none are required. Most importantly -he teased excitedly- the bigger person is called Daddy or Mommy depending. Make sense?"

Juan nodded. Yep that was definitely the bubble in his chest. He wanted to call Chibby Daddy all the time though. That just fit him he thought. 

"Can I call you Daddy all the time? It just suits you."

Fillip laughed. "Yes I suppose. So is tha somethin ye think ye need?"

Juan nodded. His face heating with shame. 

"I'm sorry. Is that bad? We don't have too."

"It's great. Juan calm down and stop second guessing everything. Tomorrow we can go into town and get ye some things ye might need for tha. Toys for sure. Ye think little ye will use the potty?"

Juan gasped in horror. He didn't even think that was an option and it wasn't one he wanted.

"Yes! Why wouldn't I?"

A chuckle. "Great. I was hoping you'd say yes. Ye will need some clothes though, most littles dress a little more comfortably I think. Food? Ye wanna try bottles or stickin with solids?"

Again a horrified face. "Normal food. I don't want to be a baby. Is that what this means? If so then I misunderstood." 

"No no. Ye can pick an age, or have multiple."

"Okay." He sighed in relief. "Comfy clothes sound nice though. Toys sound fun. I never had many of those."

"Well that's a start. We can hit up the adult toy store also. Take a look and see if anything gets yer attention."

Juan nodded, his cheeks red.

"I'm excited Chibby. Thank you. For this ya know."

"I'm excited too. Let's finish eating so we can get showered. I'm tired." He laced their fingers together again and smiled at Juan.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note:  
> bràmair is boyfriend in Scottish Gaelic. (According to Google Translate)

 Juan yawned and stretched out against the soft bed. He didn't even remember going to bed last night but he guessed he must have. He rolled over to curl back up and savor a few more moments of comfortable until his bladder would beckon him up. However upon rolling he realized he wasn't in bed alone. For a brief moment he started to panic, and then he remembered. Chibbie, Fillip, his boyfriend lay beside him. His boyfriend. His brain started to spin, surely that had been a dream.  
Fillip turned over and looked at Juan with a smile. "Morning lovey" he rubbed his hand over his arm. "Whas in tha head? Hmm?"  
Juan smiled his biggest smile. "Morning Chibbie. It was real." He whispered.  
"Wha was real?"  
His face flushed, remembering their talk. He spilled his heart, told him what he wanted, what he needed. He made an agreement with Chibs.  
"Oh. Tha. Ye regret what we talked about?"  
Juan smiled and shook his head no. "I'm happy. I'm glad it was real."  
"Aye? Good then. I woulda been sad if yed said ye regretted bein my bràmair."  
"Oh... (he had no idea what Fillip just called him, but it sounded sweet coming from his mouth.) No regret." Juan sighed. He wanted to snuggle into him, but now his bladder was aching. "I gotta pee. Be right back."  
"Be right here."  
Juan shuffled back into the room, he smiled when he saw Fillip laying there. One arm above his head, a knee raised, laying casually as if what they were doing was completely normal. Juice couldn't comprehend it. He smiled anyway and went back to the bed.  
"Oi lad. Must've dozed back off. Ye startled me." Fillip yawned, stretching his long limbs, he tangled himself around Juan and pulled him down against him.  
"I didn't mean too." Juan giggled, nestling against the warmth of the body beneath him.  
They lay in a comfortable silence for several minutes just enjoying the moment together. After a while Fillip broke the silence. "Ye ready for brekkie?"  
"Yeah. I don't wanna move though."

"Yer gonna have to move lad. My bladders gonna burst, if I don't stop ignorin it."

Juan rolled so his chin rested on the others chest and he pouted. 

"Oi. Startin already are ye? Poke that lip back in."  
He rolled over, rolling the other man off of him with a sigh.  
"Fiiiine. What's for breakfast? We didn't go to the store."

"Oh yeah. Damn. Well how about some pancakes at the diner across the way? Then we can head into town and make it back in time to have lunch here." 

“Um. We don’t have any other clothes either huh? Skipping a shower.”

“Yeah, but I do have tooth brushes in my pack. That sort of shite is there. Wanna go grab that off the kitchen table for me?” 

Juan nodded and trotted down the hall to retrieve the pack, he was glad Fillip had thought to pack those things for them. He grabbed the pack and hurried back to Fillip.  
Fillip was lacing his boots on the edge of the bed when Juan came back in. “Here ya go.” He handed him the pack. Fillip took it, pulling out two tooth brushes and a tube of paste and deodorant.  
“Let’s go get our teeth brushed huh. Here’s ye one. I only got this one deodorant, but ye can use it first and we will get some more when we go out.” 

“Kay.” Juan put on the deodorant and then added some paste to his toothbrush and started brushing. He caught himself watching Fillip in the mirror, how he was doing it. He wanted to do it just like him. That’s weird, he thought to himself, shaking his head. He finished up brushing, and placed his in the holder on the sink next to where Fillip had placed his seconds earlier. 

“Ye ready? Get yer shoes on, my stomach is rumbling.”

Juan sat on the bed and laced his boots on, when he was satisfied he stood and met Fillip at the bedroom door. 

“Oh Juan. Just one more thing.” Fillip turned to look at him, and placed one hand on his shoulder.

“What’s that Chibbie?” Juan tilted his head looking confused. 

Fillip moved his hand from Juan’s shoulder to his chin, placing his other hand behind his neck. Slowly he pulled him towards him, his own heart beating out of his chest as their lips connected for the first time. It was slow, and sweet, no harsh raw passion, or probing tongues. Soft lips against rough stubble, moving slowly together, savoring the moment. It was over too soon, but it was exactly what they needed.  
Juan wobbled back a little, of balance from the kiss. Fillip held him, waiting for him to right himself.  
“Ye okay lad?” He chuckled?

Juan blushes and nodded. “Yes. Do it again. To make sure.” He grinned.

“Greedy lad. Ye can have all ye want.” He kissed him again, a little more intensely this time. Holding him firmer, their lips met harder. This time Juan expected it, reacting faster, his tongue darting out to try and enter the other mans. Fillip teased at first denying entrance, then allowing it. The heat behind it increased, hands gripping shirts and waistlines, bodies being pulled in closer. Fillip broke the kiss despite his desire to keep going. He rested his forehead against Juan’s.  
“Aye, we’d better get going. I’ll be a grump if I don’t get some food in me.” 

Juan nodded, taking Fillips hand and following him to the garage. 

“So after breakfast, ye still wanna go to the toy store? We gotta get groceries for the next two days and ye need some clothes.”

“Just wherever you want to go. I don’t want to be a bother Chibbie. It can wait if it needs to.”

“Woah. I didn’t say that... Buckle up... I just ask in case ye weren’t ready for that. I know ye were questioning the little part. We can go and see what happens. If ye don’t see anything, it’s no big deal. Alright. I have no plans, except spending time with ye.”

Juan smiled big. He was excited, he didn’t know what he’d find, if he would at all. He didn’t know if he’d be little enough for toys, or just clingy enough for Chibs to take care of on occasion. Either way he was glad Chibs was willing to learn with him. He also wanted to explore the other parts of this, his lips were tingling from the kisses, and he wanted more of them. 

They pulled into the diner down the street from the house. Fillip had his hand on the door to open it, when he felt Juan pull on his arm.  
“What is it lovey?”  
It was sloppy and he almost missed, he was nervous and incalculated, but the intent was clear. Juan’s lips crashed against his roughly, Fillip could feel the trembling from his body as he tried to remain calm. After a few awkward seconds it worked its way into a smooth kiss, before they pulled away. Juan’s face was as red as the car, and he looked at the floor, gripping the door handle.  
“Sorry. I just wanted to do that again.” He mumbled.

“Aye ye numpty. I told ye, ye can have as many as ye want.” He pressed his lips to his temple. “Let’s go get us some food.”  
The got out of the car and went inside.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for errors. I’m not good at proofreading. I try, but I don’t notice the errors until later and then I go back and fix them. I hope there haven’t been any that are too bad.  
> Also let me know what you think. This is my first SOA fic, it’s not canon, but it’s fun. Feedback helps me develop my stories.

The department store was first, Fillip pulled into the mall and parked. He noticed how tense Juan had gotten when they got there, he figure the lad was probably trying to figure out what was expected of him.  
"Hey ye numpty don't think so much. I can see the smoke." He chuckled taking the lads hand.  
Juan grinned at him and nodded. "I'm okay. Just thinking about what we need. If I'd known you were taking me away for a few days I would've packed more than clean underwear and a T-shirt." He smiled blushing a little. 

"Aye, well that woulda spoiled the surprise. Let's get ye some clothes and see what else we can find huh?" 

Once they got out of the car, a little bit of the happiness fizzled out of Juan, because of the loss of contact with the other man, and the fact that he couldn't hold his hand in public. They'd just started and he was really liking it. Like a teenager with their first partner, everything about Fillip made him giddy and blush. 

They walked into the main entrance of the mall, Fillip sighed, looking around. He hated shopping, only going when necessary. He knew they'd never make it out of here before lunch. He eyed a large chain department store and pointed, heading towards it. They made their way through the already crowded mall and into the store.

"Alright boy. Whadya need?"  
Juan crooked his head to the side in thought for a moment. "I mean, I think just maybe a pair of pants and a shirt. Are we heading back tomorrow?" 

"Aye. Tha's the plan. Less I can weasel out another day. I'm not holdin my breath though." Fillip nodded as he spoke, running his fingers through his hair.

"Okay. Yeah. Um just basic stuff so I have something clean to wear. Maybe some pants to sleep in. I am not sleeping in jeans again."

Fillip grinned a devilish smirk. "Oh aye? I won't complain if ye sleep without yer pants on Juicey Boy." 

The color that tinged the other mans face as it heated from the sides of his Mohawk till it was lost under his shirt was so red, Fillip couldnt stop the snickering that escaped him. Juan grinned in embarrassment and looked at Filliped through his lashes as his eyes were angled towards the floor. It took everything in Fillip to control himself and not grab hold of him right there. He looked so adorable and yet so mysteriously sexy at the same time. Underneath that innocent embarrassment was a not so innocent nymph and Fillip couldn't wait to meet him either. "Stop it Chibby. I like sweats, they are comfortable." He mumbled. 

Fillip swung an arm around Juan's shoulders much like he would under any other typical circumstance and spoke softly against his ear.  
"Oh stop yer poutin ye numpty. Take a compliment from yer Daddy." The words rumbled from his chest in a deeper voice and his accent thickened in a way that typically meant he'd been drinking. Juan shivered at the sound, and the last word of the sentence caused his breath to hitch. He suddenly forgot how to walk, tripping over his feet and choking on the breath he forgot to breathe. 

Fillip had thought he was fond of his accent, he always seemed to perk up a little when the man playfully emphasized it at the clubhouse, or in meetings for intimidation purposes. He knew he liked it when he spoke Gaelic even if he couldn't understand a word. He’d seen Juice blush more than once, while he'd been talking to members of SamBel. Of course the other members didn't cause him to do this, his eyes were always fixated on Chibs. 

For a brief second, Fillip internally kicked himself in his thoughts. Why in the hell did he wait so long to initiate anything? Why didn't he pick up on this sooner? Guess he had to wait until he felt like he could address his own feelings, before he could tackle the lads. It would be better for both of them that way. 

Juan righted himself and laughed, playing off his clumsiness for public show. He fell back into stride next to Fillip as they found the men's section of clothes and he started over to a wall of jeans.  
He fumbled through a dark section and pulled out a pair. "What about these? I like the darker ones more than those light colored ones."

Fillip rested his arms on a rack and nodded. "The dark jeans look good on ye. Never saw ye in a light pair. Get a pair that fits ye, not those too big ones ye have to hold up when ye run." He chuckled light heartedly. Juan crinkled up his face, stuck out his tongue and flipped him the bird. Fillips mouth hung open and his eyes went wide, playfully offended.  
"My pants fit just fine thank ye very much." He emphasized the ye, picking on Fillips accent.  
"Ye little ass. Who do ye think ye are? Talkin to me like tha? I have never in all my years been so offended."  
Juan saw an opportunity so he took it. "That's a lot of years...Daddy."  
Fillip slowly moved from the rack and walked around to where Juan was standing, before Juan had time to react he gripped him in a headlock and knuckled his Mohawk. "I may have years lad, but I'll always get ye."  
They were laughing hysterically, Juan was swatting him with the jeans in his hand trying to break free. They were a sight to see, if anyone from the club had seen them, they wouldn't have suspected much more than rough housing. The two of them knew though, that under the surface, set to simmer was a whole other life they just set to boil. Fillip saw a store clerk rounding a corner and he quickly let go of Juan before they got caught and kicked out. He quickly and seriously started looking at pants, at first confusing Juan.  The other quickly caught on, catching his breath he looked through the jeans also. Once the clerk walked past them Fillip let out a deep sigh.  
"Yer stokin a fire boy." He looked at Juan to see his face. He was smiling and blushing brightly again. 

"I can try these on. They will probably fit better than the ones I usually get." He spoke casually. 

"Lad I was kidding. Get what ye like."

"Chibby, I never try them on. I don't get them that way on purpose. I'll try them on since im not here by myself." 

Half an hour, and three pairs of jeans later, he had some he liked. Fillip shook his head thinking to himself. We came for one and we're getting three, not much different than the women I've dated. Juan walked around to another area where there were shirts folded up and some hanging, of course he looked through those. He picked out several that he liked, after he considered the sale sign, it made sense he'd said to get them in twos because they were buy one get one free. Another hour later they finally had a pair of pajama pants, a pack of socks, underwear, white undershirts, a belt, and something Fillip hadn't came close to expecting. An orange T-shirt with some character he didn't recognize on it, that apparently Juan really liked from some movie, Fillip had never seen, or heard of, but he picked it out just for him.  
Juan's face lit up when Fillip agreed to the silly shirt. He thought it was hysterical and something he could wear just when they escaped. 

"So ye wanna leave all this at the house ye think? Then ye'd have something when we come back. Won't need to pack as much. Till we get it stocked, then we won't need to pack at all. That'd be nice aye?" 

Juan smiled and nodded. "That’d be good. I can't wait to come back, I don't want to leave though." Juan pulled out his wallet to pay the lady for the items but Fillip reached over his head and handed the lady his card. Juan crunches up his face and glared at the other man. "I coulda got that Fillip." He scoffed.

"I know. Is my fault though ye didn't bring anything." He shrugged and grabbed the bags, leaving Juan standing there gaping at him like a fish out of water.

They walked out to the car and Fillip put the items in the trunk, while Juan buckled in. Once Fillip joined him in the car, and got settled, Juan grabbed his face and pressed his lips against the other mans. This time it was much more calculated, his aim was precise and he was not timid. He wrapped an arm around Fillips neck holding him in place as he kissed him, trying to make sure his thank you made its way from his soul to Fillips some how. 

When they broke away, Fillip rested a hand on Juan's face, rubbing his jawline soothingly. "Yer welcome lad." Fillip smiled at him and turned to put the car in drive.


	10. 10

"Where are we going now?" Juan asked looking at Fillip on the reflection of the window.  
"The toy store member. Ye still wanna go?"He laced their fingers together and squeezed.  
"Yeah. But maybe not the other one. Ya know. I mean I don't think I have any idea of what I'd want. If anything, and when the time comes I trust you to help." He was rambling quickly, looking now at the floor mat.  
"Hey, look at me." Fillip shook his arm. "If yer uncomfortable it's okay to tell me. We don't have to go. I was teasin about tha anyway. I didn't know ye were so nervous about it. I'm sorry lad."

"I do want to go one day. Just not today."

"Ye excited about the toy store?"

Juan smiled because he couldn't help it. The ride to the store wasn't far from the crowded mall. In just a few minutes they were pulling in to the parking lot. Juan was getting restless in the car, he'd been thinking about things he might want.

"The only thing I don't like about shopping with you, we can't hold hands. I really like touching you. My head feels calm when I touch you. Ya know?" 

Fillip frowned at his statement. They couldn't stay pent up at home all the time, but he couldn't just deprive the lad either. Something would have to be figured out.  
"I'm sorry lad. We will work something out for ye okay. I like touching ye too." He sighed, patted him on the leg. "Come on let's go take a look huh?" 

They got out of the car and walked towards the store. It was brightly colored inside, toys lined the walls, and the floors. Juan felt his insides bubble, he tried to hold himself together.  
"We will get a few things. Ye can go look. I'll be right with ye." 

Juan looked around the giant store, reading labels to what went where. He saw a sign for builders and started that way. He looked over at all the different kinds and his mouth hung slightly open. He found a pack of original bricks and picked up those. Nothing fancy, he could do whatever he wanted with them. He presented them to Fillip, holding back some excitement. The voice in his head telling him not to get his hopes up. 

"Ye want those? Let me see em." Juan nodded, playing with his fingers as Fillip looked at the container of bricks. "Yer not gonna eat em are ye?"

Juan cocked his head in confusion. "No."

"Ye gonna pick em up. Not leave em on the floor?" Juan smiled now and nodded big. Fillip couldn't help but smile back at his expression. 

"Alright then. I'll hold on to em for ye. Look and see if there's anything else ye might want."

Juan walked around the aisles, one aisle was especially cuddly. Giant stuffed animals were everywhere, small ones, tiny ones. He suddenly felt this overwhelming need to hug them. So he did. He picked up a regular sized frog stuffed animal and squeezed it. It was colorful, green, red and yellow, extra soft. He barely even turned around, and Fillip held his hand out with a grin to rival Juan's own. 

They'd spent almost two hours in the toy store, walking up and down aisles, the pile in Fillips arms getting a little bigger.  
Whether or not Juan really realized it, his behavior here was exactly why Fillip had been suspicious of him having a little side. He still chose to tread carefully, he didn't want to upset Juan by assuming. He could just be really happy. Not many things went right for the man, and he'd been screwed over plenty of times in his life, even as a child.  
"Alright lad. I think ye have enough here for now. Ye wanna go check out?"  
Juan looked at him, eyes evaluating the pile he'd accumulated, and then nodding in agreement.  
"We're gonna have to find somewhere to put all this. Where do ye think would be a good place?" 

Juan crinkled his brow cutely thinking about where in the house they could go. "Maybe in the den?" He squeaked out unsure.

"Aye. The den is a good place. I didn't think about that." He smiled. He could see it on the boys face, he was giddy, and trying hard to keep his hands to himself. He shoved them deep in his pockets, fists balled up. 

"Juan, my hands are full, but if ye want to hold some of this." He handed Juan a few of the items and once they had them steady, he swung his now free arm over his shoulder. Juan visibly relaxed at the touch. 

They finally finished checking out and packing the car. "Ye ready to get some lunch? I'm hungry. Guess we're not gonna make it back to the house for lunch huh?" 

"Guess not. Time just flew by in that place."

"What do ye want to eat? We can go through a drive through and then get the groceries." 

"Where ever is fine. You know you can order the groceries online and have them delivered or pick them up. Which ever." 

"Huh?- Fillip grunted- Ye will have to show me how. That sounds great!" 

"Let's get take out and order them then. Ill show you." Juan shyly squeaked again. 

Fillip took his hand and held it firmly. He watched Juan from the corner of his eye, he sat quietly, but still fidgeting. 

"Something on yer mind lad?" He jiggled his hand lightly.  
Juan shook his head cheeks flushing all the way to his ears.  
“Ye sure?”  
Juan sighed, hunching over in his seat, resting his face in his hands.  
“I’m just happy is all. I feel extra needy and I’m trying to control that.”  
Fillip rubbed his back, shaking his head.  
“Lovey I think tha needy feeling ye got, is what I meant by small. Ye don’t have to control tha. We’ll be back at the house soon. How about, we snuggle together and ye show me how to order groceries? Sound good to ye?”  
Juan nodded happily, pointing out the window as they came up to hamburger joint.  
“Ye gonna eat tha?”  
Juan smirked at the other man, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes. Thank you very much.”  
Fillip laughed defensively. “Oh okay then! Get yer self a burger. A big greasy unhealthy one.” 

Juan stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Back at that are we? Ye keep doing tha, I’m gonna bite it.” 

“They have veggie burgers here by the way. I’ve eaten at this chain before.” 

“Aye. Tha makes more sense. I was worried for a minute. Maybe little Juan Carlos like hamburgers. I don’t know.”

A shiver went up his spine, when Fillip called him little Juan Carlos. Yep that was it. That was the weird feeling he’d been having. He wanted to sit on Fillips lap, and kiss him, but not like tongue kiss him, just kiss him. He wanted to be silly with him and be his Little Juan Carlos. 

“No Daddy. Juan Carlos does not eat hamburgers. Just veg-a-tables ones. That’s all.”

Fillip nodded and tried to hide his smile. “Okay. Daddy was just teasing ye.”


	11. 11

Fillip squinted at the computer screen, glancing over Juans shoulder from their curled up position on the couch. His eyes steadily following Juan's clicks as he added items to the shopping cart. When they had enough food and snacks to last the night and following day in the cart, Juan completed the check out process. Now they just had to wait for their groceries to be delivered, anytime in the next three hours. Fillip stretched out and uncurled from the other body around him, and stood. 

"Ye wanna help me get the stuff from the car?"  
Juan snuggled down into the couch, grinning playfully. He was comfortable and he didn't want to move. 

"Okay well, guess I'll have to play with all those toys myself. Ye stay comfortable." He ruffled Juan's hair and started walking towards the garage. 

As he opened the door he heard feet bounding behind him. "Wait! I'll help!" Juan was sprinting towards him. Fillip chuckled "I thought ye might change yer mind." 

They unloaded the car quickly, with both of them it was only one trip. Fillip opened the bags with his lads new toys in them and sat them on the table. Juan was looking at him with big eyes trying to be patient, making Fillip chuckle. He pulled out his pocket knife and started cutting boxes open and removing the toys from them. 

"Take em to the living room, I'll be in shortly" Juan grabbed the dump truck and the frog and ran into the other room. He ran right back waiting for more items to take. Fillip huffed in annoyance at the twisty ties wrapped around a large scale action figure. He was struggling to get the legs out of the blasted confines. Juan giggled at him, staring curiously at Fillip.  
Fillip cheered in victory as he popped the legs from the box with the ties still attached. "Got it! Blasted ties... ye laughing at me boy?" He teased, Juan blushed and nodded shyly. Fillip grumbled some more until he'd freed the figure. 

Picking up the tub of blocks he ushered Juan into the other room. "Ye wanna check all this out while I get yer new clothes on the wash? Give ye a minute by yerself, clear that cluttered brain. I can see ye fighting with yerself lad. It's in yer eyes." He squatted next to Juan who had sat on the floor. "I'll keep telling ye, till ye believe me. I want ye to be comfortable and happy. Take some time and get oriented. If ye want I'll play with ye when I'm done."

Juan smiled. He hadn't said much since the car, Fillip noted. He was struggling to figure out if he was in little space, or just trying to cope with the situation. He didn't want to just blatantly ask, the lad may not even know, but he needed to make sure he didn't make him uncomfortable.  
He went back to the kitchen and started cutting tags off of items, piling them up to throw in the wash. If he did it now, Juan would have pajamas tonight.  
He poured in the detergent and slammed the lid. Looking at his watch he noted the groceries would be there soon.  
"Hey Juan. Groceries will be here soon. We'll see if your little app thing works huh?" He called as he walked down the hall, back to where Juan sat. 

Juan was arranging his toys around him, contemplatively looking at them. Fillip just looked at him in adoration for a moment. Juan’s face was crinkled up cutely in his thoughts, he was trying to choose which toy to play with. Fillip decided to intervene after Juan sighed. “Too many?” Fillip asked as he plopped down beside him and picked up the truck. “Ye think this truck can go fast?” Juan looked at him, and nodded.  
“Well let’s see. Show me how fast you can make the truck go.” Juan pulled the truck back, winding it up, and then let it go. It zoomed through the living room and crashed into the wall. He giggled with excitement at the ordeal, getting up to go get the truck. “I have an idea Juan Carlos. Why don’t we keep two toys out, and I’ll put the others up for now? That way you won’t get overwhelmed. We need to get ye a toy box.”  
Juan Carlos nodded.  
“Okay well... after the groceries get here ye want to watch a movie?”  
Juan Carlos nodded.  
“Juan Carlos. Can ya bring the truck back to Daddy?”  
Juan pulled the truck back and let it go, it zoomed across the floor to Fillip. He walked over and sat next to him.  
Fillip put his arm around the lads shoulders and pulled him close. “Ye stopped talking on me. Ye alright?”  
Juan Carlos nodded.  
“If yer non-verbal in little space that’s alright. But when yer big again, we need to talk about some stuff okay.”  
Juan Carlos nodded, the doorbell rang, Juan Carlos ran to hide behind the couch.  
Fillip took all of this in. His little Juan Carlos didn’t seem talk much if at all. His Juicy Boy didn’t stop talking. He was still skittish and overwhelmed, Fillip tried to contemplate ways to get him past that. Hopefully in both little space and the regular world. 

He tipped the delivery driver and started unloading the groceries. “Juan Carlos, ye want a snack?”  
“Yes.” Was barley audible as it was peeped back to him.  
“Come in the kitchen lad.”  
Juan Carlos came into the kitchen, he was clutching his frog at his chest.  
“Ye want some cheese and crackers? Maybe some flies for the frog?” He grinned. Juan Carlos giggled, and nodded.  
Fillip sighed, trying his best to understand. He would have to talk to Tig, surely he’d have some sort of idea. “Here ye go lad. Take it to the couch, can ye turn on the tv? We can watch a movie if ye pick one.”  
Juan Carlos nodded again and took his plate.  
“Why are ye so adorable? Huh? I wanna scoop ye up.” Fillip teased, smiling when he saw the blush on his lads face. Juan Carlos walked over closer to Fillip and kissed his cheek, rocking back on his heels expectantly.  
“Ye wanna kiss lil one?” Fillips hands rested on Juan’s hips, he kissed sweetly on the lips. Juan Carlos was a shade of red Fillip hadn’t seen before. He honestly couldn’t handle it. He didn’t know how long Juan Carlos would be around for the night, but a part of him really hoped he would at some point be big enough for a little more than cute kisses.

“Daddy?” He peeped getting Fillips attention. “Are you coming too?”

“I’ll be right there, just gotta put this cold stuff up lad.”  
Juan Carlos sat on the couch, flipped on the tv and looked for a movie. His adult brain was causing him distress, he was lingering between the two. He was enjoying the attention from Fillip, he wanted that to continue, he also wanted to watch something that wasn’t a kids show. He really wanted to snuggle up with Fillip in a way that wouldn’t be permitted at the moment. This was one of those moments he decided to just trust Fillip like he’d said. Hopefully he’d help guide him in the right direction for this dilemma.


	12. 12

Finally after what felt like forever Fillip came into the living room with him. He brought snacks and sat closely to Juan without closing him in. The movie Juan had cued up had Fillip raise a brow at him. It was a horror movie, with a very specific clown. He knew Juan Carlos had no business watching the movie, Juan or Juice as it were, would probably be fine. It was figuring out who was who that was the trouble. They definitely had to discuss some boundaries and rules. 

Fillip took the remote with out question and started the movie. “If ye don like it, or ye get scared we can watch something else. Ye have to communicate with me though. Ye understand?”

“Yeah, I do. Truth is I don’t know. Guess you’ll have to cuddle me extra tonight huh?”

“Well if it’s extra cuddles ye need, ye don have to get em like this. I’ll cuddle ye even if yer not scared.”

Juan swallowed the lump in his throat, deciding to be brave and do the thing he’d been wanting to do for years. He leaped up quickly and threw a leg over Fillips lap, pushing his body against his straddling the man. “What about these kind of cuddles?” He asked playfully, inside he was shaking and hoping he didn’t get rejected. Fillip would come to his senses and throw him to the floor, he just knew it. Instead however he felt firm hands on his hips. 

“This kind of cuddle huh? Ye in the right head space for tha? I’m depending on ye right now lovey, to help Daddy learn your patterns.”

“I’m learning my patterns Daddy. -his face flushed and he giggled- I like calling you that. Right now this feels okay. Maybe we take it slow though. I mean I’m not a crow eater.” 

Fillip laughed a deep belly laugh. “Naw ye ain’t, are ye? Ye are a naughty little boy though, even if ye aren’t bein a wee one.” 

Juan laughed now, no matter where his head was he was the little one, Fillip was Daddy. He was boss, he’d make the rules, he’d keep him safe. In this moment he was comforted in the safety and reassurance Fillip unknowingly gave him in that statement. The attention he craved and needed was there, whether he felt big or small. His heart felt like it wanted to burst in the overwhelming realization of what he’d agreed too. Not that he was upset or worried, but that the weight finally hit him. In Fillips intended playfulness he let Juan know he was actually into this. The bulge pressing against him helped a little but hey, he was a fan of actions speak louder than words. Fillip Telford was a man of few words.

“I’m your little boy though. Right? Just yours?” He speckled kisses over Fillips neck smiling as he did it. 

“Aye love, only mine.” Fillip held his hips tighter as he felt teeth against his neck. He involuntarily raised his hips to the feeling, pressing himself against the pressure in his lap. 

Juan’s heart felt like it would beat out of his chest, he tightened his hands around the other mans neck. He pressed his lips against the other mans, now hungrily kissing him with need. He opened his mouth a little granting entrance. Fillip immediately complied, loosing himself in the sensation of his boy. He placed his hand tightly around his back, and lowered him to the couch hovering over him. 

They only parted to breathe, falling back together just as quickly as they parted. Hands were groping, and feeling flesh they hadn’t felt before. Juan wiggled and pulled his shirt over his head, tugging at Fillips. That’s when Fillip threw on the breaks. His boy wanted to go slow, despite the urgency of the current situation he would be disrespecting his boys wishes if he proceeded. Even though Juan seemed eager to continue, his pelvis grinding against Fillip for friction, he knew his lover was also one to go along for fear of rejection. He couldn’t risk it, not this early in. He sat back on his on heels, running a hand through his hair, and over his face. Juan looked at him, brow crinkled cutely in obvious worry.

“We should slow down, don ye think lad? Needa stop before we get to the point of no return.” He breathed heavily trying to catch his breath, his own cock protesting his statement. He rubbed a finger over the lads lip. “Don’t worry, ye haven’t done anything wrong. I could pin ye to the couch right now. I know that’s not what ye want, yer not ready. Hell im not ready to be honest. Ye ain’t some one night shag, and I won be treatin ye as such.” His brogue became thicker from lust but he saw his lover relax beneath him.

Juan’s head felt dizzy with relief as his breathing steadied. Just as he’d predicted, Daddy would guide him in the right direction.


	13. 13

They sat together on the couch in silence for a moment, Juan fidgeting beside Fillip. Fillip had paused the movie, and took Juan's hand in his own, sighing, trying to find words. 

"Thank you... For understanding my complicated situation." Juan was quiet and looked away from Fillips gaze.

"Lad I tol ye, and I meant it. We can take our time." He sighed again, pulling Juan to rest against him.

"It's not just that. It's all of it. You encourage me to do things that would be frowned upon otherwise. It means a lot to me that you let me just be me."  Fillip simply nodded, not needing to say anything. 

They sat there a little while longer just being comfortable laying with each other. This private moment of comfort, Juan knew all too well that it would end soon. A feeling of dread creeped into him and he didn't want to go back. 

"What do we do when we go home?" Juan was nervous and it showed.  
Fillip held him tightly and spoke softly.  
"Whatever we need to do to keep ye safe and sane."

Juan was exhausted, everything they'd done today and all the anxiety took so much out of him. He tried to stay awake, tonight was their last night here.  
The sound of Fillips heart, and the movement of his breathing were lulling him into secure daze and he couldn't hold his eyes open. Fillip rubbed his Mohawk and whispered. "Sleep lad. It's still early in the evening. Yer safe and I want ye to rest. I'll stay with ye." He wasn't sure if Juan was even hearing him or if he'd fallen asleep already, but he needed to say those words.

When Juan opened his eyes again it was dark out and he had to pee really bad. He tried to ease himself off of Fillips sleeping body but he still woke the man. Fillip smiled as he opened his eyes. "Ye coming back?" He yawned as he stretched. 

"Yeah, just gotta pee." He whispered. Fillip nodded, eyes closing again.

When Juan returned Fillip had made his way into the kitchen. It was past dinner time so he put some noodles on to boil. He figured some quick pasta would be good for tonight. He washed the few dishes from lunch, and looked over a package of meatless meat in confusion. 

"Well Juan it's 8. What do ye want to do?" 

Juan thought for a bit. He didn't feel particularly small, or big at the moment. He just felt happy to be with Fillip alone. He shrugged his shoulder. 

"Shower? I can't wait to put on my clean pajamas."

Fillip considered this, thinking it could be good for the both of them really to get showered and just relax before they had to make the ride back to Charming. 

"Alright. Don use all the hot water." He smiled at Juan going back to his current task. "I'll try to figure out how to cook this stuff. Meatless meat, I never saw such a thing." He mumbled to himself. 

Juan laughed and walked around the kitchen island and into Fillips space. He took the package from him and grabbed a pan. "I'll teach you." He smiled that smile that made Fillips knees buckle. 

"I'm supposed to be takin care of ye." He chuckled playfully. He watched as Juan moved around the kitchen grabbing spices and making the concoction smell appetizing. He was astonished that the lad knew how to cook so well, while also accepting it. Juan didn't have a significant other, he never let crow eaters stay the night, he rarely ate at the club. He had to have been eating something and he didn't go out to eat often. "Well I can take care of you sometimes you know? I like being useful." 

Fillip rubbed the back of Juan's neck and kissed it gently. Juan was more useful than he knew, his presence since joining the club had been good for Fillip. He let Juan's words roll around in his head for a bit, the lad liked feeling useful. He could find ways to make him feel useful, in obvious ways that he would understand were helpful. Slowly that would raise the lads self esteem and hopefully help him outside of these walls. 

Juan mixed the sauce that he'd made together with the noodles and plated it. His posture emitted pride as he held a plate out for Fillip to take. Though within seconds he curled more into himself and looked uneasily at Fillip, eyes watching him. He was nervous about the food not being good enough. 

"Let's sit at the table and have a proper dinner huh? Ye've really worked hard on this." He winked.

"If you don't like it I won't be offended." Juan spoke quietly following the other to the table. 

He watched with big eyes as Fillip took a bite. He curiously tried to gage his response. Fillips eyes went big and he sat down his fork, Juan tried to hold back the tears he felt prickling his eyes. He just knew he hated it.

"Juan! Why didn't ye ever tell me ye could cook boy? I've been living on takeout and crow eater cooking all this time and ye... ye made this stuff I'd never eat on my own taste amazing!" He pushed in another fork full. 

Juan turned red and smiled uncontrollably his voice shaking. "Cooking is frowned upon I assumed. Men aren't supposed to cook, I never said anything. I'm super glad you like it." 

"Juicy boy... this... this goes home with us. I'll commission ye to be my personal chef."

"You're teasing me?" His voice was smaller and his eyes were shy. Fillip noted this reaction. His smaller side seemed to become more prevalent when he was uncomfortable about something. 

"I'm not teasing ye. Let's eat up, we both need showers." 

"Oh... about that. Fil-um... Daddy?"  
Fillip had noodles hanging from his mouth ridiculously, as he looked up at Juan surprised. So far his lad hadn't used the name much, but Fillip hoped he would as he got more comfortable.  
He wiped his face and urged the lad to continue.

"Um... can I maybe not take a shower?"

"Ye have to shower. Why don't ye want to shower?"

"Um... um... I uh... I want to take a bath." 

"Juan? Or Juan Carlos? Ye can take a bath. Just so long as ye get clean, Daddy doesn't care how ye do it."

Juan nodded but he kept fidgeting. 

"Something else darlin?"

"Can you maybe, if you want too, will you help me? Juan Carlos doesn't want to go alone. Wants Daddy to help."

"Finish yer dinner, and then Daddy will help ye get nice and clean Juan Carlos. Deal?"

"Deal Daddy. I'm really glad you like dinner. I'm really glad you will help me with the bath." Juan Carlos smiled and ate some more. 

"Well darlin, Daddy hopes the more comfortable we get and the more we learn, Daddy will be as useful to ye as ye are to me. I'll always help ye lad. Big or small. Out here and at the club. Ye understand?"

Juan Carlos nodded.


	14. 14

The water was just the right temperature for soaking, the garden tub was big enough to lay in. Juan lay back in tub, submerged to his chin, relaxing into the bubbles. Filip sat beside the tub on a stool, with a book in hand. Not touching him,  just being present if needed. He pretended to read his book, while peeking at his boy from the corner of his eye to watch him.

Juan played with the bubbles, piling them up onto his belly and chest. He liked the way they felt when they popped against his skin. He scooped up a handful and rubbed them onto his face. Water splashed over the side of the tub as he sat up quickly getting Fillips attention. 

"Daddy! Da-Daddy! Look! I have a beard like you!"

Fillip chuckled looking at him. "Yer silly. Yer cuter than me boyo." 

Juan frowned at the statement. He pulled his body up over the side of the tub, his soapy hands grabbing Fillips face, turning him to see him. He held his face firmly, squishing a little, locking his eyes with the others. "I think you're beautiful. I've always thought you were beautiful. Well, I guess handsome is more appropriate." He smiled breaking his serious stance and started kissing his face all over. 

Fillip was taken aback by the display in front of him. The revelation that this amazing man or lad actually found him attractive, made his heart flip around in his chest. He was genuine in his words, and his actions were deliberate. Juan giggled pressing his lips to Fillips, he pulled him in the process, using most of his adult strength, and cute manipulation to urge Fillip over into the tub. 

Their kisses turned heated, as Juan pulled Fillip onto him against the tub. His naked body moved against Fillips clothed one, his arms gripped around his body holding him close to him, desperately holding him as if he was afraid he'd go away if he let go. The door that opened for his playful and small side to come out, shut, deadbolted tightly. The way Fillips stubble brushes against his face excited him more and his scent drove him almost to madness.

The water started to chill around them but the heat that burned inside Juan didn't let up. He needed the closeness. Deep inside his gut he was nervous about the prospect of sex, but he was too far gone to be concerned. His most sensitive parts were rigid and rubbing against the wet denim in a way that had him stiffen and moan loudly. 

Fillip broke from his grasp, his hands that were once tightly holding his body close, now were resting on his on thighs. Juan whimpered at the loss of contact, wanting to feel him against him again. His mind started to reel, all of the negative reasons why Fillip, Daddy, Chibs would reject him started to fester. 

Fillip sighed, he was conflicted. How would he ever know if either of them were ready if they didn't move forward? He never really waited with anyone before, this was new territory for him. His libido said he was ready to feast, but his heart told him no. He saw the worry on Juan's face again. Chewing his lip, crinkling his brow, this time his eyes were dark and glazed with tears that didn't fall. Fillips heart broke a little, but he had to be safe about it. So far Juan was so sporadic figuring out when he was adult vs small was proving to be almost impossible. 

The way he was figuring it, the boy held a tight lid on his needs most of the time. Here being freely allowed to take what he needed was in return allowing him to literally bounce around between the two worlds. Maybe he would do better with structure, maybe he would do better being able to express what he needed too as he needed too. Fillip didn't know. He was in over his head, he just wanted to love him. To nurture him, help him make positive decisions, think better of himself and to have his basic needs met. 

It sounded so simple in his mind. Of course it wouldn't be simple. Juan wasn't simple. He let his guard down too quickly most of the time, and as guarded as he remained even now, he was giving Fillip the reigns. Freely. He trusted him, to make the right decision for him. He trusted him not to hurt him. He trusted him almost blindly. 

It was three days, they'd only have three days, and tonight, to establish what was going to come of them. As the seconds passed in silence, Juan looked a little more sad. The hesitation Fillip had was being interpreted as rejection and his lad was only seconds from exploding. 

Fillip composed himself, feeling Juan's breathing speed up, he laid his hand on his belly and shushed him. 

"It's not tha I don't want ye lad. I do. I don wan to hurt ye. I don wan to go too fast. I don wan our first time together to be sloppy desperate fucking in the bathtub. I can see in yer face yer worried, or hurt. Don be. We will get there okay? Just not like this." 

Juan nodded and looked away. 

"Ye got me all soaked lad." Fillip tried to laugh a little and break the tension in the boys face. He looked hurt, and Fillip hated it. He never meant to upset him.  
"I'm already here, ye wan to shower off? Get the bubbles off ye?" Fillip pulled the stopper from the tub and started undoing the buttons on his flannel shirt. He did hope that maybe if he wasn't dressed the other would feel less vulnerable. Once he was naked he turned on the shower. 

"Here ye go." He stepped aside of the water so Juan could get underneath the flood of water. Juan wouldn't look at him, kept his eyes focused on the floor, arms wrapped tightly around himself. 

"Lad I know yer upset. I need ye to know, I ain't rejecting ye. We don need to rush anything lovey."

"If I were a girl, you would have fucked me already. Probably several times. You know it. If you aren't sure about being with me, we need to just stop this now Chibs. I don't want to get caught up in something for no reason."

Fillip rubbed shampoo into his own hair, thinking about what Juan had said. It was true, if he were anyone else, not just female, he would have claimed him many times over by now. He was being careful. Trying to turn this into a relationship not just a good time. 

"Yer right." He spoke softly, trying to filter the anger inside him. He was angry at himself, for making Juan think whatever negative things he thought. He was angry at Juan for thinking those things about him. Did he not think they were more than this trip?  
"If ye were anyone else, I would have already taken my fill, from ye. Got what I wanted and dropped ye off. Wouldn'ta took ye shopping. Wouldn'ta been planning for the next visit. Wouldn'ta been trying so hard not to treat ye differently. Sex isn't going to make this relationship viable, or official. We are what we are regardless. I love ye Juan. Not just as my brother. I'll never be able to love ye like that again. What do you wan from this?"  
He rinsed his hair, and sponged off his body. 

"I wanna be with you. I already told you what I want Chibs. Do you not listen? If you can't even figure out the status of our relationship how in the fuck are you supposed to help me?"

Fillip shut off the water and stepped out of the tub. He was surprised at the outburst of anger in Juan. His words though few had a harsh bite.  
He grabbed a towel and started drying himself off. Extending one to Juan, which he took reluctantly. 

"To be honest, I'm learning. I'm trying to learn ye. I'm trying to do the best I can with what I'm given. Lad ye have to help direct me to yer needs and wants. I canno jus know. We have to build a relationship. I thought ye were my partner. Boyfriend as ye say. That doesn't mean we have to fuck every second we're alone. 'Specially not the first time we're alone this way." Fillip was hurt. He was offended at his lad. He had a burning urge to pull him over his knee and spank some sense into him. 

"I thought I was your boyfriend too. I'm not even mad you don't want to fuck me. I'm mad that you say you're doing it for my best interest but you're just doing for yourself. You don't want me. You're not ready. Have you ever fucked a man? You put your dick into my ass. Repeat, until we cum. Or hell, Chibs, I can put my dick in yours. It's not that hard to figure out. Just be honest. Tell me you don't want too if you dont. Dont fucking lead me on. I'd rather you be honest and tell me turns out I'm not your thing. My huge dick is scary." He huffed pulling on his new pajamas Fillip had just pulled out of the dryer before his bath. Ironic.

"Lad. Juan. Juice. I don understand what yer so flustered about now. I tol ye I wan ye. I love ye. Yeah, I'm scared. Because I don want to hurt ye. You think yer ready because that's what ye see. Ye think that's what I want. Ye see me fuck crow eaters, and pay them no mind. Is that what ye wan? Yeve seen this behavior thas my fault. I know that. I'm not perfect. I'm waiting, for both of our best interest. Yeve never seen me in a relationship. Ye don know how careful I am with something as fragile as love."  
They we're both dressed now sitting on the side of the bed. Juan was pulling at straws trying to stay mad. He knew Fillip was right, he just couldn't let it go. If he pissed him off enough to just end it now, it would hurt less later.  
"You're right." Juan spoke bitterly, full of venom. All I've ever seen is people be whores. It didn't stop when I joined the club. We're all fucking someone for something. You're no better than the girls that hang around. You just want a fuck till something else comes along! How can I even trust you don't want that from me!? How can you trust I don't want that from you!?"  
Juan had tears streaming freely now. His fists were balled up at his sides. He was shaking. Fillip wanted to reach out to him and hold him. Comfort him, tell him they'd be alright. That this whole thing was a misunderstanding. He couldn't move. There was no invitation to console the lad. He needed his space.  
"I'll just go. I'll fucking get my bike and phone and look up directions back. I'll send you a chick from Diosa or some shit Chibs. Sorry I got you hot and bothered, and then you didn't want me. Fuck you Chibs."  
Juan looked desperate, pleading almost, he jumped from the bed and crossed the room. 

"Don push me away lad." Fillip was firm. He was angry now and not able to contain it. He was human after all and prone to err. He wouldn't yell, he maintained a calm tone, but the intent of his words was clear. "I tol ye when we arrived, no club shit here. Ye agreed to tha. Yer disrespecting me now, calling me Chibs, bringing up club business. I won't have it. Not here. I won't have yer attitude. I canno make ye stay here,an I won't. But I do expect ye to respect me when ye speak to me. As yer friend, brother, as yer partner and sure as hell as yer Daddy. Yer top. Ye gave me tha. Ye wanted tha. I expect ye to behave as such. This conversation will not continue unless ye ." He was serious. Even his ex wife in their most heated arguments never disrespected him nor herself as much Juan just did. 

"F-UCK YOU!" Juan glared at Fillip defiantly as he spoke, dragging out the words. 

Fillip took a second. A literal second to process. If the boy wanted to act this way, and was obviously pushing buttons on purpose maybe it was time to make his intentions known, understood and heard. Sex wasn't going to fix this situation, but a firm hand would. 

"Come here Juan Carlos. Now." As soon as he barked the name, Juan cowered a little. Curling into himself, defiance cracking a little. 

"No." He mumbled, arms wrapping back around himself. 

"Juan Carlos. I will not ask ye again. Come here." Fillip stood now, pointing at the space in front of him. Juan felt vulnerable and small. His stomach flipped around and despite his fear of Fillips upset, he was anxious and excited about where this seemed to be going.

He walked over to where Fillip pointed. "Ye wan to act out. Fine. Ye know there are consequences to yer actions. A good round over my knee ought to help ye. Drop yer pants." 

Juan laughed manically now. "Chibs, fucking me now isn't going to fix it." 

"Lad. Pull yer pants down, and lay across my knee." Fillip sat in the edge of the bed, a very stern look on his face. His voice was no longer angry, just firm. His movements were calm and thought out. He did not pull or yank on the other man, he did not force him into submission. He simply sat and waited for him to decide to do what was asked of him. 

To Fillips honest surprise in the moment, (mostly because of the Juan's behavior) the lad did pull his pants down some and awkwardly tried to figure out where to go. Fillip helped guide him, pulling a pillow from the bed for him to rest his head on and tuck his arms under. 

"Relax. Take a breath Juan. Ye know yer safe. I ain't gonna hurt ye. I am gonna punish ye. Ye can change yer mind if ye need too."  
Juan Carlos shook his head no, taking a deep breath. He felt safe being held in place by Fillips arm. He was embarrassed, not by the fact that this was happening, but by the fact that he wanted it. He knew it was going to hurt, but not unbearably. He didn't know what to expect otherwise. 

"Juan, I'm going to give ye 20, for yer attitude, yer self deprecation, yer assumptions about me, us. Hopefully this'll help ye understand I mean it when I say I wan ye, all of ye. I wan this. I intend on giving ye what ye need. I expect ye not to talk. I'll tell ye when to move. If ye cry thas okay. If. If for some reason it becomes more than ye can handle for any reason ye can stop it. Red for stop. Yellow for take it easy. Do ye understand?" 

"Yes Daddy." Juan Carlos nodded. 

"Good lad."  
Fillip ran his fingers over Juan's scalp soothingly for a moment, letting him get settled and adjust. He wanted him to be calm for what was about to take place. Once his breathing seemed to be even he struck the first blow.

Juan tensed up, grunting through his teeth at the sting. It wasn't painful, just stung and he had the knowledge of how many more we're coming. 

Fillip watched his response, in order to gage where that strike sat on the color scale. Given the tension in his body he felt that it was a good impact and wouldn't increase or decrease his strike.

Eight strikes in and Juan was fidgeting, moving around on his lap. His grunts became a little more labored and his breathing a little more ragged. Fillip could feel his bodies response pressing into his own thigh. 

"Color lad?" 

Juan breathed for a moment, and turned his head to try to look at Fillip. "Um. I-is green an option? I'm okay Daddy. Hurts, but not bad." Fillip nodded and continued.

Fifteen in and Juan's hips were moving against him, he had to hold him tighter to stifle the movement. He also heard him sniffle. There it was, the barrier. He had to make sure the final strikes counted and helped his lad tip over enough to let go of what he was holding in.

Twenty. Juan didn't know why exactly because he wasn't in pain, but tears were rolling down his cheeks freely. Not like when he was angry and yelling rudely at Fillip. These were calm tears, needed tears, tears that released toxins pent up inside him. He wasn't wailing, just feeling. The sting he felt in his bottom drove the feeling home, pushing it deeper into his soul until it poured over his eyes.  
"I-im sorr-ry Daddy. Fillip. Sir? I shouldn't have..." 

Fillip pulled his pajamas over his reddened bottom and rubbed his back. Speaking softly, he filled his ears with kind words and forgiveness. "Shhhh lad. None of that now. If ye need to talk about we will. Not till yer calm and rested. Ye can get up when yer ready lad. I love ye. Yer so much stronger than ye think ye are. We're gonna move past this episode. Ye did good darlin, didn't make any trouble for Daddy." He soothed the crying man in his lap until he stirred. Juan moved so he was sitting up right, but pushed himself onto Fillips lap, resting his head on his shoulder. They no longer spoke, just sitting in a comfortable silence as Juan came back down. 

Several minutes later Fillip moved them over, settling Juan on the bed, snuggling in beside him. He rubbed the sides of his head. "Sweet boy. Yer tired?"

Juan Carlos nodded, now dryer eyes closing. 

"Let me up lovey. I'm gonna get ye some water and a small snack. I'll be right back." He wiggled out of the bed and covered Juan's body.  
By the time he returned the lad had fallen asleep and Fillip didn't have it in him to disturb the boy. He crawled in beside him in the bed, wrapping himself around him protectively. 

In the morning Juan would probably be all over the place emotionally, anxiously awaiting their departure, their talks, but presently he was safe, his mind was in order and he felt comfortable inside. Fillip would try offset any outbursts and would keep him calm. For now they could sleep, tomorrow they'd figure out.


	15. 15

The night came and went, the early morning sun was shining into the window of the bedroom, stirring the men cuddled in the bed. Juan squeezed his eyes together tight and prayed for it to still be night. He didn't want to get up, he wasn't ready for this time to be over. Fillip cuddled up close to the smaller man, and kissed his neck. Knowing Juan was awake, he moved slowly, trying not to upset the lad, but he had to bring up getting ready to leave. 

After he’d untangled himself he sat up on the bed and rubbed Juan’s head softly. He was mesmerized by the boy, going back to Charming was less and less appealing. 

“Juan lovey. I know yer awake lad. Let’s get moving so we can have some brekkie and spend a few hours together before we head out. I wan ye to have some fun before we go.” 

Juan moved over slowly pouting up at Fillip. His eyes were red rimmed and his pillow was wet. Fillips heart shattered, putting this man back together was going to be hard on its own, but now, after he’d managed to get his walls somewhat down, it felt impossible. 

He sniffled and wiped his face trying to force a smile. “I’m coming Daddy. Can we have breakfast at the diner?” 

Fillip kissed his head and nodded. “That’d be good Aye? Then we can come back here, play with your toys, or do whatever. Don cry lad, it breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t even mean too. I’m trying not to be clingy and needy. I know we have to go back to life.”

“Lad.” Fillip sighed. “Yer head is so messy, yer so stressed. I really do think ye could use some proper time away. The shop is legit, we have insurance and FMLA all that stuff like any other job. Ye need to get with Gemma and figure out how to take a few weeks.” 

“It’s not the shop that is problem. If the guys think I can’t handle the club I’ll be dropped and then I’ll be alone. I cannot be alone.” 

“No one thinks ye can’t handle it. It’s fuckin stressful lad. All of us have taken some time here and there. We do it legit through the shop in case there’s ever an audit or something. We have to explain absences. That’s all I’m sayin lad. Don bring it to the table, we take it to Jax and the Gemma. Get ye a few weeks.” 

Juan sighed defeated. He flopped back onto the bed, already worried about what would happen when they get home. There was no way Fillip would let it go, he knew that. Deep inside a part of him wished he could just be an old lady. Not worry about shit except if her man was coming home in one piece. He also wished he and Fillip could move far away, get legit decent jobs and make it, even if it was hard, and just live on the right side of the law, out and happy.  
“So much for wishful thinking.” He sighed to himself and sat back up. Fillip had already went into the closet digging out some clothes, so Juan stood and waited for Fillip to hand him something to wear. 

Juan phone rang unexpectedly, who would call either of them this early? The club, that was it. He knew an angry Jax would be on the line, waiting to yell at him for being a pussy, for running off with Chibs, hell he probably knew what they were doing. His heart filled with panic and he ran to the bedside table to grab the phone.  
Fillips phone buzzed as well, it could only be the club. “Aye don answer yers lad. I got it!”  
Fillip yelled quickly rushing to a dresser in center of the room, grabbing up the phone before the call was missed. 

“Aye?” Is all he said, he didn’t look at the ID he figured it didn’t matter. 

“Chibs! Man where the fuck are you and Juice? We’ve been by both your houses. Thought you were coming back yesterday.” Tig yelled into the receiver. 

“Whoah man. Didn’t Jax tell anyone we stayed an extra day? Did a lot of riding we were knackered.  
We’re coming in this evening. What’s the problem?”

Tig breathed into the phone. I wanted to warn you. The cops are looking for Juice. Jax thinks he talked to them. Man if they think the kid is a rat you know what will happen.”

“He ain’t no rat. Why would they think tha cause they were looking for him?”

“Well the man didn’t lead with that. He started talking about some club shit and then asked for Juice. It looks bad.”

Fillip sighed and looked at his wide eyed tear stained sweet lover and tried to imagine him being a rat. He couldn’t accept that. Especially since the lad was so worried about the club all the time. Everything he did was for the club. Then his heart sunk. He thought about the chain, and why Jax suggested he take a break and help him get his head together. What if the boy was a martyr, trying to take himself out so the club didn’t find out. Surely he wouldn’t say anything to hurt the club on purpose, he would have had to think he was helping his brothers. 

“We’ll be back soon. I’m telling ye though, he ain’t a rat. Something has been taken out of context.” 

“I believe you man. I like the kid, he’s too skittish to have said anything. I mean there’s no way he would talk to the police and not report it immediately.” 

“I’ll see you soon brother.” Fillip hung up the phone.  
Walking over to Juan he looked down at where the lad sat on the bed.

“I guess ye heard all tha?”

Juan burst into tears hiding his face in Fillips belly, sobbing uncontrollably. He was terrified, if they thought the worst of him, he’d be killed. He just wanted to be Fillip. He’d never hurt the club, he racked his mind trying to think of what he could have done to cause this.

“I didn’t do anything, I promise. I didn’t. I don’t want to die Chibby. What am I supposed to do?”

Fillip rubbed his head, he really wasn’t sure, he’d find a way to convince Jax everything was fine and get him off his high horse.  
“I don’t know Lad. We will figure it out. I’m sorry today isn’t going to go as planned.” 

“You can’t not know! Daddy you have to know, you’re supposed to help me. Help me! I don’t care about today, I don’t want to die.”

Fillips heart ached. All he could do was try, he knew the outcome could be grim. He wrapped his arms around the crying man and held him tightly.

“Daddy will take care of it. I’ll help ye find a solution alrigh. Ye have to tell me anything that might help. Daddy won’t let anyone hurt ye lad. Okay.” 

Juan nodded and cried some more. He cried until he was out of tears. Eventually, by the time he’d dried and washed his face enough to be presentable they had no choice but to pack and grab a to go lunch on the way back to Charming.


	16. 16

They made it back to Charming, Juice spent the ride trying to detach from Chibs so he wouldn't fall apart in front of everyone. He didn't want to be weak, he couldn't be. He followed Chibs into town, to the garage, to his probable demise. 

They parked their bikes and Chibs placed his hand on Juices shoulder knowing it helped him calm down. "We're gonna figure this out. Let Daddy handle it lad." Chibs spoke softly to him, just the statement helped him feel a little safer.  
He made a noise that was meant to sound agreeable but came out as a whine instead. Chibs squeezed his shoulder as he came into the office.  
Gemma smiled when she saw them, happy her boys came back in one piece, from where she didn't know. She eyed them if she knew something, something that made her smile at least. 

"Jackie boy! We're back." Chibs called from the bar. Tig, Jax and Bobby greeted them, pulling them into a hug and then getting to business.  
"We gotta go to chapel. Not having church, but you know Clay has questions. We gotta get to the bottom of this dilemma. Juice none of us think you did anything wrong, but Clay of course has a stick in his ass about it. So we gotta treat it like a problem."He reached his arm out to take Juice from Chibs side. Chibs knocked his arm away.  
"There'll be no fuckin with Juice until there's a reason. He gets the trial we'd give the others. Let's not forget we don't know if he's sinned against us, we have our sinners amongst us having been spared as well. Ye won be takin him anywhere without me."  
Jax put his hands up in surrender, motioning towards the chapel doors. 

It was just Jax, Clay, Chibs and Juice sitting at the table. Juice was fidgeting and Chibs was desperately trying not to sooth him in an overly affectionate way. He was glad he’d insisted on being with him though, the tension in the room would have brought a panic attack for sure had he been alone.

"I'm sure you know by now why you're here Juice." Clay spoke with a false sweetness to his voice.  
Juice nodded. 

"Why would the police have intel if you didn't provide it?" 

"I-I haven't talked to them. I mean yeah they've been giving me a hard time, but you already knew that. I never told them anything. I swear."

"So who told them about the cartel deal?"  
Juice looked at clay funny. "What cartel deal? I um didn't know about that. Are we joining the cartel? Like that's for sure?"

Chibs gritted his teeth. Juice hadn't been here when they voted on that. He used a proxy for his vote. He was on a solo run, getting supplies from Tara at the hospital to bring back to the club house. All he'd been told was the club was in drugs. There was no way this fell on the lad. 

"He won here when we voted on tha. I proxyed his vote, member? Bobby updated him when e got back tha night at the party, all he been tol was tha the club was in drugs now."

Clay sighed and then nodded annoyed but remembering that fact. "So where did they get the information?"

"Hell if I know, but it wan Juicy. It'd do ye good ta remember shit once in a while. Pres." Chibs spoke with an obvious disdain. Everyone but Clay knew he was in borrowed time. Jax had a tight smirk plastered on his face at the comment.

"Les go lad." He patted Juice on the shoulder and stood. 

Juice nodded and stood slowly, he followed Chibs out of the room.

Tig ran up to them wanting to know what happened, his blue eyes large with excitement.  
"Well what the fuck happened?" 

"He's innocent. But there is a narc in the midst. Whether here or on the cartel side, someone snitched something." 

Despite knowing someone gave up info, they all sighed with relief finding that it wasn't Juice. He was the sweetest one of them, no one but Clay thought he'd actually have the guts to turn on them. 

"We're going to chat with Gemma, then I'll give ye an update. I'll send the lad to the shop soon."  
Tig nodded in agreement. 

Opie and some other guys were in the shop, a few cars were on the lifts and they had a few in line. Apparently it had been busy while they were gone, they were obviously behind. 

"Hey! Y'all wanna suit up and get your lazy asses over here!?" Opie teased smiling at them as they walked back into Gemma's office.


	17. 17

Juice was under a car when he heard the commotion break out. Shouting came from the lounge and crashing noises. He paused for a moment with every one else, trying to listen to see if there was a threat or this was internal.  
He heard Gaelic words he couldn't understand but his attention focused on the sound. The tone of the voice was not pleasant, it was a tone he never directed towards him. The others decided it was internal and based on Clays guttural cry nothing would be life threatening.  
Juice momentarily found it odd that their President was in such a predicament yet no one bothered to help. The sound of his brothers scuffling in the other room was distracting enough, the fact that it was Chibs made it impossible for him to think of anything else.  
His face scrunched with worry, he tried to change his focus so as to finish the car. His brothers in the garage regrouped, going back to what they were doing, yet everyone instinctively listened out for sounds of serious distress.  
Juice was leaned into the hood of the car now, checking all the tubes and pipes. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"You seem a little tense kid." Tig spoke directly to him, softly.  
"I'm fine. You know how I get when a fight breaks out." He tried to laugh it off.  
"Yeah, I know how you get. This is different." Tig looked at Juice now and he felt his eyes prickle. Juice was determined not to cry, he looked away from Tig and back under the hood.  
"Chibs is fine. Don't worry so much."  
Juice tensed. What did Tig know? Why did he know?  
"Worried bout the pres more honestly. Also don't want Chibs to kill him. What do you think they're fighting about anyway?""  
Tig looked at Juice confused, he figured if anything Juice would have known something.  
"Hoped you knew kid." Tig sighed and handed him a random wrench. "Need this?" 

"What? Uh... no not that one. Hand me the 4."  
He and Tig chatted about nothing in particular while Juice replaced an intake. 

The doors banged open Chibs and Clay were tangled in a bloody mess, fists flying, curse words being shouted in both English and Gaelic.  
"Ye get yer fuckin facts straight fore ye go fuckin with peoples lives idjit!  
"I'm the damn President, you don't talk to me like that. I should have your ass for this. You put your fuckin hands on me! After everything we've done for you."  
"What yeve done for me? This club maybe, ye haven't done a damn thing except make my life harder."  
Chibs fist flew into Clays face a final time knocking the screaming man unconscious. Gemma ran from the office in a panic, shouting.  
"Everyone out! Get out! Chibs what the fuck is wrong with you!"  
"He tried ta pin his own shit on Juice. Tried ta bring down tha entire fucking club. He though we wouldn know. Do ye forget where I came from? The IRA, the Cartel they all rub their shit through our pipeline, they fucking talk ye bloody idjits! When'e wakes up ye ask him how the RICO fucks knew about the deal. A deal Juice wasn't even part of. I won have anyone turnin on my family. Not even the folks I though were my family. Tha was no Officer, he was from the FBI. I believe that's called entrapment. Internal even."  
Gemma was completely taken back by Chibs speech. Though it made sense. Clay had been off for a while now, everyone was loosing their minds. "Just get the fuck out, all of you. I'll deal with Clay and get to the bottom of this. Chibs you were fucking out of line. I don't care what the fuck happened. Juicey is a good boy. Now I don't know what is going on in the club but Clay wouldn't accuse Juice for no reason."

"To save his own ass is a good reason." Tig spoke up.  
They cleared the room and left Gemma to tend to his wounds. 

Juice looked at Chibs with worry, trying to keep a normal distance. Bobby came in from behind the bar with a wet towel for him to clean up with. Chibs pressed the towel to his face wiping away blood.

The group of them sat in the bar talking about the incident, for the most part no one was upset with Chibs. Except for Juice. He was worried, scared and now he was pissed off.  
"Juicey get back ta work. Everythingll be fine. Ye all get back ta work. Jax call Tara. They're gonna need her." He stumbles to the bar and started pouring himself a whiskey. Juice didn't go to the shop, he walked over to the bar.  
"Was kicked out of the shop. Remember. If you're not gonna let me help you clean up I can drink with you." He pulled a shot class and sat it down next to Chibs glass.   
"Yer a lightweight."

Juice laughed at his gruffness. "Didn't say I'd keep up just keep you company. Or I can get Tig if you'd rather drink with someone who can match your pace." Chibs poured them both a shot.

"Eh! Tiggy come'ere. Have a drink." He poured a third. 

"I'd love to drink with you, but I've got a date with my lady. Hey! I have an idea. Why don't you and your special who ever come out with us tonight?"

Juice scrunched his face confused and praying he was the someone but also a secret. Chibs smirked.  
"I don think we're ready for doubles." He drawled out. 

"Well you tell Venus that, because as soon as you woo "her" -he spoke as if unsure of how to approach the gender subject- Venus wants y'all over for dinner." 

They clanked their glasses and drank. Chibs nodded.

"Whose this someone? Why haven't I heard anything about them?" Juice asked innocently, sipping on his shot.

"Yer a coy litter fucker ain't ye?" 

Juice nodded with a smile. “I’m gonna head home. Just... so you know.”  
Chibs and Tig waived him off as he turned to walk out. He nodded at the rest of the guys, smiling. Today had been one of the most stressful days of his life and he knew the repercussions of it weren’t anywhere near over. However for now things were on a lighter note. He tried to keep his excitement about a pending dinner with Venus to a minimum. Hell Chibs may never make them public.


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wordy chapter. They have a serious talk and realizations. They are both learning so much about themselves.

"Why're ye so upset Juicey? I said I was sorry for causing a raucous." Chibs was sorry, he didn't realize the man would get so upset. They'd all been in fights before, Juice and himself had their blows even. His face showed the sincerity of his apology but Juice rolled his eyes and huffed. 

"I'm pissed at the situation Chibs. I mean we've been back a few hours and you're bleeding, the President is a pulp, and you have no understanding as to why that's a problem. I'm already in a fit of nerves and now I'm worried about you also. I thought things would be different for some reason." He just stared blankly at Chibs, trying to keep emotion from his face. 

Chibs sighed, he was right. Juice shouldn't be worried about him flying off the handle every time something goes wrong. A normal level of worry one has for their partner sure but how could the lad trust him if he was worried about his decision making. Chibs was maxed out, they'd only been in Charming for a few hours and he was already tired of being Chibs. He wanted to shrug off his cut and just be Fillip with Juan. 

"I do see the problem Juan. I am sorry. Im not sorry for defending ye, but I did go about it poorly. Ye don't need the stress of worrying about what I'm going to do. There is no excuse for my behavior, all I can do is apologize. If ye some time to process yerself thas fine. I'll be on yer couch when yer ready to talk to me about it." 

Juan looked dumbfounded, he couldnt process what he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he was actually mad at Fillip or the situation in general. He needed a minute to get his words together. He leaned against the counter and threw the ice pack angrily into the sink. He felt a spiral starting, everything felt out of control. After their away time, with everything being safe and controlled in some way or another he wasn't ready for the chaos of this life. He stood there for a little longer before succumbing to his strongest emotion. Chibs was fine, things would be fine, he was fine. He didn't want Chibs, he wanted his dominant, in control of the chaos Fillip. He snuggly and cuddly Daddy. He needed to feel that safety, that  control he only felt when he gave up some of his own. They hadn't done much but the spanking he'd gotten after his fuss had made him feel oddly calm. The way Fillip or Daddy stayed so calm and just told him what would be, he needed that. He didn't want a spanking, he didn't need that, he just needed Daddy to stop being sad and just fix it.  
He stormed into the living room with his hands on his hips. He was going to fix it.

"Get up Fillip." He commanded in a stern voice. Fillip cracked open an eye and looked at Juan with a raised eye brow.  
Juan didn't crack he simply repeated the command impatiently. "Get off of the couch."  
Fillip decided to play along, whatever he was up too would probably be in the very least amusing. He stood and crossed his arms, eyes locked on Juan. "Now wha?"

Juan was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say next. He hadn't planned past that, he thought surely Fillip would either tell him to hush and pull him into the couch with him or he'd be punished for being so rude. His brow crinkled and he quickly came up with something.  
"Give a hug. A real one. Not an apologetic one. Hug me like you mean it." He tried to maintain a stern voice but it was so hard to do when asking for hugs. Also when talking to Fillip it was near impossible.  
Fillip nodded and closed the space between them, pulling Juan into a tight hug. It felt like warm and forgiveness mixed with the safety of those arms and the smell of whiskey, Juan's head felt swimmy.  
"Yer cute when yer bossy." He kissed the crown of his head. "Ye feel all mixed up huh?" Juan nodded into his chest. "My little display of arrogance and assault didn't help make anything better did it? Juan shook his head. "Ye feel confused and uneasy. Bc you didn't know what to do or how to react after our time away. I did a terrible job at helping you transition. Helping you continue to feel safe and in control. I wasn't thinking about how my actions would affect ye, just thinking about my own feelings. I wasn't a very good example of how to handle a tough situation was I? Juan shook his head, clutching onto Fillip still not letting go of the hug. I wasn't being a very good Daddy. Or Dominant. Or partner. I thought I was doing it for ye, but I was doing it for my own satisfaction. I never considered what ye wanted. I didn't give ye the information. I'm not apologizing, I'm laying out my infractions. Accepting responsibility for what I've done, and asking for forgiveness." He squeezed Juan tighter, Juan felt bubbles of tension being squeezed from him, relaxing more into feeling. 

"Everyone makes mistakes Daddy. I forgive you. Especially since you seem to understand the things I'm not good at even saying."

They stood like that a little while longer in silence. Juan pulled out of the embrace and smiled. He felt better but still his anxiety danced in the background. 

"I don't know what I need. I just need for you to know for me. Everything is unrattled and I wish we could go back to that house."

"Lad we don't need that house to be who we are. Ye need me to make ye feel safe, you need to submit and I need to lead ye. We can do tha 'ere. Inside the walls 'ere or my place or there we are safe. Ye are safe. We will work out a system for everything else. I promise." 

"Daddy ye were so mad. You beat Clay because of me. You scared me. What if retaliates? What if he finds out about us? Did you feel lost and out of control?"

"I did a little lad. I just wanted to protect ye from Clay and the wrath he was trying to bestow to ye. I felt scared, worried, angry, and sad."

Juan poured a little and sat down on the couch. "Why were you sad?"

"Because my baby boy needed me , I needed my baby boy. I was sad because that need fueled my anger even more. I couldn't comfort ye nor seek comfort from ye, because of some rules, we have to be a secret. Rules Clay could change. The next president could change. I felt weak. I didn't want to be weak so I punched him. I was sad because I was denying our needs for their comfort. I was mad at myself because I was feeling all these things."  
Juan tugged his arm so Fillip sat beside him on the couch. 

"I think you need some cuddles Daddy. I happen to have lots of them just for you." 

"Yer such a sweet lad." Fillip laid over putting his head on Juan's lap. He thought about the night he'd done the same thing for Juan. He'd been so giddy from being in the moment, he hadn't processed what was actually happening. Juan was like a sponge and he soaked up everything Fillip did. Good and bad. All along he's been setting the example Juan was following, now that the lad had let his guard down he needed those moments so much more. Now he had a title, but his role hadn't really changed. 

He rubbed Fillips hair and spoke softly: "I love you Fillip. Just like you let me fall apart, and fall into you, I can be strong for you too. You're not weak, you're human, you can seek comfort from me when you need it. I will not think less of you, I feel strong and safe because you trusted me, you chose me to help you. If you feel safe enough to break a little with me, what do I have to be afraid of? You're the best Daddy, partner whatever, even when you don't know it."

Fillip sighed, leading by example was the best way. How could he expect the lad to ask for help if he himself didn't? Why was the lad so smart. They lay cuddled on the couch for a long time, dozing off. 

"Lad. Lad." Fillip whispered trying to wake Juan.  
He moved little but didn't open his eyes. "Lad we've been asleep for two hours. Get up or ye won't ever go to sleep tonight. We have to be at the clubhouse early in the morning. We have church ye know."

Juan yawned and smiled at Fillip who was still laying on his legs. 

"I know I know. I'm hungry though. I'll cook us some dinner." He paused for a second trying to think of how to say what he wanted to say. 

" I know we are taking our time and such so we don't rush anything, I'm glad for that. Um. Do you think maybe, we could shower together, it's cheesy but I want to wash you, it always seems so great in movies. I need some kind of intimacy and I know we're not ready for sex. I just wanna quiet the voice in my head." 

"That voice keep telling ye this is an experiment for me? That I don't really wan this and will push ye away, because yer a man I assume." Juan nodded shamefully. 

"Lad I'll do what I can to make my love, my interest, my intentions louder than the anxious voice in your head. Shower together it is. I understand yer need for intimacy, I do. I need it too. Can I wash ye?"

Juan giggled and nodded. "But you better not get fresh with me!" 

Fillip sat up and pulled Juan into a deep kiss full of passion. They only broke to breathe and Juan looked him deep in the eyes. 

His expression was very serious and he held Fillip with his hands on his shoulders. He was either going to say something profound or nothing at all judging by the look on his face. 

"Fillip. Daddy. I'm still hungry. Can we go to the diner you like?" 

Fillip laughed, he didn't expect that from him right then. He nodded and rolled his eyes playfully.  
"I don't know what I'm gonna do with ye Juan. I just don't know."  
Juan smiled his megawatt smile. Everything was calm for now, but in the life they led that could change any second. They both quietly decided to relish in the moment, being together. 

"Can I sleep 'ere tonight?"

"God! I was hoping you'd ask!"


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fillip thinks about their life and the burdens Juice carries. He can’t sleep so he plans.

The shower was nice despite being a bit awkward. Juan seemed really excited about being able to wash Fillip. He'd rubbed the soapy sponge all over him, taking special care in particular areas. His favorite part seemed to be his hair though. He stood it up, laid it down, made a mess of it, he played with it for long that Fillip was sure he'd washed his hair off. Juan had relaxed so much since their tiff, Fillip felt much more at ease after talking with him. 

He often forgot that Juan was much stronger than people gave him credit for, even himself. Juan has a need to break down, to shrug off responsibility, that was his way of handling the stress. He knew that for this to work our he'd have to give Juan his confidence and trust him as much as he wanted the lad to trust him. 

Now they lay in bed, Juan was wrapped tightly around his body, trying to comfort himself from the weight of the worry he'd taken on. His presence gave Fillip some comfort as well, his brain ran at full throttle keeping him from sleep. The man whose head lay on his chest was peaceful, the opposite of how he looked during the day. Those big eyes always looked worried, and his smile not always blinding but forced. Fillip had come to read him well over the few years they'd known each other. 

He hadn't expected to fall for the kid the way he did, but now as he held him close he wished he could go back and keep him safe from the demons that haunted him. The kid that had walked into TM one afternoon was young, and cocky but Fillip hadn't known him then. He now knows that was all an act, a protection he'd put into his personal firewall. 

His head was shaved and he had tattoos that made Fillip roll his eyes. Something about the kid drew Fillip to him and he offered to sponsor the kid. Learning how old Juan ,who preferred to go by Juice, was was a surprise. He was a man in his twenties not a teenager. A part of Fillip ached when he looked at the kid though. His clothes were too big, he looked like he hadn't slept in days, nor showered and he needed a decent meal. His big eyes held fear despite his confident words. He was running. From what Fillip didn't know, and he wasn't going to just ask. Clay had accepted him to prospect, maybe not seeing the fear in the kid, maybe he didn't care. 

If Fillip had known then the demons the kid fought with he would have never let him patch in. He didn't know. He didn't know the bravado was a learned behavior. He didn't know that the kid just needed someone to trust. He didn't know he was the kids only real friend. Juice took to him, he hung onto every word Fillip said, he always had time for Fillip and his complaints. 

Fillip lay in bed now feeling guilty about all the times he'd dumped his heart out to him. He cried on his couch over Fiona and his daughter. Juice just hugged him, letting him cry. Never judging him. He screamed and yelled and broke Juices ash tray against the wall in a fit of rage because of a woman he'd developed feelings for, turned out to be a mole. Juice just hugged him. He never asked too many questions or made Fillip feel weak or broken. He just took it, like he was absorbing the negativity until Fillip had none left. Unfortunately that meant Juice had been holding it with no healthy way to let it out. 

He rubbed his nose in Juan's hair and smelled his smell. If he had known back then how hard it had been for Juan to hear him cry, and complain about his love life he would have never told him. If he'd known then that the kid would be the one he would end up falling so hard for he would have let himself fall sooner. 

His mind kept rolling through some of moments that led him to this. His heart pounded in his chest. This was the first time since his days with Fiona that he'd felt this way about any other person, he couldn't deny that it was love. He was in love, had been for a while. He spent so much time with Juice because he wanted too, not because he needed too. Slowly he'd seen him come out of his shell more and more and the man he was at home versus the man he was in the club Fillip had learned wasn't the same. The man he held in his arms right now and the man he spent those recent nights with weren't the same. In Charming he was a shell of a man, at the place in LA he was more complete.

Fillip started drifting in and out of sleep. The images he saw in his mind were of a different life. A life where he and Juice were just Fillip and Juan. He knew Juice only joined the club for a sense of family but what sort of family were they really? Back stabbers, cheats, criminals, fair-weather brothers who'd shoot you in the back as soon as you made a mistake. That's not the kind of life that Juice needed, he wasn't made for it. 

Juan rolled over scrunching into a ball on the bed, he reached his hand behind him and grabbed Fillips, pulling him to his back.  
"Warm." He mumbled in his sleep and drifted back off.  
Tomorrow Chibs would talk with Tig, see what he thought about some ideas he'd had. Maybe the world was about to change.


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days have gone by since they got back into Charming.They’ve started to get back into the routine of being Sons. They have a private moment and Juice thinks of the future.

As life in Charming started to get back to normal for Chibs and Juice things were also unraveling. For several days now they'd been so busy with club stuff they hadn't seen each other at all. Juice was running some merchandise to Tacoma with some of the other boys and Chibs was holding down at the cabin. He'd been part of the decision to send Juice to Tacoma instead of having him stay at the cabin. He didn't want Juice to be a part of the disaster that was taking place.  
Every night for three nights now he'd called to check in with him, and every time Juice seemed more distant. Their cute lovey texts slowed a bit and Chibs grew concerned. He tried to write it off, they were busy, they were adults not love struck teenagers who needed constant contact. That didn't actually stop the worry in his gut.  
He sat next to Tig and Jax at the small table in the cabin sipping a coffee. He knew tonight was the night, Jax just had to call it. It was time for Clay to turn in his cut. He was out, he'd done too much damage. Clay walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and sitting with them, he filled his cup.  
"Jax, I want you to know you'll make a fine president. I've always loved you son." He stood, clapped Jax on the back and walked into the living room. He knew why they were there. Specifically the four of them, no other reason than to patch him out.  
Jax nodded at the other two and grabbed his gun from his hip. Chibs sent a message to a prospect, letting them know they'd be needed soon for clean up. Tig stood next to Jax silently as Jax collected himself for his mission.  
This wouldn't be his first kill but he was his step father and that counted for something. "If you don't want to do it, let me know. I got you." Tig whispered into his ear as Chibs joined by his side.  
The entire process was draining emotionally. When it was over and Clays cold body lay on the floor Jax began to come undone. They all came undone, silent tears falling as they mourned the loss of who was once a great friend and leader. Who was now a hateful, cold, traitor who lay dead on the floor. No longer a Son.  
When the prospects arrived Chibs excused himself to head back home. Tonight he needed more than a quick "Hey, I love you" conversation with Juice.

He kicked off his boots and shrugged off his cut, cracking open a beer he slumped down onto the couch. He opened his phone and scrolled through his unread messages. He had a few from Opie about the run and the rest were from Juice. He smiled as he looked through the messages. He'd felt like his lover was pulling away from him, in reality he was trying to protect himself. He detailed in a message how he was sorry for being so short, it hurt less being away if he didn't think about them. This made Fillip a little sad for him but he also understood.  
Fillip went to the other messages.  
7:37Pm: Juice: I miss you. I can't wait to be back.  
8:26Pm: Juice: I know you're busy, we just stopped to eat. Will you call me tonight though?  
11:48 Pm: Juice: Daddy...  
11:49Pm: Juice: just wanted to let you know we're bunking down for the night. We head home tomorrow so I should be home in a few days. I hope you're alright. I love you.  
11:52Pm Chibs: Hey lovey. I'm sorry for not replying, I couldn't. I miss you. I just got home from my run with Jax and Tig, I'm gonna shower and then ill call you. I'm glad you're doing okay.  
11:54Pm Juice: DADDY!!!!! Hey! I'm happy to hear from you. Go clean your dirty ass and then call me. I'm in my room by myself right now, sharing with Bobby tonight. Everyone is out at some bar, I didn't want to go.  
Chibs looked at the message and laughed. He took the fastest shower he could trying to hurry so he could talk to his lad. Less than five minutes he was drying off and pressing call.  
"Hey Daddy. You're all clean now?"

"Yes, I'm all clean now. Ye had yer shower?" 

"Yep. All cleaned up. Too bad you had to wash yourself Daddy." 

"That's alrigh' lad. Ye being a good boy?"

"As good as a Son on a run can be." Juice giggled. 

"Good. I'm so glad ye will be home soon Juan. I miss ye. Talking to ye feels good."

"It does. Haven't had much time. Run was smooth though. What did you guys have to do?"

Silence. 

"Chibby? You fall asleep on me?"

"No lad. When ye get back in town, come straight to my house okay. I need to fill ye in on what went down at the cabin."

"Oh, alright. Everyone alright?" 

"Yes we're in one piece. Let's talk about something else?"

"Okay. Let's talk about how I want you to spank me again."

"Juan! Yer a naughty thing. Don get me riled up when yer so far away." 

Juan giggled. He knew Fillip had said he wouldn't spank him just because but he wondered if he could negotiate with him a way to have playful spankings. He did like it, he liked the sting on his butt especially during sex. He'd done that before once with a female partner, she was very dominant and had liked spanking him until he was so hard he couldn't stand it. He didn't just want spankings for punishment, maybe he could get different spankings. 

"Didn't think spanking me would rile you up." Juan teased.

"Well yer little ass on my lap does something for me. I won't punish ye if yer not bad."

"I think I'd like it if my ass was red and stinging while your cock was pounding into me."

Chibs choked on his beer, in total surprise.  
"Well yer about to earn a spanking talking like that." Fillip teased.

"I'll be a good boy Daddy. I think I need a spanking, to remind me whose the boss. I seem to be struggling with remembering." 

"Yer struggling alrigh' lad. How about, we can try it, if that's something yer interested in, we can give it a go. I don't want ye to get confused."

"I think if we talk about it, it will be okay. When you spanked me for being so rude there was a sort of process. Maybe if we're just playing it can be different so neither of us have to worry. We can use safe words."

"Safe words? What do ye know about safe words?"

"A lot. I've done research. I also maybe experimented at a club once long before I was in the Sons."

"So yer a kinky little nymph huh?"

Juan giggled. His cheeks were red, he knew he shouldn't be teasing Fillip so much but he couldn't help it. It was fun. They were waiting to have sex, until they were both more settled into their roles and this new life together. Juan was fine with that, he knew Fillip was fine with that, sometimes it was so hard though. He was lustfully ready, however deep down he knew he may not be ready to go down that road. They would be different after that, he would feel differently. He was already in love, he very well might burst if they had sex now. Just cause they were waiting for sex didn't mean he couldn't tease, or masturbate.  
"Sorta. Yeah. Your voice on the phone, the way it sounds husky and a little raspy is making me hard."

Fillip took a breath. After the night he'd had, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get some relief. This wasn't sex, this was teasing and playing. He was glad the lad wasn't in front of him right now, he didn't think he would be able to keep waiting. 

"My voice makes ye hard huh? Thinking about the things ye say makes me hard lad. I wan ye."

"I already told you, you can have me. Whenever we get there, I'm yours. Right now though, I'm trying to keep my hands off of my throbbing cock." 

"Why're ye keeping yer hands off?"  
Juan groaned a little into the phone. Unsure really what to say. They hadn't talked about it really. He didn't know if he was allowed too, or if since they weren't having sex if he shouldn't jerk off too.  
"You never said I could." He decided to go with that.  
Fillip like the way that sounded. The lad was waiting for permission and that made his own cock twitch in response.  
"Yer such a good boy. Ye can touch yer cock lovey. Just don't cum till I say ye hear me?"

"Yes sir." His voice was muffled as he moved around in the background, getting his pajama pants down enough to free himself. "It's so hard Fillip. Mmmm" he moaned as he gripped his cock and squeezed a little to calm himself down some. 

He wasn't being little at all now for sure. He used Fillips real name in place of any others as if he wanted to distinguish for the man where his head was. Fillip noted this.

"I bet yer cock is beautiful when it's hard lovey. Tell me how it feels when ye rub it."

"Sensitive, but soo good. Are you touching your cock too?"

Fillip dropped his towel to the floor, since he hadn't gotten dressed he had easy access. "Yeah lad. Dropped my towel. Feels so good."

"Da-Fillip, can I pretend that you're touching me? Please." His reply was breathy. "You pretend I'm touching you."

Fillip moaned loudly at the thought, wishing his lad was there pumping his cock.  
"Is that a yes?" 

"Tha's a yes lad." Fillip grunted, he really wasn't sure how long he'd last, he hadn't gotten off in a while, beating off wasn't really a habit and he hadn't been interested in the Crow eaters for a while. He wasn't sure about the lad, he was fairly certain he'd entertained a few before they left and being so young he probably beat off a few times a day.  
"My nipples are hard too, I like the way it feels when they're touched too. Squeezed, licked, teased you know? Doing that makes me crazy." 

"Well then I'll have to play with em huh? Go ahead lad. My cock is leaking I wan to feel ye so much."

"Is it bad if I call you Daddy?" Juan squeaked almost desperately. 

"No lad, ye can be big and call me Daddy. I like it. Daddy wants ye to feel good."

"I do Daddy, it feels so good. I'm gonna cum soon, please Daddy?"

Fillip was so close it hurt himself, the lads voice was driving him to the edge. 

"Yeah? Ye wanna cum?" 

Juan moaned and whined desperately. "Please?" 

"Cum for me lovey. Let it go."

He heard the lad shuffling in the phone, he heard his gurgled cries as his orgasm hit him. Fillip pumped faster, bringing himself over. Juan could only hear s little bit, the phone was laying on the pillow. He wiped his hand on a dirty shirt and picked the phone back up breathing hard.  
"Thank you."  
He heard Fillip chuckle. "That was more than I bargained for. I'm gonna have to send ye away more often if it gets ye like this."

“Don’t send me away. You get me like this.” He yawned pulling the covers up.

“Ye sleepy lad?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Get some sleep. Ye gotta a long ride back. See ye in a few days. Call me tomorrow sometime okay.”

“Kay. I love you Fillip.” 

“Love ye too.” 

They hung up. Juan was closing his eyes when the door busted open jerking him awake. Bobby was singing at the top of his lungs, as Opie and a prospect drug him into the room flopping him onto the bed. 

“He’s all yours Juice. See ya in the morning.”

“Thanks man.” He grumbled and rolled Bobby onto his side. Once he got snuggled back down in the bed he closed his eyes and thought about Fillip and how he’d soon be back at home. He wondered to himself, if it was too soon to just move in. He hated being alone, and surly they could come up with a reason. He drifted off to sleep thinking about their future.


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice makes it back to Charming

Juice slowed as they reached Charming. He liked the feeling of the sun on his face and the smells of nature around him. This is what he liked about being a Son. The rides, being on the road, being a family, meeting Chibs, those were the best things. He wished he could have those things and leave the bad stuff out. He didn't want to do time again, last time they traded him out for protection and he ended up shanked in the kidneys. He didn't think he'd survive again. He didn't even want to think about it really, being forced away from Chibs for that long alone would kill him.  
He squinted his eyes against the sun and looked forward, just a few more miles and he'd be pulling into Chibs drive way. He was more than ready to shed Juice and be Juan, inside those walls he could be Juan. Granted he knew he needed to be grown up, it wasn't safe for him to switch his mindset here, but being around Fillip made it difficult.  
He knew it was stupid, why would he even feel the need to be small. He shouldn't want that, Fillip deserved someone better. He knew that. He needed someone that wasn't a mess, could take care of themselves, was not an imposter and actually capable of being a Son. He needed someone he didn't have to worry about having sex with. He knew he was everything Fillip didn't need, but for some reason Fillip wanted him. It wasn't fair, but when was life fair.  
He remembered meeting the man with the accent he could barely understand. His greying brown hair pushed back behind blue sunglasses were such a contrast to the cut he'd thought at the time. The scars on his face made him scary but he smiled and it was genuine. He'd offered to take him on, he sponsored him to prospect.  
The day he made it into Charming he figured he'd made it as far as he could. He'd ran to the other side of the country, fleeing Queens, the life he'd had there. He didn't talk about it now, he tried not to remember it. His family didn't even notice he'd left so what did it matter?  
In Queens he was making ends meet trading favors. It wasn't glamorous but he was making it. When he needed extra money he'd hack an account and take some. Never more than he needed. When O'Neal took interest in him, at first he thought it was great, he was special. He treated him good, caught up his bills, took him to nice dinners, once he moved into O'Neals place that's when things changed. He thought he was leaving tricks behind, but instead he became a full fledged prostitute with one of the biggest pumps in Queens. The only way out was in a box, or to run. He packed a few of his things and in the middle of the night, while O'Neal entertained some women in the club below their apartment, he took the first bus out of town. He didn't even care where it went, he just had to leave. At first O'Neal called looking for him, but after a few weeks the calls stopped. Now he had occasional nightmares about what would happen if he were found but he had his brothers now. Surely they'd protect him, right?  
He shook the thought from his head as he pulled into the drive way. He smiled when he saw Fillip standing in the door way waiting for him.

It took everything in him not to run into his arms. He walked up to the house and Fillip pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the side of his head.  
"Missed ye lad. Glad it went well."

Juan couldnt talk from being smashed but he didn't mind. For the moment everything in his mind settled and he just felt safe. Using his foot he kicked the door closed and wiggled free enough to kiss Fillips face all over before landing on his lips.

"I missed you also. I don't want to keep going away like that. I just want to stay here and be with you." He blurted in between kisses. Fillip took the words to heart, however he knew the lad was happy to be back and wasn't even aware of the things he was saying.

Fillip squeezed him again before letting go. "Let's go sit and tell me about your little trip." He sighed. "My story isn't going to be as fun as yours."

Juan followed him into the room and took off his cut and boots before sitting on the couch. He sat beside Fillip only briefly before he moved over and put himself on his lap, snuggling his face into his chest.  
"Is this okay Daddy? I just need to be close to you." He wasn't feeling especially small, he just felt clingy, he wanted to be as close as he could be for as long as Fillip would let him.  
His strong arms wrapped around Juan's body and held him there, making Juan sigh in relief. "Aye lad, ye can stay as long as ye need. I need it too. I do need ye to be a big boy though so I can talk to ye. Can ye do tha?"  
Juan nodded. "I'm not small. I just need contact and I just like to call you Daddy. Promise." He looked Fillip in the eye to prove his point.  
"Alrigh then. I'm just gonna be blunt lad. Clay didn't make it back from the cabin. Jax is moving up to President, I'm his second in command. He wants to move the club towards going legit but it won't be easy. Ye understand wha I’m saying lad?”  
Juan nodded. Despite all the bad stuff Clay had done, he’d loved the man, he was his leader his brother. He tried but couldn’t stop the tears that fell, Fillip comforted him as best he could. They sat in silence holding each other waiting for Juan to form thoughts.


	22. 22

"I'm gonna run ye a bath, help ye settle okay?"

"Fine. So you gonna tell me what happened? I mean I knew something was going on but I didn't expect that." Juice fidgeted removing his clothes. 

"Well I'll tell ye what ye need to know. Thas it." Fillip muttered as he added some bubbles into the water. 

Juan was down to his underwear and standing awkwardly with his arms wrapped around him. He wasn't sure what to do. Being in Charming made everything seem risky.  
Finally Fillip spoke, rescuing him from his thoughts.  
"Ye wan me to stay or leave ye alone?"

"STAY!" Juan blurted out without thinking. Any time he could spend with Fillip he'd take. His face flushed and he felt the heat rise inside him. 

Fillip only chuckled and nodded, sitting on the step that led into the garden tub. "Well come on with ye then." 

Juan blushed more if that were even possible and pulled his shorts off. He was embarrassed to be standing there naked in front of Fillip. It wasn't a bad feeling though, he liked the feeling of his eyes on him, feeling exposed and vulnerable. He slowly stepped into the hot water, Fillips hands helped guide him so he didn't fall. When he sank into the water he couldn't help the moan he let out from how good it felt. 

"'S good? Ye just soak here and I'll grab ye a towel. I'm sure ye have something here to sleep in."

Juans eyes popped open and he sat up in the tub. "I get to sleep here?"

Fillip was slightly shocked by his response, he was also bothered that his partner suddenly felt like he shouldn't stay. 

"Is there a reason ye shouldn't? Yeve stayed so many times."

Juan looked down at the water and shook his head no. "I-I jus-just didn't w-want to cause trouble." He stuttered, flooding with shame. 

"Tha's not gonna cause trouble ye numpty. Ye can stay here anytime ye wan too."  
Juan nodded.  
"Now lay back and relax 'fore I have to spank ye for being hardheaded."  
Now Juan grinned his famous grin and his cheeks turned red again. Fillip grabbed a towel and came back over to the tub. "Ye silly wee lad. Would ye feel better for real if I did spank ye? Just for the hell of it?"  
Juan nodded enthusiastically. "Wouldn't be for the hell of it Fillip. It'd be to remind me who is boss." 

Now Fillip smirked at him playfully. Juan could feel himself getting hard, the temperature of the water was more noticeable against his sensitive flesh. He was thankful the tub was deep enough and with the bubbles that Fillip couldn't see it.  
"I see. Ye need to be over my lap to remember where ye belong?" He was teasing but he used a more stern tone.  
Juan shyed a little more but his eyes sparkled deviously. "I think it would help... sir."

Fillip poured a cup of water over his head chuckling. The tone of Juan's voice when saying the word, "sir" made Fillips stomach flip around a little.  
"Oooo breaking out a "sir" now huh?" 

Juan smiled proudly, also sighing into the feeling of Fillips fingers massaging his scalp as he worked the shampoo through his thick hair.  
"Did it help?" 

"I'd say it helped. So being serious, I've noticed ye seem more unsure of what to do around me since we got back. Just relax and do what feels natural. I know we have to be careful at the club right now, but in our homes... Juan." He poured more water to rinse out the shampoo, and kept talking. "I am your partner. What did ye call it... um... "boyfriend"- he teased- more than that, I am yer dominant, right?" 

Juan nodded, trying not to get soap in his mouth.

"Yer my submissive, my lad. When ye wan to be, yer my lil one. Daddy's lil boy. Right?" 

Juan shivered. Fillip was right, that was what they'd talked about, agreed too. It's what not only he wanted, both of them wanted. Needed even.  
He nodded. Fillip sat the cup down and grabbed a small hand towel to dry his eyes with. 

"Look at me lad." Juan turned his face to look Fillip in the eye.  
"We can establish a routine for everyday, and a routine for when we have to be apart. Something to help ye get into yer role. Will that be good?"

"Yes please. I need boundaries, guidelines, rules even, something black and white to hold on to against the grey in the world we live in."

"Ye really think a spanking would help with tha? Not just because ye find it fun?" He arched his brow at Juan now still smiling.

"Of course it's fun if I'm not in trouble, but that doesn't mean it can't be helpful. I mean I guess it doesn't have to be every time but it would really help." Juan was teasing but he was very serious.

He was struggling with knowing when to do what in Charming. It was too grey, he didn't want to do the wrong thing and if Fillip displayed his dominance it would for sure clear the blurred lines for him.  Even if he wasn't spanked every time, having a routine to get into the right mindset would help him. He wanted to be good, he wanted to obey, he wanted to just not have to worry. He hoped Fillip understood, that he could make him understand. 

Fillip rinsed off his body now, Juan was so inside his head he hadn't even noticed that he'd been washed. Fillip pulled the stopper he was talking but Juan didn’t really hear anything he said. He felt cold, and the lights were too bright, he couldn’t focus and the room was too small. He collapsed into Fillips arms upon standing and the room went black.


	23. 23

Juan opened his eyes slowly, his head was pounding and everything was blurry. He wasn't sure what happened, he knew something wasn't right. Last thing he remembered was sitting in the tub talking to Fillip. Fillip... he wasn't here. Juan suddenly felt panic creeping into his chest. Where was he? Where was Fillip? How long had passed since his bath? He didn't know. He tried to control his breathing and sat up on the bed. He was only in a pair of shorts he didn't recall putting on, and he suddenly had a strong urge to vomit.

He slowly climbed out of the bed and squinted trying to make his eyes focus. Smell. He smelled the strong scent of old spice and leather. He was at Fillips house, he was safe. Where was Fillip? What the hell had happened to him. 

He shuffled his feet going back towards the bathroom. Fillip stopped him before he made it far. He'd been sitting in the chair by the bed watching Juan for two hours. Two hours he hadn't moved, he watched his breathing, making sure he was alive. He hadn't known what made the boy faint like he had but it had scared him. He was worried enough to call Tara. All he could think was, what if Juan had been alone? Had this happened before? Was he ill? Did he do something stupid? Fillip tried not to think about the last part, he believed Juan wouldn't do that again he had promised. 

"Yer up lad? Ye feel alright? Ye scared me half to death." Fillip sounded shaken, he was very worried. 

"I'm alright. What happened?" Juan rubbed his eyes some more, his voice sounded distant and tired. 

Fillip grabbed his arm gently and walked him to the chair. "I don't know. Tara is on her way over. Give ye a once over. Ye ever faint like this before?"

Juan shook his head no. 

"Well there had to be a reason. We will find out."  
He patted Juan's back.  
Juan tensed instead of relaxing. He was fairly certain he knew why he'd fainted. He'd taken some extra recreational medication that afternoon. His anxiety from the road was getting to him and needed to calm down. He hadn't noticed any affect from it, until he stopped moving. He noticed in the tub how his heart began to race,and not just from love. His thoughts had started to get foggy, and he was missing a chunk of time. He hadn’t messed up like that in a long time. He tried to think about the dosage of the pills. Had they been different? He bought these off a kid near the mall, almost a year ago. Hadn’t really taken them except one other time. He started to feel panic again. He couldn’t remember when he took them before. Nothing from that day, after he purchased them and got home. There was blank. He remembered when time started again though. Just like this time, only he didn’t know how much time passed then. He made a mental note to flush the rest of those devils.

He didn't want Fillip to know, he detested drugs. He would throw him out if he knew he had been high, nothing he'd said would have even mattered. Juan couldnt shake the feeling that Fillip would give up on him. He had no faith in love and how far it went. Especially now, everything seemed void. Clay was gone, he knew his brothers had done it. So many others had been let go the same way, over whatever infraction seemed serious enough. How was that love? How was that family?

"Don't need the doc Daddy. I'm alright really. Maybe just exhausted." 

Fillip raised a brow at him, but he decided not to push the issue. "Well if ye day yer fine then I'll believe ye. If it happens again I'm calling the doc. No arguments."

Juan smiled and nodded, secretly knowing it wouldn’t happen again because he’d flush his supply. Though he felt a little guilty keeping a secret from Fillip, he felt it was necessary. His head was feeling less foggy but he was still sleepy. He knew it wasn't close to bed time though, the sun was still up.  
"Oh. You said you'd tell me about Clay. Can we talk about that now?" He wanted to change the subject even if the topic were grim. He stood from the chair and walked over to where Fillip had sat on the bed. 

"Ye still look tired lovey. Ye sure ye wan to hear about it now?" 

Juan laid down and pulled Fillip with him. "Yes. Lay with me and tell me. I missed you so much."

Fillip pulled him in close and wrapped his arms around him. He missed Juan more than he thought he would. He kissed the top of his head and rubbed his arm as he began to tell him about the cabin.

Juan was in tears again by the end of his story even though he understood why Clay had to go. Fillip soothed him as best he could, letting him crumble in his arms. 

Finally when sniffles were all he had left, Juan was too sleepy to do much else. The combination of the drugs he'd taken and the emotional emptiness he now felt were wearing him down. 

Fillip paced his living room anxiously. Juan was in bed asleep but he couldn't turn his mind off. He was ready now more than ever to find a way out of Charming, out of the club. He had money put away, he could make it for a while on that. He had a house. He shook his head knowing it was too soon and too crazy to plan a future for someone he just started dating. Even more crazy he knew this was real. This was love.


	24. 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemma is mentioned, her character is not a big one but she will come up occasionally. I’ve decided to make her a more genuine character and not devious or wicked. 
> 
> Daddy/Fillip decides Juan needs a break and it is not optional.

Chibs and Juice arrived at TM together in time for their shifts in the garage. The club smelled like bacon and coffee meaning Chucky was making breakfast for the crew. A few of the others were already moving around the area, some prospects stumbled from the dorms. 

Gemma hadn't gotten into the office, no one had heard from her. Everyone knew that she knew about Clay. She'd given her blessing, said her goodbye. Doesn't change that her husband was dead. No matter what he'd done, he was still her husband. Certainly there were sides of him she saw that no one else did. Just as Gemma tried to be hard, everyone knew she loved them. They were her boys. 

There weren't many cars scheduled for the day. The prospects had made their way out to the garage and set up for the day. The few Sons that were there were lingering around talking with one another drinking their coffees. A good easy morning, Chibs was glad for that today. He knew Gemma wouldn't be in today, as was her right. Tonight though there would be an ordainment party for Jax. 

A thick tense fog hung over the group. Everyone knew about Clay but no one would talk about it. Some of the men seemed to be genuinely upset, some indifferent. The brothers from other charters would be in tonight for the wake and the party. They'd let Clay out maintaining his honor for Gemma's sake. For Jax. They didn't want the sins of his step-father to seep onto his stand. In an ironic turn of events they'd reported the death as a bike accident. No one questioned. Everyone knew.

The tension wasn't helping Juice at all. He sat alone now at the bar, already deep into the computer systems. He didn't notice the people moving around him, the sounds of mourning, anger and mundane car repair.  
Juices lingering anxiety from the night before had him hoping he could hide away in the bar and work on surveillance. He had been feeling off and clingy since hed woken up in the middle of the night. Fillip had still been downstairs talking on the phone with Tara, explaining to her why she didn't need to come over any more. He'd had a really hard time convincing her everything was fine, but eventually he did. When Fillip hung up the phone he had noticed Juan standing in the door way. 

His eyes were big, and he was drawn into himself, making himself shrink away. Fillip had seen this posture many many times from Juan over the time he'd known him, but only recently did he come to learn what Juan was feeling when he looked like that. He was making himself small because he felt small, he was hesitant because he still wasn't sure if it was okay. 

Fillip motioned for him to come into the room and wrapped him in a hug. He'd let go a little but not fully like he had previously at the other house. Fillip had held him in his lap, rocking them back and forth on the couch. He wasn't sure what had caused Juan Carlos to make an appearance, he didn't seem to stay long. By the time they made it up to bed together he'd seemed big again, until he went to sleep. 

Fillip had woken up in a pool of sweat from being clung too all night long. He'd spent most of the night thinking about their conversations. Trying to make complete sense of it all. He had to understand before he could move anything forward. He was concerned Juan Carlos would greet him, and they had work today. He personally wasn't ready for that, he also didn't want to discourage the lad, but, he had no plan of action yet for public slip ups. He'd have to find just the right way to grow him up enough for work.

He'd been greeted however, by a big Juan, Juice even. Albeit he was obviously anxious.  
Sitting at the bar now with laptop out, he had that same look on his face. He had a coffee and a plate of toast and eggs sat off to the side, still untouched from where Fillip had sat it.  
He didn't notice when Chibs walked up behind him, startling him when he placed his hand onto his shoulder.  
"Ye gonna keep yer nose in this screen all day?"

Juice looked at him hoping his eyes relayed the message. 

"Didn't mean to scare ye lad. Ye maybe need a break?" 

Juice shook his head no. He wanted to stay busy, avoid everyone. He didn't want to have a breakdown here and he was so tense he just might snap.

"Lad. It's lunch time and ye haven't touched yer brekki, nor have ye moved. It's been four hours lad. Why don we get some lunch out?"

Juice looked exasperated, he just wanted to work. He sighed at Chibs and tried to smile.  
His tone gave away what his face didn't. He snapped his words at Fillip, brushing his hand from his shoulder.  
"I'm fine really. I just really need to get past this firewall. I'll eat later." He turned back to the computer.

Fillip cleared his throat, tightened the grip on his shoulder. He leaned down a bit, so his words went straight to his ear and no one else's.

"Juan. I think ye need a break. Ye understand?"

A chill went up Juans spine bringing him to the present. He had a drop in the pit of his stomach, he knew Chibs never interfered with his job at the club unless it was important. He never had, he wouldn't now. Now that Fillip had a more prevalent role in his life, of course he'd notice how tense he'd been, how stressed he looked. Not only noticed, he now felt the need to do something about it. Of course Daddy wanted him to take a break, and he suddenly felt like he'd been naughty. Daddy hadn't ordered him to take a break, simply asked. Juan said no. He was trying to avoid taking time for himself to keep himself busy, despite needing a break. His anxiety won and he'd gotten snappy with Fillip, answering him rudely. 

He looked at Fillip with apologetic eyes and nodded, sliding from the bar stool. 

Outside the sun was high, Juan had to squint against it to look up at Fillips face.  
"I'm sorry for being an ass. I was just super focused. I know im supposed to obey you and I should have stopped when you suggested a break. I just get so inside my head, and I get confused in public. I do need a break."  
Fillip smiled at him, and squeezed his hand on the back of his neck.  
"It's alright lad. I know ye get really into that computer stuff. Ye weren't naughty. It's okay to not know. Ye also have yer own mind and free will. If ye really didn't want or need a break, I would accept a confident decline. Everything even the air in there is tense, I need a break, thought ye might want to go with me. Ye feelin alrigh or a little scattered?"

"Scattered. Very scattered." They mounted their bikes and Juan followed Fillip out of the TM lot.


	25. 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy gets worried when he makes a mistake that affects Juan. He’s never been a full time top/Daddy before, he gets a lesson in moving too soon. Juan does get what he wanted, but he has a little trouble handling it.

They rode a few miles down the road until they pulled into Fillips driveway. Juan pulled off his helmet and looked at Fillip with confusion, however he still followed him inside. Closing the door behind him, he clapped his hands in front of his body unsure of what else to do with them. 

"I thought we were getting some food. What's up?" He tried to stay calm, big, and more like Juice. 

Fillip shed his cut and sat down on the couch patting the space beside him. Juice followed, removing his cut as well. 

Fillip had kind eyes and his smile was so wonderful Juan felt himself melting as he looked at him. He hadn't kissed him all day, and he had an uncontrollable need to do it now. He did, just as awkwardly and sloppy as the day in the car. Fillip looked surprised for a moment and smiled bigger.  
Juan looked at the floor, picking at his nails. "Sorry, just needed to kiss you."

"Thas alrigh laddie. I tol ye, ye can kiss me as much as ye wan too."  
Another chaste kiss was planted on Juan's forehead.  
Juan nodded and then the pit in his gut returned. "So why are we here?" He asked again trying to sound only curious and not concerned.

Fillip put his hand on Juan's knee, soothing his nerves a little with the touch. He turned his body to face him. "Well Juan. Ye've been so tense and timid all day, not to mention last night. I put some thought into what ye've been saying about needing black and white guidelines. Ye need to feel safe, controlled and in control of yerself. Ye've been telling me tha, ye've been giving examples. Last night when I couldn't sleep I just went round and round in my head what ye could be saying in between all the joking ye do."  
He patted his leg. "Ye with me so far?"  
Juan nodded.  
"If yer sure ye want to try, I think it would be alrigh, maybe even good for ye, to have something to keep ye on solid ground. I don't much like to say keep ye in yer place but thas basically wha I'm saying." He smiled, trying to relax himself before continuing. Juan's eyes were big, happy as if he knew exactly where this was going. Fillip chuckled deeply before he continued.  
"If I spank ye, even though ye weren't naughty, do ye think ye would feel less scattered?"  
Juan nodded enthusiastically trying to fight the curve of his lips into a smile.  
"It would make ye feel better if Daddy reminded ye tha I'm the boss? I take care of ye. Ye don't have to be tough when yer with me?"

Juan's eyes were still big he kept nodding. "Yes Daddy. It would help." What he kept to himself was that, that sting would be a constant reminder that Fillip was keeping him grounded. Only he could give him that and only he could make him feel that safe. If Daddy put him in his place, before they went to the club, no matter what happened at the club, hed know Daddy was going to protect him. 

Fillip cleared his throat and nodded. "Alrigh then. Remember yer not being punished. If ye decide ye don like it, or it's not helping ye say so. Understand?"

"Yes Daddy." 

Fillip scooted into position on the couch and motioned for Juan to come over towards him. "Scoot down yer pants and shorts. Lay across my lap." 

Juan's face heated up with embarrassment, a part of him wanted to back out, but a bigger part of him knew he needed this.  
He lay himself slowly over Fillips lap, resting his face on a throw pillow. Fillip rubbed his bottom in preparation; admiring it really. Juan tried to think of anything else, he could feel himself against Fillips leg and he knew he could feel it too. It just added to the humiliation of the whole situation. The fact that it was his own idea made it more embarrassing, more enticing.

The first smack was hard but not too hard. More than anything it surprised him. He involuntarily tensed his body and let out a low "ohhhhh" through his teeth. Daddy rubbed the place he'd just smacked, smoothing the sting. Once Juan relaxed again, he felt Daddy's hand lift from his skin. Internally his heart was pounding in anticipation knowing the next strike was coming. This time Daddy's hand came down firm, Juan didn't jolt from surprise. However he didn't have time to relax, there were no soothing rubs, that hand just kept coming down again and again. 

It wasn't as painful as the first spanking he'd gotten, he'd earned that one, but it stung. Juan started wiggling around trying to get away from the blows but there was no escape. He could feel sticky dampness against his pelvis and he whined in knowing embarrassment and desperation. There would be proof on Daddy's leg that he was a fucked up whore. Who else got this turned on from being spanked over their boyfriends lap like a naughty child? He did that's who. 

His cock hurt more than his ass at this point, he was harder than he remembered ever being. He'd lost all awareness that there was even a world off of Daddy's lap. He couldn't hear anything Fillip was saying to him other than the distant sound of his wonderfully soothing voice. The wiggling that had started as a poor attempt at escape had turned into full on grinding. The sting in his ass was driving him more, every smack of that hand bringing the simmer in his gut to a full boil. Tears rolled down his cheeks, he didn't know why. The anxiety, the stress, the worry was all falling away, Daddy was taking it from him and it's place was this odd euphoria. He'd been so engulfed in the feeling he didn't even know what he was doing. He was in full blind euphoria. He felt Daddy's arm tighten around his waist slowing down his movements but not stopping them. The restriction in his movements, only made his desperation worse, made the fire inside of him hotter. 

The smacks were evenly distributed, the same time apart, the same firmness. His focus was on nothing but the next smack, the sting, Daddy's lap, the stability of it all. He could feel the heat on his skin, in his stomach, in his cock, on his face. The fire had spread until it had consumed all of him, and his body tensed and shook. 

The smacking stopped, soft circles being rubbed against his sore bottom took their place. His breathing was ragged. The world was spinning. He felt like he was floating somewhere high above the ground. The only thing that felt stable and real was Daddy. Daddy rubbing his sore ass, and his stiff neck. Daddy's voice soft and sure, slowly bringing him back to awareness. Though not fully. 

He noticed Daddy moving him but he had no control over his own body, his limbs wouldn't work. His limp sweaty body was arranged neatly as he was laid down against the cushions of the couch, alone.

That spanking was like nothing he'd ever experienced, everything felt great. Why did his thoughts have to try to ruin it? He fought with himself internally. Daddy was gone. Would he come back? Was he disgusted with him? Did he change his mind about all of this? Juan had never felt so overwhelmed by nothing and everything emotionally as he just was. That wonderful feeling he had was being slowly replaced by shame, he balled himself up as much as he could and shook. 

"Hey, Hey Juan. Baby look at me baby. I'm right here. I should not have left ye so soon. Not when ye were so high, deep in subspace. I'm sorry lovey. I thought he heard me tell ye I'd be right back. Ye nodded. I should have double checked. I got ye a washcloth and some water. Gonna wipe yer face and neck. Yer a sweaty mess lad." 

Juan sniffled and opened his eyes to Daddy's smiling face. He hadn't even realized he'd started crying again. Fillip just pulled him up and adjusted them on the couch so Juan could rest his head in his lap. He wiped him down with the cool cloth and then rubbed his fingers over his scalp tattoos. 

"Yer alrigh lovey. I'm here. Yer safe. Ye must feel funny, or foggy. Thas normal and okay. Didn't expect ye to get so far during a spanking. My wee one, my sweet lovey. Ye didn't do anything wrong darlin. Can ye sit up and look at me lad? Get ye some water." 

Juan slowly pulled himself up. He couldn't bring his eyes to look at Fillips. He took the cup and drank it quickly. He didn't know what he felt worse about, cumming on Fillips lap, or crying about it afterwards. He felt guilty for making Daddy think he'd done something wrong. Despite the shame in his gut, he still felt floaty and blissful. He was trying desperately to keep his bad thoughts on silent. Fillip seemed genuinely more concerned about him than upset or angry at him. Fillips apology for leaving him was genuine. He'd made a mistake, and he seemed so upset at himself for it. Juan couldn't stand that.

"I-i don't know wh-why I got so upset, I'm sorry. You were perfect. You didn't know I was... wherever I was." He stuttered looking down at the couch. 

"Don't apologize lovey. Ye didn't do anythin wrong. Having emotions, even if ye don't understand then isn't wrong. I am supposed to help ye through em and I misread ye. Thas my fault. We will know what to look for in the future though." He looked at his watch quickly. They only had a few minutes left for an official tlunch before someone noticed they'd been gone. The shop was slow enough though, they wouldn't be missed. 

"Let's get ye cleaned up, bring ye back to earth and we can talk about yer experience alrigh." 

Juan nodded. He walked with Fillip to the shower and stopped. "Can I shower by myself? I just need to process my brain." 

Fillip smiled and handed him the towel. "I'll be right out here if ye need me."  
Fillip went to change his jeans, laughing about the stain he'd acquired. That had been an unexpected but pleasant surprise. As long as his lad felt good from the situation he thought this was something he could get on board with. As long as it didn't hinder Juan from personal growth of cause any issues. 

In the shower the feelings swimming around him settled. He was able to rationalize, Daddy, Fillip wasn't upset with him. As he thought back on it, he could feel Daddy's hard cock against him as well. He smiled at that thought. Everything was fine, he wasn't bad, or dirty or wrong. Daddy said so. He felt silly for crying so much, he couldn't help it. 

He'd never felt anything that overwhelming in his life. He did know he felt better. A lot of the anxiety he'd had earlier was gone. He just wanted to kiss Fillip and love him, he really wanted to make love to him. He knew that now wasn't the right time, he'd have to be patient for that. He felt absurdly happy, also like he wanted to hold on and never let go. Like nothing could touch him. He had no clue how to tell this to Fillip. He had no clue how to make any of these thoughts make sense. 

He cut off the shower and stepped out into the cool air of the bathroom. He only partly dried off before he checked out the color of his ass in the mirror. He smiled at it, this would be with him for a little while, he'd feel it after the color was gone. He dried his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist. 

"Fillip? Where'd ya go?" 

"In the living room lovey."

Juan made his way to the living room, feeling calm enough to at least attempt to explain his thoughts to Fillip. He was also starving, so he really hoped lunch was in the plan before they went back to TM.


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a long chapter full of awkward moments.  
> Juice and Chibs just want to leave the party.  
> Sorry for errors, I am terrible at proofing.

Jax's party had started and showed no signs of slowing down. Kegs were being emptied, liquor bottles were laying around. Several men from other charters were gathered around, the boxing ring they used so often was up and in use, bets placed. 

Jax was enjoying his moment in the light, his face radiated the fact. He was ready to be king. Girls were fawning over him and the Sons close in proximity to him per usual but now more desperately. 

Typically Juice would be right there with them, hands on some girl. Tonight though he wasn't feeling it. He wasn't drinking much, only a beer, his head was clear and rational. Not something he experienced often. The light stinging of his bottom had him feeling steady and relaxed.  
He was enjoying the fights with his brothers, his family. He tried to keep distance between himself and Chibs, keep things normal, but every once in a while he'd catch a glimpse of his smile. That smile and the lingering sting was making his pants tighter. 

He finished off his beer and walked away from the ring, making his way through the crowd. Chucky slid him another beer and he sat on a stool, wincing a little at the feeling. Tig and Venus were chatting casually next to him, he watched them in awe. Tig got to do what he wanted. Hadn't Chibs warned that right? Even if Juice hadn't. He didn't realize he was smiling until Tig slapped his arm.  
"Why're you smiling at me like a crazy person?" He asked with his eyes wide trying to look more intimidating. Juice curled in a little but snickered anyway. "Alexander don't talk to that sweet boy like that. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Plus it's a beautiful smile." She rubbed her delicate fingers under both their chins for a moment. Juice felt the heat in his neck and cheeks rising from Venus speaking to him.  
She had a fluid voice, he loved hearing her talk. Only she could make Tig appear somewhat normal, he was so different around her, even in front of his brothers. It was like if she was there, everyone else, rules, reputation, appearances no longer existed. Juice envied him, he wanted that. He was staring again, just nodding for no real reason, still smiling like an idiot.  
Tig huffed at him waving his hand in front of his eyes. "Hey! Earth to Juice! You take that shit again?"

Juice shook his head clearing his mind. "Wha-uh- no. No. I was just thinking. That's all." 

"Well you want to fucking tell me what the hell youre thinking that makes you all googly eyes at me?"

Juice moved his eyes now, focusing on Venus involuntarily. "I jus-i um. It's stupid, I'm sorry Tig."  
He couldn't even come up with a cocky come back, he was so in awe of their situation. He couldn't tell him why.

Venus rubbed her hand over his hair sweetly roughing it up. "I think our Juice here, might, just be evaluating the situation Tiger. If you know what I mean." She implied heavily that she maybe understood his enthralled gaze. 

Tig was still confused and annoyed per his usual demeanor. "Well look at something else. I don't like being watched, you're face is like a fucking doll face. Just blank and shit." 

Juice opened and closed his mouth trying to find something to say but he had nothing. Venus patted his arm. "He doesn't mean anything by it sweetheart."

Juice blushed again and turned back to his beer. He knew deep down Tig was just being himself and he probably shouldn't be offended. He rested his arms on the bar, with his back to it just sitting in his thoughts while watching everyone. 

He was quiet so watching everyone was easy, no one ever thought much of him sitting around. His eyes finally found Chibs again. Chibs stood next to a pool table with Happy, Bobby and a few guys from other charters. He was smiling like he did when he genuinely happy. The kind of smiled where his eyes crinkled and his scar line was more prominent. Juice loved that smile. His body felt wobbly and he got butterflies in his gut when he looked at him. 

No one had ever given him butterflies. No one. His thoughts drifted, to the pit of his desires. The way Chibs jeans fit on his body, the leather of his cut, it was getting to be too much. It had been weeks since Juice had been with another person, which was a huge difference in his typical almost nightly lay with some crow eater. His eyes were locked onto Chibs, the heat in his face rose with every impure thought he had. 

"Hey! Juice you alright man?" Jax was snapping in front of him trying to get his attention. "Yo brother! You're not taking those pills again are you?" 

Juice shook his thoughts away again, and smiled at Jax calmly. His nerves settled more when he realized how drunk Jax was. He was slurring his words and leaning on the bar like it was the only thing keeping him upright. "No man. I'm cool. I'm just really fucking tired tonight. My heads been hurting, probably from the run. I'm gonna head out soon I think. You having a good party? King Jax!" He teased trying to seem normal. 

Jax snickered and grinned at him. He slapped the bar for Chucky to bring him another round. "Yeah man, being king feels good for now. Not looking forward to the shit that comes with it. I've got big plans."

Juice looked curiously at him for a moment. "Elaborate. Plans?"  
"Yeah gotta get my shit together. I'll present at church tomorrow. Hope your head gets to feeling better. Those are the worst." He patted him on the shoulder and stumbled back over to the group of women. 

Juice made his way back through the crowd of people, glancing at his phone for the time, he realized it wasn't quite midnight. He made his way to Chibs and tapped him on the arm, having approached from behind he wanted his presence known. Chibs was a good hit, especially if he was surprised and intoxicated.

"Aye!!! Juicey Boy! Wassup with ye lad? Haven't seen ye all night!" He three an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into the circle of men he'd been talking too. 

"Just been watching the fights and sitting at the bar." He smiled and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Bout to head out. Figured I'm come let you guys know. Jax is pretty lit, someone might want to be in charge of the King tonight." He quipped playfully.

"Wheres Ope? That's usually his job." Bobby mumbled looking around.  
"I got it." Happy spoke very matter of fact, monotone even. 

"Ye good to get home lad?" Chibs looked him over discretely. 

"Yeah I'll be fine. Only drank one beer. My heads bothering me. I'll see you guys tomorrow at church!" He wiggled his way out of Chibs grip and turned to leave the party. 

Once outside he breathed in the crispness of the cool night air. It felt good in his lungs, against his face. He mounted his bike and pulled out his phone. 

Juice: Sooo I don't have a headache. If you want to come over.  
He pressed send on the phone, letting the message go to Chibs.

Chibs opened his phone, and his eyes lit up as he read the message.  
Chibs: oh. I see. Be there soon.

Juice shook his head and laughed out loud at the text before pocketing his phone and leaving the lot. 

Chibs stood around a little longer, talking long enough for Juice to have made it home. His leaving would be less suspicious this way.  
"Well fellas, this old man is turning in. See ya at church. Keep an eye on Jackie Boy!" 

He made his rounds saying his goodbyes. He could tell by the look in Tigs face he wasn't leaving as quickly as he hoped. 

"Chibs man... we gotta talk." He sounded almost excited.  
"Go ahead." Chibs crosses his arms in front of his chest. 

"I don't think here is the best place. Meet Venus and I in the back."

They took their time going to a dorm to talk. Trying not to draw too much attention to the three of them. Tig slammed the door behind them and his eyes lit up like a child's receiving a gift.  
"Oh my gosh! Mother fucker! I didn't see it at first, Hell I told Venus she was fucking crazy." 

Venus nodded but motioned for the man to calm down as she sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Look sugar. I don't care who your fawning over, but I won't have you being stupid. My Tiger says you needed some guidance on a particular subject. I'm able to help you. First though, I need to know something." Her voice was just as pleasant as usual. She was the most ladylike woman in the entire building at the moment. Chibs secretly wished more of them would aspire to be more like Venus. She was a class act and he admired her for it. 

"What do ye need to know? What has this lump told ye?" 

Tig was about burst, he was trying to fight at smile and failed. "Chibs. When you asked me about the stuff, I didn't think at first you were even serious. Then I couldn't wrap my head around who this fella could be. It hit me like a ton of bricks tonight"

"What hit ye Tig? I'm about to hit ye if ye don't tell me what this is about." He was getting a little annoyed, he wanted to go. 

"Well it seems you've found yourself wanting to walk in a new pasture. But you're not so sure how to harvest the hay over there. That field you've got your eye on, might be a little more umm... Juicey than the fields you've been plowing?"

Tig now was in a fit of giggles he couldn't control. He was laughing like a mad man. 

"Why are ye talking in riddles? Just say what ye need to say." Chibs now was getting pissed off. He didn't want to play games, or be given some sort of impromptu sex lesson via a threesome he didn't ask for. 

"It's Juice isn't it? This man whose got you all turned inside out!" 

Chibs felt the heat rise, like he'd just been caught stealing a pie from an old lady's windowsill. 

"Aye. And?"

Tig pulled him into a hug a little too hard for comfort. "That boy is in love with you man. We can all tell. Has been probably since you took him on as a prospect. I just didn't think you noticed or succumb to that boys pheromones. How long man?"

Chibs was flabbergasted, how long had they suspected the lad liked him as more than a best friend.  
"A while. I just finally approached him about it a few weeks ago."

"Oh shit man! How is it? You haven't come to me for sex advice, I figured you'd changed your mind. He's a good fuck yeah? I knew he swung that way. He's too fucking pretty."

Chibs and Venus crosses their arms and glared at the man. 

"I haven't fucked em yet. I'd appreciate it if ye didn't talk about em like he's one of the crow eaters. I'm sure Venus here would like ye to shut up too."

"There ain't gonna be no sugar for you sugar, if you keep talking about how pretty Chibs man is." She agreed with Chibs. 

Tig looked appalled. "I don't want to fuck him. I want you to fuck him. I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm legitimately happy about this. Except for when it comes to the club. Man they are gonna find out. That boy went all googly eyed earlier."

Chibs sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "I'm gonna talk to Jax when the time is right. Till then ye don't say anything. Venus... ye too. Not even to the girls at Diosa."

They nodded in understanding.  
"Well I guess that's where you're off too tonight huh?" Tig asked.

"Yeah, that's where I'm off too."  
He finally opened the door to the dorm and walked out leaving Tig and Venus to occupy the space alone.

Chibs: on my way.  
He sent the message and forced his gaze down to avoid eye contact with anyone. He had to get out of the party before anyone else stopped him. He quickly made his way to his bike and sped off down the road towards Juices apartment.


	27. 27

Juice and Chibs were laying together on the couch when the loud knocking on the door starts. Juice groans and untangles himself. "I'm coming!" He shouts annoyed at the sound.  
It's Roosevelt, every couple days they take him in, piss test him. "Can I just do it here?"  
The sheriff shakes his head no. "Oh. Um. Alright just give me a second." He turns to grab his shoes. Chibs is just in his sweats when he walks into the kitchen curiously.  
"Aye? Wha's all this then?" Juice turned to see Chibs eyeing the sheriff down.  
"Chibs. It's okay. Just gotta take a piss test."  
"Oi, I'm bloody coming wit ye" he grabs his hoodie and pulls it over, slipping on his shoes.  
The two of them are not dressed to be seen with the Sons but going to the station was no cause for it.  
The ride to the station is uneventful, but just the same Juice is nervous. In the back seat of the police car eyes cannot see them. Juice slips his hand between them and rubs his pinky along Chibs hand. 

He goes in, does his business and slams the cup on the counter. "Here ya go, freshly brewed." 

He takes a seat next to Chibs in the waiting area. His knee bounces nervously and he chews his finger nails while they wait. Since Chibs is here with him, they don't press him much, however he knows he's gonna have questions. Test is clean, they have to let him go. 

Most of the walk home is silent, Chibs is turning over in his head what to say. He knows Juice is nervous but as far as he knows he has no reason to be.  
They round the corner to Juices street when he finally gets the courage to say something. "Lad. Whas goin on wit ye? I know they've been harassing ye. Is this wha has ye so inside out?" 

Juice shoves his hands into his pockets and nods. "Well lad, ye have to talk to me. I can't help ye if I don't know." 

Juice sighs deeply. He wants to tell Chibs everything, he knows he can't. Juan Carlos can tell Daddy anything, that's all Juice wants right now. 

They entered the house kicking off their shoes, trying to get back to the comfortable state they'd been in prior to their interruption. Chibs however intended on hitting the nail on the head here and getting it over with. He sat for a moment at a chair in the small kitchen, rubbing his hands over his face. Juan watched him with wide eyes for a second before clearing his throat.

Fillip looked up at him without moving his head. He could tell by the look on the boys face he thought he was upset with him. "Lad I'm not upset. I'm just confused. Why're they picking on ye so much? Is everything okay?"

Juan shook his head no. 

Mentally Chibs cringed and rolled his eyes at the non verbal answer. He tucked that feeling away though, as he'd begun to understand Juice, seemed to revert to Juan when he was nervous. Juan didn't talk much. He sighed and held his arms out for him to snuggle into.

"They been harassing ye for a long while now?"

Juan nodded. 

"They trying to get info from ye?"

Juan nodded. 

"Ye Tell em anything?  
Juan shook his head. Inside he was shaking and scared, if Fillip thought he'd turned rat they'd kill him. He didn't rat though. He knew the charges they were pending against him were bogus. 

"Ye need to tell me anything? Anything about it? I cannot help ye if I don't know lad." 

Juan wiggled up into Fillips lap and hid his face in the crook of his neck. He took a deep breath and looked at Fillip.

"Take yer time lad. I'm listening."  
Juan swallowed. He prayed Daddy believed him.  
"Roosevelt booked me that night a while back, cause he said I had a brick in the car. I didn't. Just some pot. The brick went missing at the warehouse and they are using it as leverage to make me talk. Say I took it. I haven't telled them anything though. They keep asking and asking and threatening to tell Jax or anyone what I've done. But I didn't!" 

"This what's had ye so extra jumpy lately?"  
Juan nodded and the tears escaped his eyes. 

"Aye lovey. Is gonna be alrigh. I believe ye. We are gonna have to talk to Jackie about it. But I'll be with ye. I'll help ye. Tell em what ye tol me. Okay?"

Juan nodded. He didn't want to take it to Jax. He trusted Fillip though and knew that whatever he thought was best, was probably best.

"Ye gonna be my lil Juan Carlos for a while?" 

Juan whimpered a little and nodded.

Fillip smiled at him. "No worry darlin. Been missing ye a lil bit. Let's get rid of this frown huh."  
He pulled Juan's lips into a smile, making himself laugh at the ridiculousness of it.  
Juan giggled. 

"Hop up lad. Let's go get back snuggly on the couch aye?" 

They lay on the couch, Fillip stretched over the length of it, Juan curled up in a ball, facing him. Fillips arm wrapped protectively around him, the other hand running his fingers over his scalp. 

"Ye know lad, I've been thinking. Bout maybe getting us out of here. Just thinking ye know."  
Juan tensed a little. The club was all he had, it's all he knew. Even if they did cause him grief.  
"Relax lad. I didn't mean today, just in general. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to just be free."

"It would be fun though daddy. To just be and not have to hide. I was more scared of what the sheriff would think about you being half dressed. What if he tries to use it against us?"

Chibs shuddered at the thought. It hadn't crossed his mind that anyone would spin his being there. Now they he looked back on it, it was odd. It was nine in the morning when the sheriff showed up. They were both in sweat pants obviously had been sleeping. What would he say? If anything he thought maybe he should talk to Tig. See what his thoughts were.

"Well Lad. We'd figure it out." He kissed the side of his head and squeezed him a little.

"Daddy?" 

"Yeah lad?" Chibs asked lazily, starting to doze a little. 

"I'm hungry."

Fillip chuckled to himself and nodded. He got them both in a sitting position and rubbed his eyes. "Guess it's a little late for brekki. What do ye have here for lunch?" 

"Um nothin you will probably like. Maybe a pizza?"

Fillip called in yet another pizza. While they waited for the pizza they got their shower and put on some normal clothes.  
Juan was feeling less small now that his nerves had calmed a bit. Wearing his heavy cut made him even less small.  
"Fillip if we did get out, you think we'd have to run?" 

Fillip closed the space between them and pressed his lips to others, wrapping him in a tight hug.  
"Don't know lad. I don't know."


	28. 28

Juice called his meeting with Jax, spilled it all out on the table. Chibs stood proudly by his side. Given the events Jax decided they should bring it to the table. Let the guys know what's up, see where they stand on the matter.  
"From here on out, I don't want Juice alone. If they take him in, someone goes with him. They're less likely to pry with more than one of you. Anything else?" Jax looked expectant. Juice took a deep breath and looked at Jax like he was going to cry. Chibs stiffened, preying the daft lad didn't out them right now. 

"What is it Juice? If there's anything else I need to know now. Your honesty is what we need in this club. I want to go legit. Keeping secrets won't help us do that and it isn't good for our relationships." 

"I don't want to be kicked out. I swear I didn't even know. I mean I knew but I didn't think about it. It hadn't even crossed my mind until they brought it up." He was rambling like he does when he's nervous, chewing his bottom lip, leg bouncing, picking at his fingers. Chibs crinkled his brow in confusion which unintentionally signaled to Jax he had no clue what the kid was on about. 

He placed his hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Whatever the lad had to say, he needed to say it. Consequences be damned. "Go ahead lad." Chibs urged him on. 

"They found my dad. Well like not the man who was around when I was a kid. Ya know? Cause like I didn't have a dad and shit. But the man who donated his DNA..."  
Jax held the bridge of his nose and Chibs tilted his head both completely lost now.  
"Okay? You need to go meet the guy? We need to kill the guy? What's up? Just tell me." Jax was obviously frustrated with the rambling.

"No. I mean I doubt it. I don't even know his name. I didn't look when they showed me the file. They could even be lying. I know it's in the bylaws though." He took a deep breath and just blurted it out. "He's black." 

His eyes held wide with fear, he didn't move, he didn't breathe waiting for a response.  
Chibs let out the breath he didn't know he was holding and burst into laughter, Jax rocking with laughter as well.  
Juice looked offended and felt confused. "Why is that funny?"

"Juice. Juice you dork! That's an outdated law. They wouldn't know that. Sure we've never patched an actual black guy, but dude... Happy ain't the whitest guy in the club. You're not white like the rest of us. Chibs isn't American. What matters is your loyalty. Our loyalty. We're brothers through and through. Your fucking genetics aren't going to change that. Let them think they have something on you. We can actually use that." 

Chibs eyes were watering from the laughter, he pulled him into a hug. "Oh ye daft fuck. Ye had me worried." 

They went out into the clubhouse amongst the common chaos. 

Bullets came whizzing through the walls, out of no where there was dozens of them popping around them. Everyone hit the ground, trying to avoid being hit. Bullets were flying, it sounded like bombs going off inside the closed in space. The door came open with a boom, and SWAT agents crowded the doorway. No one moved. 

The men walked over the bodies laying on the floor, none bleeding. They each selected a man and pulled them to their feet. Miles, Jax, Chibs, Bobby, Kip and a few of the girls they thought would give them information. 

Juice felt the relief of not being taken and the sudden panic of being left. His heart sank and he felt the beginnings of a panic attack growing. He watched as they hauled Chibs to his feet. His eyes stung, he knew whatever they were doing it was a big deal. They'd be doing time, can't be avoided with they bring in SWAT. His body began shaking and he reached out blindly for Chibs arm. He felt nothing, then remembering the man was standing above him, helpless to comfort him. Chibs struggles against the men holding him for a moment, before his legs were kicked out from under him, bringing him to his knees in front of Juice. Their eyes met as they cuffed his arms behind his back.  "I love ye." He mouthed silently. His voice sounded more panicked than he meant it too, trying to be as calm as possible so as not to upset Juice any more than the day already had. "It's alright lad. Breathe Juan. Breathe." 

Juice whispered to himself. "Okay daddy." 

The commotion of the men trying to pull Chibs unwilling body away from Juices sprawled out one got everyone's attention. Most specifically Tig's attention, and in the moments everything seemed to go in slow motion as he put the pieces to the puzzle together. The strang conversations with Chibs, the "lad" that he was swooning over. The tears in Juices eyes right now as his body shook in fear he didn't want anyone to see.  
In a blur they were out the door, seemingly as fast as they came in. 

When the door slammed closed Tig was the first one up. Eyeing everyone for injuries. His eyes finally fixing on Juice. The kid always annoyed him, but right now he had an urge to protect him for Chibs. He needed Juice to be at optimum value while the guys were inside.  To do that, Juice was going to need to feel like everything was in fact okay. Tig thought to himself "dial back the weird and keep these men together." From what he'd gathered while chatting with Chibs, he needed routine. This was obviously not a routine. Somehow he'd figure out how to at least become friends with the kid, while Chibs was inside. 

"Hey Juice. Man come on, come to the back with me." Tig coaxed him to his feet. The other guys were slowly moving as well, mostly ignoring what anyone else was doing, checking themselves for bullet holes.

He shoved him into a dorm, rougher than he'd meant too. Juices eyes widened in fear as he braved for a blow to his body. " Calm down Juice. Everything is alright. That fucking sucked I know. None of us liked it. It's over though okay." He was trying to help regulate the others breathing. "Breathe. In and out okay. For what it's worth Chibs is going to be alright. Everything is going to be fine." He pulled Juice into him awkwardly and tried to hug him in a reassuring manner. 

Juice seemed to calm a little though he was shook up pretty bad. He'd be alone tonight, for the first time in months pretty much since they'd started all this. He held himself together and figured they'd call a meeting to figure where to go from here. 

Gemma already had the lawyer coming by, and she went to the station to check on the guys. From the information she'd gathered and relayed back to Tig to break at church, it wasn't looking good. Tig ended up letting Gemma inside, told her it'd be easier for her to tell the boys. 

She came into the room and everyone went silent. Women behind the doors, was not something that happened. But today it was necessary. 

 

"I'll be quick. This is what I've learned about the boys in lock up. They are being booked on felonious drug charges. Even though no one here was holding they claim to have enough evidence to put them away for minimum five years. However the lawyer says she can probably get a plea deal for a year, out early for good behavior. Under the condition that they ditch club colors during probation, pee clean, and take up jobs that are of service to the community. Since no one was actively holding it's considered a form of entrapment or something or other. Now we just gotta find jobs they can hold for a year." 

"When will know if they accept the plea?" Juice asked trying to seek calm. 

"Not sure sweetheart. Hopefully soon." 

Gemma seemed apologetic almost as she left the chapel. 

"Juice, Jax had told me earlier, only briefly as you all cleared Chapel. He didn't get a chance to finish obviously. He doesn't want you left alone because of the Feds?" 

Juice started to shake again as he rehashed the story to his brothers. They agreed someone would keep an eye out so he didn't get pulled alone. Again Tig tried to calm him, tried to keep a soft demeanor, while also maintaining his "I'm currently in charge face." 

"But why didn't they take me now? I don't understand." He added.

"Well I don't know. But they didn't, and you're more helpful here than in there. I'll stay with you tonight, case they come by in the morning. We will figure out shifts until we figure out what they want from you. Everyone let's meet back here for chapel about 10. See what info we can get them." 

When Juice got back to his apartment he started putting away any telling items that would suggest Chibs had been more comfortable than a house guest. This was not what he'd had in mind when Jax suggested he not be left alone. He just wanted to think about Fillip. He wanted to fall asleep dreaming of Daddy. He needed to be held, loved, spanked even. He really hoped Tig didn't get weird while he was staying the night.


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice is having a very hard time. He makes a mistake and now Tig is worried about him.

The days and weeks go by slowly at first, the next thing Juice knows is it's been a month. The guys were being transferred from county to Stockton today. They'd been given the plea deal of one year, which was good news in the grand scheme of things. 

Juice sat at the bar in the clubhouse downing tequila like it was water. His depression had gone into hyper drive. The fact that he literally wasn't left alone because of the sheriff ordeal, he'd come to believe was the only reason he was still alive. He spends more time here than at home since Chibs has been gone. 

"Hey Sunshine." Jessie spoke trying to sound cheerful. Juice looked at her unamused and waved her off. 

"Juice. You look like you need a friend. A real friend." 

He turned too quickly on his stool and almost fell off of it. Jessie reached out and grabbed his arm helping him steady. 

"I don't wanna fuck darlin. Really, you can entertain someone else." He slurred out.

For a half of a second she was offended and then she shook it off. He was drunk, obviously upset at something, and he didn't want in her pants. She considered that last part a win. 

"Look sweetheart. I'm not here for that kind of party. I'm giving you a pass because you're obviously too drunk to see. I've got an old man, or whatever y'all call them. He's not in the MC."

Juice nodded at her apologetically and laid his head on the bar. She slipped the bottle from his hand and slid it down to Chucky. "Come on you big lump. Let's get you to bed huh?"  
She helped him up and walked him to the dorms.  
"Any of these yours specifically?"  
He pointed at one of the rooms, before stumbling into the door.

Stumbling over to the bed he let himself fall into it. For a moment he was silent and she'd thought he'd passed out.  
"Imsorry" He slurred into the pillow. "Didn't mean to be rude before." 

She laughed at him quietly and then sat on the bed next to him. "Why don't you get some sleep and I'll check on you tomorrow? I meant what I said about you looking like you need a friend." 

He nodded into the pillow, falling asleep. 

She sat with him for a while, just watching him sleep. She'd known Juice for several years now but in that time she'd never really gotten to know him. She knew he was usually smiling and seemed upbeat, he was also more timid than the others. Out of all of them he's the only one that had never made a pass of any kind at her. She started coming around the club with Lyla, they'd been best friends since grade school. Lyla went after the patch Jessie went after a soldier. Despite their differences, and Jessie’s desperation she still ended up at the club when her soldier was deployed. 

He was different from the other Sons, she felt safe around him. She left a note for him on the bathroom mirror and stepped out of the room. 

The sun was way too bright, Juice felt like shit and wished Chibs would come wake him instead of the banging in the halls. The tears started back when he had opened his eyes and he couldn’t control them. His stomach started turning he tried to quickly stumble into the bathroom. He dropped to his knees just in time in front of the toilet emptying the liquid fire that he’d drank the night before. Gasping he dropped his head onto the seat and just lay there for a bit waiting to catch his breath. Tears made it harder to see, his heart felt broken and he felt like he was going to die. 

He slowly stood and gripped the sink hard, his head was still spinning, he was still drunk from the night before. He rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found his pills, he took more than he should have but he needed to be numb. He wished he were in his own house, though he also figured it was best here. At least someone would find him if he fucked up. He sank back down to the floor and curled into a ball waiting for the darkness to blanket him. 

The Percocet and the Xanax took effect quickly, his arms and legs went heavy and his eyes couldn’t stay open. He couldn’t even panic but he knew he’d really fucked up. He didn’t even know how many of each he’d taken, just that he poured them into his hand and swallowed. 

“If you want to talk call me! 976-387-9182 Jessie” Was written in lipstick on the mirror. Juice could barely read it, but he pulled his burner out and dialed the number. 

“This is Jessie.” She answered cheerfully.

“Fucked up.” He mumbled incoherently.

“Who is this? Juice?”

“Mmmhm” 

“Are you okay? You sound awful.” She sounded scared.

“Too many”

“Too many what honey? What?”

“Mmmm hel” his words cut off he was slipping away. 

“Juice!” She shouted into the phone receiving no answer. She didn’t know him well enough to know if he was just drunk or if he’d do something stupid. She could tell in his voice he’d been crying and his behavior last night made it obvious something was bothering him. She decided to hang up the phone and call Tig. 

Tig ran down the corridor of the club to the room Juice occupied and busted through the door. His body lay limp on the floor breathing shallow. 

“What have you done Juice! Shit!” He rubbed his hands over his face and then called Tara. 

She brought some things she’d need to pump his stomach there. For once Tig was glad no one else was around. He didn’t want to try to explain this. 

“From what’s in the cabinet he’s taken Percocet or Xanax if not both. I wish we could know how many. Geez” she got set up, Tig cradling his head. 

“Chibs is gonna fucking kill me. I was supposed to be watching the idiot. He was so drunk. Tara, you don’t think he did this on purpose do you?”

She sighed deeply and looked at the situation.  
“The fact that their are pills in the bottle says no. I think he just took too many. If it was on purpose he wouldn’t have called for help.” 

She finished administering the charcoal and waited for him to respond. His heart beat was strong but his breathing was not. “He’s gonna have to go to the hospital. I can chart an injury, forge some documents so the others won’t know. Help me get him to my car?” 

Tig lifted his body that was much lighter than he’d expected, carried him through the clubhouse and out to the car in the TM lot.


	30. 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tig gives an important revelation.

Juice wakes up in the hospital and at first he's confused. Then the throbbing of his head and the dryness in his mouth reminds him of what he’d done. He slowly moves his eyes around the room find the only other person in the space. Tig. He mentally groaned, he just knew this would be bad.  
He thought about pretending to be asleep still but he’d already been noticed. 

“Juice.” Tig sighed out in relief. “I should beat the hell out of you. I’m not going too of course. I think you’ve done a pretty good number on yourself.”  
He walked over to the bed and patted him on the cheek gently.

“I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear Tig.” His voice was hoarse and scratchy. 

“Want some water?” Juice nodded. “We didn’t think you did. You left too many pills in the bottle for that.”

Juice drank the water Tig gave him and tried to keep their eyes from making contact. 

“I’m glad you called someone, but you know you could have called me. I don’t want you to think that you’re by yourself just because Chibs is inside.”

Juice looked at him with confusion but nodded anyway. 

“I know you two are close, you always call him when you’re in trouble and that’s fine. But, we’re brothers man, I’ve got your back also. Also just so you know, Jessie isn’t interested in anyone in the club.” 

Juice grinned at his statement. “I know. I called her because I only had my burner and I couldn’t remember anyone’s number. Hers was on the mirror.” He swallowed, and took a deep breath raising his hand for Tig not to interrupt him. “I know you’ve got my back Tig, really, since all this happened you’ve been more helpful than you could know.”

“Just doing my job kid.” He sat back in the chair. “I told Chibs I’d keep an eye on you. He was so worried, you haven’t been by to see any of the guys. I really think that now they’ve been transferred you need to get up there.”

Juice sighed. “I know. I’m just not good at that kind of stuff.”

Tig rubbed his hands over his face again and started to speak with Tara walked in. 

“Hey Juice. How’re you feeling?” 

“M-fine.” 

“Great. Well then, I’m going to get you discharged and I’ll see you tonight for a follow up.” She nodded awkwardly and turned to leave. 

Tig understood what she wasn’t saying. There was no documentation of his being there and they were in a room secretly. He stood and grabbed the few items he’d laid about and put Juices clothes on the bed. A few moments later Tara came back in.

“I’ve got you two IV bags in here, as well as the supppies for them. You’ll need to have these tonight and tomorrow. Put your cut in this bag on top of them. I’ll meet you at your apartment?.” Tig nodded, Juice looked surprised but started moving. 

They made it back to Juices apartment without being noticed surprisingly much to Tigs relief. He, Juice and Tara were the only ones who knew about the incident and he wanted to keep it that way. 

He got Juice settled on the couch and plopped himself down beside him.  
“Juice. I need to tell you something.”

Juice looked worried, he tried to sound calm.  
“What’s up?”

“I know Juice. I know about you and Chibs.”

Now Juice couldnt believe what he was hearing. His eyes were wide and he felt the color draining from his face. 

“Wh-What do you mean?”

“He told me. Well kind of. I just figured it out when you started to loose it when he was arrested. We’d had some interesting conversations, he uh. He never said who, just sorta poked around at the idea that he might be interested in a younger fella.” 

Juice felt like he was going to faint again. He was scared, he didn’t want to be having this conversation. 

“Don’t be so scared. I’m not going to say anything till y’all are ready. I just want you to know, I’m here for you any way I can be. I understand you’re hurting Juice.” 

“T-thanks. I think. Does he know you know?”

Tig nodded. “I told him I’d figured it out when I visited last. He asked me to keep an eye on you. I don’t know everything. Based on the things he asked me, I understand y’all are a little kinky huh?” He tried to tease, make Juice feel better. All he did was blush and curl into himself. 

“N-no. We haven’t done anything. Just talked about it.” 

“Hey man, I was just teasing you. It’s okay. Look, they get visitors on Thursday’s. Come this time okay?” Juice nodded. 

“Why don’t you go get a shower before Tara gets here. I’m not allowed to leave you alone so, get used to my company.” 

Juice nodded and stood up. He wanted to see Chibs more than anything. He really hoped they could have a private meeting. He’d buy the room if he had too. He knew there was no way he’d hold it together any other way. 

Tonight he was going to write him a letter. Sure it was cliche but he felt like it would make Chibs happy. He was going to be really upset when he learned about his incident, he needed all the good points he could get.


	31. 31

Fillip,  
I don't know what to write so I'm just going to write whatever. I'm sorry I didn't come see you in county.   
I hope you're doing alright there. Tig says we can visit on Thursday's so I'm going to come when I can. You can call me you know. Anyway I'll see you soon.   
Love you,  
Juan

He kept it short and vague. He didn't want someone opening it and learning things they weren't meant to know. He stamped the letter and figured he wait till morning to put it out in the box. 

He woke up sore, and nauseated. He figured feeling like death was his punishment for almost dying. He slowly went through his morning routine and tried not think about Chibs or the snoring sound coming from his living room. Tig was asleep, and Juice said a small prayer of thanks that he had kept his pants on. Walking into a room with a naked Tig was not on his agenda for the day. 

He stepped out into the morning sun, it felt good on his face. He smiled as he put the letter in the box and hoped Chibs would get it soon. On his walk back to his apartment, Jessie ran up to him.

"Hey, I didnt think I was going to catch up to you." She panted out of breath. 

"Hey, What brings you here? Out of the way yeah?" Slinging an arm over her shoulder, like Chibs would do, he tried to sound casual. His voice gave him away that was a little excited that she had come to see him. 

"Yeah out of the way, but I figured you could use some company besides Tig." She smiled and held up a bag. "I brought movies and snacks." She grinned big. 

Juice crammed his hands into his pockets and nodded, leading her to his apartment. 

Tig was passed out on his couch still, with empty beer bottles surrounding him. Juice sighed and apologized to Jessie. She didn't seem phased by it, and just plopped herself down right on Tigs gut. 

"Oooff" he groaned as the air was knocked from his lungs. He was startled at first, unsure of who was sitting on him. His eyes finally focused and he saw Jessie and Juice grinning at him like Cheshire cats. 

"What the fuck is... at least you're a pretty lady. I'll give you a pass." He patted her leg, motioning for her to stand. "Get off me. My bladder is going to pop." 

Jessie giggled and stood, helping Tig up in the process. He walked quickly down the hall towards the bathroom making the others laugh.

"So uh. You have breakfast? I can make something."

He looked shy, he was awkward for sure. "I ate already Juice. If you're hungry make something. I'm sure you need to eat."

He moved around the kitchen making himself and Tig some eggs and toast. He brought his plate into the living room and sat beside Jessie. "So, whatcha wanna watch first?" He asked with a mouth full of toast.

She was smiling but her eyes faded a little. She turned to look at him. "I want to know what happened. I mean you don't know me, and I get it if you don't want to tell me. But... you have to talk to someone."

Juice frowned and looked at his plate, pushing his eggs around mindlessly. He shrugged his shoulders.

"You know. When my David was deployed I was super depressed. I still get sad sometimes, because anything could happen to him. I am constantly terrified I'll be going to pick up his flag. Ya know? When I talk to him, I feel better for a little while but the pain always comes back. I don't know what you're dealing with, but I could use a friend also." He smiled sadly at him. Inside she hoped if she shared with him maybe he would open up a little.

"I'm sorry. My- uh- my person, had to go back to Queens. Emergency, don't know for how long. Just sucks. I didn't mean to... ya know. I really didn't."

Tig came trudging back up the hallway with still dripping wet hair. "Hey asshole, your friend here gonna stick around awhile? Ive got to run some errands today if I can. I can get someone else to come till I get back if I need too." He patted Juice on the shoulder and pulled his shirt over his head. 

"I'll be fine. Swear it." He took another bite of his eggs. "Oh. I made you some breakfast. It's probably cold now though. I'm sure you used all my hot water."

Tig put his hands under his chin and fluttered his lashes at him. "Awe. You're gonna be a great old lady!" He laughed when Juice shot him his mean look. 

Juice turned back to Jessie and rolled his eyes. 

"Hey if that Sheriff or someone other than club or Unser should come by, you call me immediately. You hear?" 

Juice nodded. "Geez Dad! I won't answer the door for strangers, I won't put anything I shouldn't in my mouth, my baby sitter will call you if I am naughty." His voice sounded playful, Tig rubbed his hand over his hawk and then sat to tie his boots. 

"Yeah well. You better be a good boy, I might bring you back a surprise." He winked at him. "Jessie you sure you don't mind watching the little turd?" 

She was laughing hysterically shaking her head no. 

"Are you going to see Venus?" Juice asked curiously. Tig nodded, shoveling the cold eggs into his mouth.

"After I run to the store yes. You care if she comes over later? She wants to see you." 

Juice agreed it was fine and Tig left. He quickly ran around the apartment trying to straighten up all the things that were driving him crazy. Jessie just watched in amazement until he sat down beside her again. "Sorry, it was bugging me. Movie?"

They put on a movie but ended up talking the entire time. Juice liked her, she was nice and seemed genuine. In some ways her caring nature reminded him of Fillip. She had a certain worry in her eyes that was familiar. 

"So your old man won't care you're hanging out... alone... with a Son?" He just sort of blurted it out, but he needed to know what kind of trouble he might be in. 

"Gosh no. Well not you. He trusts my judgement. I wouldn't be here if I felt like it was wrong."

Juice nodded and smiled. They got comfortable on the couch, with snacks she had brought with her.   
At some point that afternoon they had both dozed off and it was getting dark when the door opened. 

Jessie startled and sat up, she relaxed when she saw Tig. "Hey Juice. Wake up." She shook him a little. He sighed and sat up, rubbing his neck.   
Tig was smiling at him creepily like he does and Juice threw a pillow at him.   
"Hi Venus. How are you today?" He asked politely before standing and offering her his seat. 

"Such a gentleman. Thank you Juan. Alexander darlin, you didn't tell me he had company." She extended her dainty hand to Jessie and shook.   
"I'm Venus honey, and you are?" 

Jessie smiles but was taken a bit off guard by her. Venus paid her hesitation no mind, and gave her her best southern charm.   
"Jessie. It's nice to meet you."

"This is the one that put a leash on Tig. The world thanks you." Juice teased, Tig blushed a little.   
"Well now, I haven't put a leash on him yet. Maybe later." She crosses her legs and placed her hands clasped around her knee.  
"So Juan honey. Are you okay? Alexander told me what happened. I've just been so worried about you."

He looked at her bashfully through his lashes and nodded. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just fucked up is all."

"Well we wont be having any more of those accidents will we?" 

He shook his head no. 

"Good. My old heart can't take that kind of scare. You know Fillip would absolutely die if something happened to you, especially while he's gone."

Jessie looked over at them briefly, noting what Venus had just said. Juices cheeks had a slight flush to them. She decided not to mention it too soon, she didn't want to assume wrong and run him off. 

"I know. I'm going to see the guys on Thursday. I figure I should probably not tell him what happened yet. He gets worried about everyone ya know?" He tried to make it sound more normal, he wasn't sure if he was succeeding. He saw from the corner of his eye, Tig made a "no" gesture at Venus and she nodded in understanding. 

Juice cringed inside. Of course Venus knew, if Tig knew. He wished it didn't have to be a secret, things would be so much easier. 

"What are y'all planning for dinner? Alexander and I were going to pick up some Chinese food. Want him to bring you something back?" 

"Please? I'll give you my debit card." He went to stand.   
"Honey please. We will get it for you. My Tiggy has to sleep here again, I can at least feed you, he will have left overs too. It's a win win. What about you miss?"

Jessie took a second to realize she was being spoken too. "Oh um no thank you. I'll head out in a little while. It's getting late. I have a long drive back to Lodi." 

Venus nodded. 

"Well did you behave sweetheart?" Tig asked singsongy like. 

"Perfect angel!" Jessie answered with a laugh. "I'm going to use your bathroom." 

"I'd probably be fine if you want to go home with Venus. I mean I'm not going anywhere or anything."

"No can do buddy. Promised. Also I want to be here if the sheriff shows up again." Tig leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. 

"Okay well Tiggy, you ready? My tummy is rumbly."   
She stood and motioned for Juice to stand as well. She squeezed him tightly in a hug.   
"You just hang on baby. Fillip will be back before you know it." She whispered into his ear, before kissing his cheek. Tig patted him on the shoulder and gave him an understanding smile. 

"Oh damn did I miss them?" Jessie asked coming back up the hall hearing the door close. 

"Yeah just left." 

"I like her. She calls Tig Alexander. Juan huh? Can I call you Juan?" 

He dead panned her for a second before smiling. "No. She doesn't get to call me anything. Venus just does what she wants and we just accept it." 

"I see. Alright, well you be alright by yourself?" 

He rolled his eyes. 

"Great! Well you have my number. Call me, text me. Whatever. I'll be back this way this weekend." 

They hugged for a long while before she left. 

Juice found himself sitting alone on his couch. He couldn't keep his mind off of Chibs when he was alone. He wondered what he was doing right now. Was he thinking about him as much as Juan? He pulled himself from the couch before he got himself too sad and decided to take a shower. Thursday was just two days away. He could make it.


	32. 32

"Juice!" Tig huffed out getting annoyed. "Please sit the fuck down!" He had been watching Juice pace, fidget and scurry around the apartment since before the sun came up. Something was off with him, he just couldn't figure out what. He knew his anxiety was probably running wild, as well as his excitement but he didn't know what to do with...this. Juice in regular situations is hyper active, chatty and just high strung but this was different. 

Juice looked at Tig with his big eyes and chewed on his nails. "Sorry Tig. Just... when can we go? I'm ready now." He began shifting his weight from one leg to the other. 

Tig groaned and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Soon Juice. Soon. You're acting like a child waiting for a gift. You’re making me nervous." 

"I can't help it. I'm just excited and you're the only person that knows why." 

"Yay me." Tig mumbled in annoyance. He laid his head back on the couch and tried to tune Juices pacing out.

Juice wasn't feeling very much like...Juice. He'd woken up at 5:30 that morning and he couldn't shake the feeling he had. The fact that he did feel small-ish made him nervous. It was finally Thursday and he felt like a child waiting for presents as Tig had said. He knew what this feeling was now, thanks to Daddy, but he also knew it wasn't appropriate. He didn’t want to do something stupid,he just kept telling himself he had to be regular. He was trying so hard to stay big, regular Juice. However little Juan Carlos was running around like a crazy person and he couldn't control it. 

It started as soon as he’d woken up. He ran to the couch Tig was on, waking him as well. Despite Tig being incredibly annoyed by being woken up, he found something about Juice to be sweet. He'd never seen the guy so happy in the time he'd known him, he'd also never seen him as sad as he was when Chibs got locked up. 

"Did you eat your breakfast? We're eating a late lunch and I know how you get when you're hungry."

"Yeah I ate it..." Juan Carlos paused and turned to look at Tig from where he was standing across the room. "You think maybe..." he rubbed the toe of his shoe on the carpet and played with his fingers. "Can we take the van? I don't think I should ride." He was worried about holding himself together as it were, this time, riding wasn’t going to clear his head. He’d surely panic being on his bike right now. 

"Yeah we can do that. You gonna talk the whole way?" 

"Nu-uh. I'll bring my iPod." Finally he sat on the couch beside Tig. 

Tig didn't move, he just knew today Juice would follow him. He actually wondered if he'd popped something earlier. Then he remembered how he thought he was high at the club that time, and he wasn't. He settled on just accepting that Juice was... well Juice. 

Finally the alarm in Tigs phone went off. 10:30AM. They could load up, leave and not get to Stockton too early. 

Juices eyes got big and his smile grew even bigger, if that was even possible. He bounced in his spot on the couch. “Does that mean we get to go?” 

Tig just nodded. “We gotta go get the van, you gonna ride bitch or take your bike to TM?”

Juice just looked around confused. “I mean I can take my bike there. I’m just too amped up right now to ride for long.” 

Tig nodded at him again. They grabbed their keys and walked out of Juices apartment.   
The ride to TM wasn’t bad. Juice felt good behind his handle bars, the vibration of the bike grounding him. He actually felt a little more “normal” when they pulled into the lot. 

He walked over to the van and waited for Tig to come out with the keys. He knew he’d said he wouldn’t talk the whole way but he had a lot of thoughts running through his mind.


	33. 33

Stockton was sterile and disgusting at the same time. Juice wasn't sure how they managed to pull that off but they did. Everything felt dirty despite its shiny clean disguise. Last time he was here he'd been shanked in the kidney and thought he wasn't going to make it. He'd been pimped out to someone for protection, thankfully he was rescued in time. He'd been stuck with Clay in a cell. He hated thinking about that. He'd never talked about that. Sure jokes were made here and there but no one knew for sure what had really happened. 

Tig and Juice went through the intrusive visitor intake. Juice hated this part but he knew it was worth it to get to see Chibs. He couldn't wait to see him, he felt like he'd waited a year already.

He'd  been permitted regular visitation, so no glass would be between them, he could hug him, hell he could kiss him if he was brave enough. He wasn't brave enough but he wanted kisses so much. 

The doors buzzed around the big room and every time an inmate entered that wasn't Chibs his heart sank a little. Tig had let him come back alone for this part, he was going to meet with the other guys. Jax would be through glass, he figured starting there would be best. Give them all some privacy. 

Juices knee bounced up and down anxiously, his nails were chewed bloody. Finally he heard that familiar brogue from the hallway as Chibs chatted casually with the guard that walked him down.   
Juice couldn't hide his smile, his face beamed with excitement, his body shook with it. Chibs walked into the room and his eyes made a quick survey. 

"Juicy Boy!" He blurted out a little too lousy making heads turn and the guard clear his throat. 

Juice used all the restraint he had to not run into his arms, he didn't think Chibs was ever going to make it across the short distance separating them. 

Chibs arms outstretched waiting for Juice to curl into him. He did, Juice melted to his touch, breathing in his scent deeply. He smelled different, like laundry detergent and weird shampoo but he smelled the same also. He couldn't help but snuggle his face into the crook of the mans neck, discreetly kissing him behind his ear. "I miss you so much Fillip." He whispered before breaking the hug.

"I miss you love." He pushed them apart and looked him over. "Let me get a good look at you. You behaving?" 

Juice nodded and smiled.   
"Thas a good lad. Let's sit." Juice sat in one of the chairs at the small table, kicking one out gently for Fillip. He didn't know what to say, he just kept staring at Fillip as if he thought he'd vanish. 

"I got yer letter. It came pretty fast. Ye can write whatever ye wan to, ain't no body gonna read it. Well ye know the guards or whatever will, so jus be careful ye know wha I'm saying lad?" 

"Kay. How are you doing in here?" Juice asked quietly. 

Fillip smiled at him and clapped his hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine Juicy. Not my first rodeo lad. I'd be better if I was home with ye. How are ye holding up?"

Juice looked at his hands, his fingers picking at his nails. "M'fine. Tigs been staying at my place. He's been oddly nice to me but it's fine. He knows bout us." He looked shyly up at Fillip, his big eyes looked worried. 

"Aye." He nodded. "He prolly figured tha one out easy. Good he's stayin wit ye. Any more trouble from that sheriff?"

Juice shook his head no. They eventually got lost in small talk for a while, catching up on the time that had gone by. Juice told him about Jessie and how they're absolutely just friends. 

"Lad. If it were more than that, it'd be fine ye know. I'm in here, yer out there. I don't wan ye to stop living." 

Juice looked horrified at him. "Don't wanna be with someone else. I can just wait for you. I'll be fine."

Chibs shook his own head in disbelief, placing his hand over Juices on the table. "How did I get so lucky to get ye lad?" 

"Do you think you'll get the whole year? Like what are the odds you can come home sooner?" Juice blurted out not meaning to even ask. 

"Well, the lawyer said there a chance we can get out after six months. Depends on a few various things. We will see alrigh lad. Don worry bout me okay." 

Tigs voice was booming down the hall, Juice cringed because that meant it was about time to go. He didn't want to go. It seemed like he'd just got there,an hour anywhere else would have drug by. Like it did while he was waiting to get here. 

"What if I got locked up so I could come be with you here?" He tried to sound playful but Chibs didn't laugh. His face got serious and his eyes bore into Juices soul. 

"Lad, ye stay out there for me okay? That plan would never work, don risk it. Ye just be a good lad and I'll be home 'for ye know it." They stood and this time Juice threw his arms around the other man. He didn't care who was watching, the wall he had built wouldn't hold any more. His eyes filled with tears, he clinched onto Chibs inmate scrub top. 

Chibs held him tightly, kissing the top of his head, he rubbed his back soothingly. Tig approached slowly, he locked eyes with Chibs, his own heart breaking at the scene. 

"Daddy, I-i don't w-want go. P-please. (Sniffles)" His voice became more incoherent and raw from the tears. "I'llbegoodIpromise. Please! Daddy. C-ca-can't make it outtheremyself. I can't." His voice was low, muffled in Daddy's shirt. Fillip felt his heart breaking, he didn't expect this, he wished it was easier for them. He shushed him, and tried to sooth him as best he could. 

"Juan." He whispered. Despite Tig being close enough to hear the exchange he decided now wasn't the time to be concerned with club appearances. "Juan Carlos, I love ye lad. I love ye so much. Yer gonna be fine. Yer stronger than ye think, and yer gonna get on just fine. Ye can come see me every Thursday. Tig is gonna be with ye lad, ye won be alone. Jus try an calm down for me lad. They're gonna come get me soon, I don't wanna see ye crying when I walk away. Okay." He looked at Tig with almost pleading eyes. Tig nodded understanding the message left unspoken. 

This stays between them. Don't bring it up less Juice does. Take care of the lad. 

"Ye smile for me Juan Carlos. Show me tha big bright smile." Juan Carlos smiled as best he could, his red eyes looking desperate. 

"There ye go lovey. Hey ye know what?"  
Juan shrugged.  
"Ye can think of all the things ye want to do, all the fun dirty things ye want to try and write them to me. No body gon read it but me. That'd pass the time huh." 

Juan giggled a little now his cheeks flushing red.   
The guards entered the room, letting them know visitation was over. Chibs pulled Juice and Tig in for one more hug. 

"Keep the boat floating till we get home Tig." Tig nodded and they all reluctantly separated.   
Tig placed his hand on Juices shoulder, smiling at Chibs he started to lead them out of the room. 

He'd of course have to talk to one of them about what was going here. Why had Juice called him Daddy, why did Chibs call him Juan Carlos? Tig shook the thoughts from his head. He didn't care, he'd done his share of kinky things over the years. He could help take care of Juice while Fillip was inside. Whatever exactly that meant. His mind drifted over this morning, how Juice had acted. He thought fleetingly, about telling Venus she was an auntie to their new little boy. Despite the situation, she'd be excited to have someone else to take care of. She seemed to thrive on keeping Tig out of trouble as it were. 

The ride home was quiet, Juice just stared out the window. While Tig had wanted him to be quiet this was too quiet. He didn't think his heart could hurt this much for another person but it was shattered right now. Juice hopped out of the van when they got to TM and immediately mounted his bike. Tig tried to wave him down, get him to come inside for bit. He didn't want to talk to anyone he just wanted to go home and get into bed. He revved his engine and took off.


	34. 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs reflects on the past after seeing Juice.

Chibs made his way back to his cell his heart aching. Seeing his love like that had made him feel worthless being locked up. Further reinforcing that he needed out of this life. 

He went into the small cell and lay on his hard bunk. He felt a stab of jealousy towards Tig, the man was known for being weird and not always "nice." He knew Juicy loved him, but he couldn't help feeling like the lad would drift to Tig over the year. He had to push the thoughts from his mind and try to be grateful that someone was at least caring enough to keep an eye on him. 

Anger at himself took the place of the jealousy as he thought of the things he was shorting Juice on. He just got him to open up, to be vulnerable, to start exploring his little side. In the end of it all Chibs didn't care if he decided he wasn't as into being little as he thought, or if he really loved it, he just wanted to be the safety net to someone who'd never had it. He'd promised to be that for him and here he was. In this stupid fucking prison cell, doing the exact opposite while another man steps up.

Sighing he covered his face with his pillow and let himself think back on times he'd spent with Juice before this all started. 

* Fiona calls and tells him she doesn't think they will work like this even though Jimmy is gone. Kerrianne wants to come spend the summer but Fiona won't be joining her. "I will always love you Fillip, but I've got to learn how to be me again." He'd been devastated, having spent so long believing they'd be together one day again. It wasn't even the loss of love he was upset about. They hadn't been in love for years, it was the loss of family. The complete loss this brought. He'd sat at the bar that night drowning himself in scotch content in his misery. The music was too loud, the girls were annoying him and he didn't want to be there. He grunted trying to stand and stumbled over onto the ground cursing in Gaelic. Juice, still a prospect at the time, had been either daft and brave or put up to the task of taking care of Chibs. He gently took the bottle from his hands and helped stand. He ignored the fight Chibs tried to put up. He held on tighter, making it a point to let Chibs know they were leaving despite his efforts to protest. It was a slow dragging walk to the van but Juice has loaded him in and drove him home. He didn't ask questions, he just smiled almost apologetically as if it were he that done something wrong. 

Chibs laughed into his pillow at that thought. The daft lad always thought everything was his fault. 

He'd slowly dropped him onto the couch and removed his boots. Grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and offered it to Chibs. "No lad. It's boiling in err. Ye wan bring me a bucket?" He slurred out but Juice got the jist of  it bringing the trash can over beside the couch. He wet a wash cloth and blotted his neck and forehead with it as Chibs emptied the liquor from his gut. Juice had just accepted the situation, no explanation needed. He wanted so badly to prove his worth that he was willing to put up with Chibs. 

Again Chibs huffed out a half laugh, now knowing the kid just wanted Chibs to know he was there for him. Essentially no matter what. 

Chibs had rolled his limp heavy body into a weird ball, half on the couch half off. His head rested against Juices leg and he cried. This was the first time he'd shown vulnerability to a prospect, and it just had to be one he was sponsoring. In the moment he hated himself for being weak, but Juice never said a rude word. Just rubbed his hair and whispered affirmations to him about how things would be okay. "Nothing could be so bad you cant make it through. You have the Sons, you have me. I don't know what you're dealing with, but you can always come to me. No sense in trying to drown Chibs." He'd sounded so confident Chibs believed him. 

Rolling onto his side, he was stuck inside his memory. He thought about how those words Juice had spoken to him had come back, regurgitated from his own mouth to the lad. He'd leaned on Juice many times, needed him to be strong for him so he could break. Knowing what he knew now it almost seemed cruel. 

There was shuffling in the room, he cracked his eyes open a little pushing the pillow up to see. Jax sauntered into the cell and plopped onto Chibs bed. 

"You alright old man." 

Chibs grunted. 

"Who came to visit you? Hear you ain't been right since." 

Chibs internally rolled his eyes. He didn't know the visit was done on the down low. 

"Juice is all. They made em split up. Jus  hate bein in here, and I gotta headache." 

"Well, I got good news from Lowen. Some of us might be paroled early, some of us not. She didn't specify who, think we get to choose. That'd be great yeah? Get out in a few months instead of a year? Figured me and the prospect could stay, he can earn his place and I can serve for my men." 

Chibs looked up at him now in shock. "When's this go down?"

Jax sighed. "It has to go through the court but she should have some information about a hearing soon. You staying here or going to the cafeteria for dinner?" 

He thought for a minute, he wasn't hungry, he just wanted to mope and miss Juan. He sat up on his bunk and stretched. "What time is it?" 

Jax shrugged, there wasn't a clock any where near by. He grabbed his smokes and pocketed them. "Well I'm going out to the yard with the guys. Don't be long, we don't travel alone Chibs." He gave him a pointed look. Chibs nodded, getting the message. 

The group made their way to the yard, Chibs dragging along with them. He played the role of "alright" well enough but Jax knew something was up. 

"We have a meeting with AB and the Chinese in the yard. It'll be quick, checking on deliveries. Don't separate." Jax spoke low so only his group could hear. Chibs sighed to himself, this shit was getting old and today he didn't give a single fuck about deliveries, the AB or the Chinese. He didn't give a shit about the club, because of the "club" he was in here. His anger was creeping back into him. He loved the guys, he hated the club.


	35. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up with Juice when he left TM after his visit at Stockton.

Juan drove and drove, focusing on the white and yellow lines speeding past in front of him. It was late and he was starting to second guess his unplanned idea, as he was trying to remember the turns he needed to take. He hadn't told anyone where he was going, his phone was dead, he just knew Tig would be losing his mind. He'd have to call him when he settled, come up with some story about being in Lodi with Jessie. His mind felt clearer as he drove on, the vibrations of the bike grounded him, his thoughts stopped spinning so much into derailment. He just needed to get to the house, their secret space, he'd feel better if he made it there. 

Finally after four hours of unplanned riding he turned down a street that looked familiar, Promised Land restaurant was on his left, he knew he was close. His body was vibrating on its on from the distance when he pulled into the driveway finally.   
Dismounting his bike he stretched, trying to get his land legs working again. 

“Shit” he mumbled to himself realizing he didn't have a key. He'd have to break into the place, which was not high on his list of things to do. He took a moment to think, surely he'd have a spare somewhere. He walked through the gate and into the back yard, hoping he didn't look too suspicious to anyone else lurking around. 

In the corner of the patio was a plant in a bucket, a bit obvious Juice thought but it was worth a shot. He lifted the pot slightly and was disappointed when there was no key. He let the plant fall carelessly back into place, some soil falling onto the patio, he then noticed something shimmer in the flood light.

“Hallelujah!” He whisper exclaimed to himself as he picked the key up. He made his way inside and out to the garage so he could hide his bike. His phone was plugged up on the counter and he was ready to settle himself. 

He started the water in the bath, and stripped off his clothes. He ran downstairs as fast as he could to check his phone, sure enough he had messages from Tig and Jessie. There went that plan, he figured he'd call her first. He pressed send as he went back into the bathroom. 

"Hey Jessie. What's up?" He tried to sound casual slipping into the water.

"Hey.  I was just calling to check on you. I came by TM but you left in a hurry."

Juice sighed, the warmth of the bath engulfing him. "Yeah. Just wanted to be alone for a bit."

"That's cool. You didn't go to your apartment, I went by there on my way home just to check. Are you avoiding me?"

He sloshed the water as he sat up quickly, Jessie giggled. "Gosh no! I just knew Tig would go to my apartment so I didn't go there. Where are you now anyway?" 

"Are you in the bath? You could've just said so, you can call me later. I'm at home now. Told Tig I'd try to call ya, when we got to your place and you weren't there." 

"I can talk now, I'm not doing nothing bad. Just soaking makes me feel better. Is Tig pissed? I was gonna tell him I was at your place." 

"No one said it was bad ya know. Do what you do. He's not pissed so much as he is worried. Of course he won't say that. But the way he kept running his hands through his hair, and looking around as if you were just gonna pop out somewhere says he is worried. He must've said "okay" five hundred times in ten minutes. He went to check Chibs, some reason he thought you'd go there." She hinted to him that she was figuring him out via clues, with the lilt in her voice. 

Juice chuckled quietly. "Yeah I thought about it but it would be too obvious. Can I tell him I'm with you? I just don't want to say where I am. I'm totally safe though." 

"No reason I should be worried about you?" She asked quietly. 

"No Jessie and I told you I didn't mean to do that. I'm not even drinking right now. I'm literally in the bath. I'll send you a pic to prove it!" 

"Oh god! No dick picks Juice! I'm warning you, I will send one back." 

"How are you gonna send me a dick pic?" He asked playfully. 

"Don't worry about that. Just know I can and I will!" 

"Fine I won't! You win. So about Tig?"

She sighed, but hummed in agreement. "Yeah that's fine. I literally called you when I walked in the door so I can text him you were here waiting for me. If he gets weird Ill handle it. You call. I'm here for you for real Juice." 

"Thanks Jessie. I'll call you tomorrow. Think you'll come up to TM? We can come in together." 

"I might if I finish up here. I'll let you know okay. Have a good night in your bath!"

They hung up and he smiled for the first time since he'd seen Chibs face that day. He was really glad Jessie had approached him, he would have never spoken to her otherwise and thus missed out on what was turning into a real friendship. Of course there was still Tig to deal with. He was certain if Tig knew everything about he and Chibs he'd pull him over his knee and spank him for what he'd done today. He sorta also felt like Tig was the kind of guy to do that without that knowledge, but he'd never just do it. Tig seemed to have a better grasp on the world of kinks than he did and he was in this relationship.   
Sure Tig would beat the cold hell out of him as a brother if he felt it necessary but crossing the line on something intimate he wasn't going to do. Even if spanking someone didnt seem like an intimate thing to most people, he was sure it would be to Tig just as much as it would be to himself. Considering what Tig said about Chibs coming to him before for advice, and what he said about them being kinky, he was pretty sure he had to know something. 

He had a sly smile on his face, a menacing snicker leaving him. He had to shake the thoughts of Tig spanking him from his head.  
“Get yourself together Juan Carlos! Chibs has only been gone for a little while and here you are fantasizing about another man spanking you. A brother for crying out loud. Chibs would probably be pissed if he knew I was thinking naughty thoughts like that.”  
He sighed.   
“I wish Chibs was here with me though. My Fillip. My protector. My dominate. Daddy. Those big strong arms, wrapping around me.”  
Juice wrapped his own arms around himself sinking into the tub a little more. Getting lost in his thoughts again, with Chibs hands running over his body. Kisses being left on his neck, and chest. Fingernails digging in gently, making him gasp. He felt his cock getting hard, becoming more sensitive in the water. His hips rose involuntarily trying to meet his hand that rested on his hip. Denying himself, he bit his lip and whined from wanton lust. He ran his hand over his thigh, dipping between them, letting his finger tips ghost over his balls before digging his nails into the skin of his thigh and dragging them over.   
“Mmmmm Fillip, I need you so bad. Please?” He moaned out loud to himself. 

    * Come with me, Hail Mary  
Run quick see, what do we have here  
Now, do you want to ride or die  
La dadada, la la la la* 

His phone was blaring the ringtone from the side of the tub. He was snapped from his thoughts, his heart racing in panic, until he realized it was just the phone. He sighed, and made a mental note to change it to a regular ring, before answering as calmly as he could. 

"He-hello?"

"JUICE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!? IVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE I KNOW TO LOOK! THIS ISNT COOL, WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TRYING TO DO! ANSWER ME GODDAMMIT!" Tigs voice boomed through the speaker, Juice could hear him clearly even with the phone pulled away from his ear. 

"TIG! Calm down man. I'm fine. Didn't Jessie text you?" He tried to laugh it off.

"Yeah! She did, she said you were about to call me. That was fifteen fucking minutes ago. Here I am thinking you're dead in a ditch somewhere or high as a kite on Sunday. I just c-"

"Tig." Juice cut him off. "I'm fine, I came out to Lodi. I just wanted to ride. I needed to process. I should have told you and I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I'll be back in the morning okay?"

Tig sighed knowing there was nothing he could do right now. "Fine. I'm at your apartment, I'm fucking staying now. I'll see you at TM. You better fucking be there asshole, I will beat your ass into the the ground if you're not."

"I'll be there I promise. Next time I'll tell you okay."  
Tig hung up on him. Jessie had been right he sounded more worried and then relieved and then mad, but more worried than mad at least.    
     
“Well that killed that mood. Dammit.” He looked down at his now flaccid cock and sighed. Not wanting to even try to get it back up, he just pulled the stopper and restarted the water.

He intended to get a relaxing soak out of this giant tub before going to bed. He had to be at TM early tomorrow so his plans were being cut a little short this time. Just being in this house had made him feel better. Being surrounded by Chibs, a part of him know one else got to see made him feel safe. 

Once the water had gotten cold again he stood from the tub and toweled off before searching for his pajamas he'd just gotten. He couldn't remember what drawer anything was in.   
Finally he found them and slipped them on.   
“Gonna sleep in our secret bed. Gonna snuggy Mr. Froggy. Gonna dream of Fillip.”   
He sang as he skipped happily down the hall to collect the things he wanted to take to the bed with him. It was only ten PM, he figured he had plenty of time to get cozy and watch a movie in bed. Tonight was his night to just be lazy, or little, or both, he just wanted to freely think of Fillip while he did it. 

He wanted to write him another letter, let him know he was okay, but that could wait till morning.


	36. 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice begins to understand himself a little better while he’s alone.

Juan flopped around in bed trying to get comfortable, looking for something to watch. The house was quiet, the fact that he was alone started closing in on him. He grunted in frustration, he was bored and that wasn't supposed to happen. He'd came here for solace, but instead the voices inside him kept telling him he was an idiot.

"Fuck it" he murmured to himself getting off the bed. "Daddy says I can do what I want here. Here is safe. I can practice being myself. None of those fuckers are here to judge me." He spoke in a condescending tone to his frog. "You don't care. You're just a stuffed frog. You know what Daddy would say right now?" He looked at his stuffed friend with big playful eyes. Finding it much easier to just slip into his smallness if he had a friend do it with him. Even if said friend was stuffed and brightly colored.   
"Yer jus resless lad. Why don ye go-in get yer toys and try playin for a bit. Bet tha''ll make ye feeel be'er." Juan exaggerated the accent as best he could to try and sound like Fillip. He made himself giggle.   
Then he gasped, with surprised eyes. "Froggy! Daddy does not talk funny! He speaks beautiful!" He humphed as he briskly made his way to the den. 

He looked over the few toys he had and decided to just collect them all into his arms and carry them back to the bed. He then ran back and gathered all of the couch cushions, weird decorative pillows, and blankets he could find. He looked proudly at his pile in the bedroom floor.   
"Shhh frog! Not a mess, makin a fort!"  
He stacked the cushions around on the bed, then added the bed pillows for stability. He used the weird pillows for the entrance and then draped blankets all over the top of it. His toys were safely surrounded with in his new kingdom, frog perched atop it all protectively looking over the lands. He crawled into his makeshift door, and then from the inside made adjustments to let in light and air.   
In all of his biological years this was by far the best most elaborate pillow fort he'd ever managed and he was proud of it.   
"Is my castle! I am the Prince, Daddy is the King. Cept the King is away at battle right now, so we have to hold down the fort. Frog you are my guard. Like those ones in England that can't move. ‘Cept of course you don’t have a silly hat. Bet Daddy would get us one! Maybe even a reeeal one! Maybe he will take us there one day. That would be so great! I only been once to Ireland, but it wasn’t no fun. I wanna go with Daddy and see where he camed from with fun. No loud guns, baby snatchers, and scary priests. Daddy would never let us get snatched frog.”

He made himself comfortable and turned on cartoons giving up on a movie. He dumped out all his tiny blocks and started to build garages for his cars, homes for his figures. He wanted a village for his kingdom. He babbled on and on to frog about his creations, laughing about it all. For a brief moment his adult mind started to intrude, this time he wasn’t mean to himself. He realized for the first time in a month he was relaxed, calm, and genuinely happy. 

It felt almost like an out of body experience, he could see himself playing, without a care in the world. Fillip was right, being small could be what he needed to express. In various ways maybe, but as a coping mechanism it seemed to be helping. He tried to shake out his Juice brain and not over analyze himself, thus pulling himself from his moment.

“Frog? Are you sleepy? I heard you yawning.”  
He paused as if he were waiting for the stuffed animal to respond.   
“Well why don’t you come into the castle and cuddle me. I think we will be safe if you take a break for bedtime.”   
He pulled frog into the pillow fort and cuddled him, laying back on some of the pillows he’d arranged for his head. His own eyes felt heavy and wished Daddy were here to hold them.   
“Daddy will be home soon frog. You can fall asleep.” He whispered in a sleepy voice, eyes already closing.

 

When he woke up the sun was beaming into the room through the curtains he didn’t close. He heard his toys clanking around on the bed as he moved his stiff legs, stretching.   
His phone said eight AM, it would be noon before he made it to TM, but he felt so much better after getting such a good nights sleep. He yawned into the phone when Jessie answered. 

“Juice? You alright?”

“Yeah! Morning! Had to yawn I’m sorry.”

“Morning to you. So what’s the plan for the day?”

“Heading back to TM in a bit. You coming in with me?”

“Yeah that’s fine. How far out are you? I need to know when to leave.”

He thought for second, he didn’t want to give up his location.   
“Meet me at the diner in Lodi, we can go from there. I’ll be there in about 3 hours.” He over estimated, giving himself plenty of time to get dressed and ready to go. He also needed to clean up the mess Juan Carlos seemed to have made. 

“Frog you have to stay here. I’m sorry, we can’t risk you being seen.”  
He pouted at his friend, but sat him back on the bed.   
It took him almost an hour to get his mess cleaned up, but when he was finally satisfied with it, it was cleaner than it had been previously. 

The drive to the diner took him an hour and a half. He waited outside on his bike for Jessie to pull up. He decided chain smoking was his thing today as he lit smoke after smoke waiting for her. Finally he saw her car pull in.

“Juice! What sort of shit did you get into last night?” She hugged him. 

“None!” He huffed from her tight squeeze. 

“Let’s get some breakfast for the road?” He nodded in agreement. He hadn’t chose the diner by chance, he needed food. 

“I’m gonna call Tig real quick since we’re together now. He will be able to hear you and not accuse me of lying.” He wiggled his brows at her. 

The line rang three times before a very aggravated Tig answered. 

“What!?” His voice boomed. Juice called the burner phone, he should have known better.

“Tiggy?” His voice was small from being startled.

Tig sighed and softened on the line.   
“Juice? Where are you brother? You said you’d be here this morning. I was getting worried.”

“Jessie and I over slept, we stopped at the diner for breakfast. I’m sorry. We will be there in the next hour okay.” 

Tig made a noise that sounded like he agreed.   
“Are you mad?” His voice was small again. Jessie noticed but figured it was probably just because he was trying to be quiet.

“No buddy, um Juice. No I’m not mad. Irritated yes. You could have handled last night so much better but I’m not mad. Please hurry back okay?”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon. Coming to the garage.”  
Tig made another noise of agreement and then hung up.

 

When he and Jessie walked into the garage things were as normal as they could be at TM. No one other than Tig seemed to notice his arrival.   
He walked over to them smiling, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders.   
“So when we finish up here today I want to talk to you about last night okay? In the mean time, Jessie, make your self at home. This one has work to do.” He snorted at his own joke and pulled Juice with him into his bay.   
“You got a letter from Chibs. It was dropped off this morning. Don’t know why he sent it here of all places.”   
Juice smiled, he wanted to read his letter. He knew though that after his behavior last night, Tig would make him wait till they finished for the day to give it to him. He’d just have to wait.


	37. 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice and Tig have an important conversation but it goes way differently than Juice expected.

J (cross through) Sweet b (scribble over) Juice (line slashed through)  
Sweetheart,  
I hope you get this at a good time, cause I'm sending it to TM. I cant remember your full address right off and I might have tore open your letter. So I fucked up the return address. I know, I'm a dork as you would say.  
You'll have to ignore my grammar errors, I don't write much, and American is hard. Not everyone can be as smart as you though.  
Anyways none of that is even important. I miss you lad. I lay here at night and think about you. When I'm not being harrassed by Jax anyway. He's not a terrible cell mate but you would have been better.  
Shit, it would be better to be out there with you.  
I can't wait to see you again. I hope this next time goes better. I don't want you to cry. My old heart can't take it.  
I have a plan for the future. We probably need to talk about it, not on paper so someone doesn't see it and throw a fit.  
You know, your the first person, since Fi that I've felt so strongly about. I'll do anything to make you happy.  
That being said, I know Tig has primarily been looking after you since the whole thing with Roosevelt and then me getting locked up. Let Tig take care of you, do not feel bad for letting him help. I've asked him personally to be the one that's there for you. I trust him with my life, therefore I trust him with you. I love our brothers, but Tig will keep after you almost as good as me. I say almost on purpose. (Draws smiley face)  
I love you so much. There are so many things I want to say, but I'm afraid to write them here. I look forward to Thursday. Be good.  
Forever,  
D

Juan folded the letter, smiling ear to ear. Tig looked at him with a raised brow.  
"Well that's a face I would pay to see. Good letter then?"  
Jessie kicked her leg gently at his shin. "Your special someone wrote you a letter from Queens. How sweet and old school. What's it say?" She teased, making him blush.  
"Just that I'm missed is all." He sneered playfully.  
Juan placed the letter on his kitchen table and walked into the living room, the others following.  
"Fine don't share the details with me. I'll remember that!" She stuck out her tongue making them all laugh. "I need to get going. Skyping with David in a few hours. So excited!" She clapped her hands happily.  
"You don't get to talk to him much huh?" Juan asked sadly.  
"No. They schedule times to use the computers on base. If I miss him it would be a while before I'd be able to try again. I miss him so much. Talking makes it better and worse every time. I can't wait for this tour to be over." She wiped a tear from her cheek before clearing her throat. "Sorry bout that. I'll see you guys soon. Coming back down next week I think."  
They pulled her into a long hug, before seeing her out. 

"You hungry Tig? I'm starving. I can cook but I don't think you'll like it. I only have health food."  
Tig grunted, propping his feet on Juices pristine coffee table.  
"Just make whatever. I'll order something. Don't burn your apartment down." He gruffed. He was grumpy, Juice knew he was upset with him, and cooking was a great distraction. He thought over the words in the letter. "Let Tig take care of you, do not feel bad for letting him help. I've asked him personally to be the one that's there for you. I trust him with my life, therefore I trust him with you."  
How did Tig feel about this? Obviously he agreed, he'd been sleeping on his couch since Chibs got locked up.  
"Juice." Tig walked into the kitchen to find a puzzled looking Juice. He was obviously thinking hard about something, he didn't even acknowledge Tig.  
"Juice." Tig spoke louder not wanting to startle him. 

"Huh?" He turned his head to see Tig lean against his counter, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"We need to talk about last night. I need to know what happened." 

Juice looked down shamefully, he hadn't meant to upset Tig. He hadn't even considered the other man really until much later. Part of him felt like he'd be relieved to be free of his obligation for a night, but part of him knew he'd be upset. 

"I'm sorry Tig. I just needed to get away." His voice was soft and he wouldn't look up. He turned around to stir his vegetables a little more. 

"I know you think I'm asshole most of the time. And that partly right, I am. I haven't always been the nicest to you, but you've grown on me. Chibs loves you. Granted it is in a different way than the rest of us, we all love you. You're a brother. Besides that you've grown on me as a friend Juice. I do give a fuck. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." He watched Juice, he was just stirring and stirring the vegetables with no obvious technique. His ears were red, a usual sign he was probably going to cry.  
"I started all this coming to check in business because I'd told Chibs I would. I was doing a favor for a friend. However, Juice. Can you please look at me?"  
Juice turned slowly to look at the other man, he kept his eyes cast down.  
"Last night, well yesterday, seeing you so broken at the jail broke my heart, I wanted to do whatever I needed to, to comfort you. Whatever he would do to make you feel better. I know I'm not Chibs, I don't want to be, but I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to help you. Not because of a promise I'd made to Chibs, but because I genuinely gave a shit. Last night when you left I felt so helpless, worried, angry, useless. I didn't know where you'd gone, I didn't know if you were okay. I was so worried you'd be crashed in a ditch somewhere. What would I do if that happened? What would I tell Chibs? I feel a responsibility to you, it's one I've accepted but also embraced.  I just want you to let me help you. You need someone to lean on and I'm here for you."

Juice blinked at the man in disbelief. "Wow that's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Did it hurt?" 

"Asshole." Tig scoffed. "I feel awkward enough as it is. You could be nice to me!" He teased, shoving Juice gently.

"I don't know what to say man. I mean I'm glad you care. I really am sorry. I will try not to do that again. I really do appreciate you taking the time to hang out with me." 

"So when are you going to tell Jessie? You know, that your person isn't in Queens and he's in prison?" 

Juice shrugged and poured his stir fry onto a plate. 

"Dude, you know she already knows right? She's not dumb. She at least knows he's a He. Apparently you slipped up during one of your conversations. She's been hounding me about it ever sense. I just keep playing dumb." 

Juices eyes went wide and the color left his face.  
"Dude breathe. Jessie is cool. She won't say anything. She's been around the club a long time, if anything she would be a good person to tell. It's good you have a friend that's not a Son."

"I don't think Chibs wants me to tell people though. He's not ready for that."

"Well that's his problem. If you tell her so you have another shoulder to lean on, I think he won't mind. Especially her." 

"What all do you know about us Tig? I mean some of what he said in the letter just... I don't know." He blew his food and then shoved the fork into his mouth. 

Tig thought for minute, what did he know, and what did he assume?  
"Well I know y'all are dating. I know it's gotten pretty serious seemingly fast. However for the amount of time y'all have been friends I guess it's not too fast. I know you haven't had sex yet. And... I think I know something I'm not supposed too."

Juice blushed and made a concerned face, chewing his lip instead of his food. He wouldn't look at Tig again. "What do you know?" He mumbled.

"I heard you call him daddy. Twice. What I don't know, is if that's just a kinky thing y'all got going or if you're small sometimes. I mean I'd put money on a brat, you're totally a brat. Especially after last night, I'd believe that. But I know people use the term as endearment, as well as for their dominants. It could mean anything. I mean I don't know. Sometimes you just put off a certain vibe. More so recently, but I also just started paying more attention to you. I'm not going to tell anyone. Whatever y'all do if it works for you guys that's great. I mean who the fuck am I go judge?"

"Tig you're rambling. Breathe dude." Juice sounded calm but inside he was freaking out. 

Tig took a deep breath. "I mean I'm just saying I don't mind. And if you need anything specific from me to help you it's okay. I mean I'm trying to replace Chibs or anything and I don't want you to be uncomfortable or whatever. I just wanted you to know that I know and it's fine. I'm rambling again."

Juice laughed now, he couldn't help it. "I don't think I've ever seen you like this. It's cute. Don't start flirting with me man. I'm happily in love and I'm scared of Venus."

"Venus maybe also knows. I've been forcing her to stay away. She's already a mother hen, but if let her near you knowing that you're whatever you are, she will never leave. She wants a baby so bad, and well if you're small, you'd be the next best thing."  
Tig was teasing mostly. 

"Do you want to know?"

"Yeah I do, if I can. I just want to be a good friend."

Juice felt nervous, his insides started to shake. The letter did say to let him help. But what if that's not what he meant. He would have to talk to Chibs before he let anyone do anything with him in little space or whatever Chibs called it. They've only had a little time together in general, if he let someone else be there during that, they'd know him better than Daddy and that just felt wrong. 

"Let me talk to Chibs and see what I'm allowed to disclose. Doesn't feel right talking about our relationship when he can't be here. It's only just started and he got taken away. Is that okay?"

Tig nodded. He wasn't going to force him to tell him anything but that didn't stop him from being curious. 

"You gonna hold up till Thursday?"  
Juice smiled and nodded. 

"I think this visit will be much better. Now I know what to expect you know? I'm counting down the days. He's celling with Jax, I hope he doesn't end up losing visits because of some inside club shit."

Tig stole some broccoli from his plate and shrugged. "Ugh come on man! Don't put your fingers in my food. There's some left in the pan, eat that!"

"Gonna for shower and meet my lady for dinner I think. You'll be fine till I get back?"

Juice nodded. It was six, if he had visitors of the police kind he'd just not answer the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get so frustrated that my formatting doesn’t cross over here. I always have to come back and make edits so it reads similarly to the way I’ve written it. I’m really sorry for any confusion it may cause. I use different fonts for different things sometimes to help make a point but it doesn’t show up here. This story is also in Wattpad with formatting if anyone is interested in reading it there. :) Thank you to everyone that is reading. I appreciate you following along with my nonsense and fun. Comments are welcome and helpful.


	38. 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed, and Chibs is having a hard time. Jax invades their privacy but had good intentions.

Lights out was an hour ago when the alarms started blaring. Some idiot somewhere in the prison had done something stupid, Chibs groaned and put his pillow over his head. Three months in this hell hole and Chibs couldn't take much more. The food was killing him, the club was killing him, Jax was killing him. He just wanted to be in his own bed curled up with Juice.

  
His last visit with Juice had been uncomfortable and he wasn't sure why. He wouldn't sit still, he didn't hug him like he typically would, he just slung his arm lazily around him and let go quickly. His conversation was short, they spent a lot of the hour just staring at one another.  Something was wrong with the lad, he wasn't writing as often either. His last letter had detailed his new friend Jessie, whom Chibs was familiar with. He talked a lot about Tig and the other guys. There were very few mentions of them, he hadn't even ended the letter with an I love you, which was not typical. A list of reasons went through his head, none of them were good. They ranged from him choosing Tig over him to depression. His baby boy wouldn't be his baby boy went he got out.

  
The alarm wouldn't stop blaring, his head was pounding and Jax was yelling at him to get up. He couldn't make his body move. He was tired, sick, depressed and still pissed off. He just wasn't to be left alone to wallow in his misery. The officer came into the cell and ripped the pillow from his face, Chibs grabbed it quickly and fought briefly for it before letting go, watching his letters scatter around the room. He roughly pulled Chibs too his feet, the room started to spin and then he vomited all over the front of the mans uniform.

  
Tears welled in his eyes, but he fought them back, he wouldn't give this man the satisfaction. Jax's eyes were bugging out and he didn't move. The officer grabbed Chibs roughly by the front of his tank top and pulled him from the cell.

  
"Clean this shit up!" He yelled in Jax's face as he pushed Chibs in front of him, towards the wall.

  
"Hands behind you. Taking you to the infirmary and then you'll spend a night in the hole. Maybe that will do you some good." His voice boomed, Chibs complied.

Praying to himself that Jax wouldn't read any of his letters. For the most part they were standard trying to be safe, there were a few with some slips in them, one was down right filthy.

Jax picked all the letters up and sat them on Chibs bed. He didn't want to be nosy, but he wanted to know what was going on with Chibs. He had been getting more and more irate and depressed, his commitment to the club was concerning Jax. He had a large pile of letters, he figured somewhere in them there would be some sort of answer.

The first few he read over didn't make any sense really. He could tell they were from Juice, he'd signed one of the letters with his name, and all the hand writing was the same. The letters were addressed to **D** however and Jax couldn't for the life of him figure out what that meant. He talked about the guys in the club, Tig was brought up often. He talked about missing him, missing everyone. Nothing really explained what was going on with Chibs.

 **Tig is watching out for me, so that's good. Not the same though. I miss you so much. Anything else from Lowen?**  
Jax tossed the letter onto the bed, and sighed picking up another one.

**Today Tig took me to the store to get some stuff. He said I couldn't go by myself cause I'd probably get into something. I got some stuff I think you'd approve of. I can't wait till you come home.**

That one was interesting. The letter as a whole was boring but Jax focuses on the store. Why was Tig spending so much time with him? He had asked him to keep an eye out because of Roosevelt but this was a bit much.

**I hope things are going well for you in there. I'm losing my mind I think. I just keep slipping and eventually Tig is going to notice. I need to talk to you I think about that. Jessie knows, she isn't going to turn us in or anything.**

  
What does Jessie know? Turn them in for what? Slipping where? Jax was confused and rubbed his eyes in frustration.

**I'm glad you are okay with everything we talked about last Thursday. It's been a lot easier for me. I still want you to come home though. Aunts and Uncles just aren't the same. I can't wait to see you again.**

  
Jax pondered for a minute on the things he could understand with in the letters. He missed Chibs, apparently a lot. More than the rest of them for sure. He had only sent an occasional letter the everyone else and they consisted of coded updates. He knew the two were close but now he was wondering how close.

**When you get home, I'm going to give you the best blowjob you've ever had. I know we weren't there yet and that's fine. It's still okay to think about it. I haven't fooled around with anyone, the girls keep trying but I keep dodging them. Jess has helped a lot with that really. That and Tig scares people away sometimes but I'm glad cause I get nervous. I know you said it was fine but it just doesn't feel right. Anyway... my cock gets hard when I think about you touching me. I want you so bad in the worst ways.**

  
Jax bit his fist on that one and just stopped reading. He didn't see that coming, though it made sense. Technically the letter said they hadn't yet, but from the I love you's and the I miss you's in the letters so far he knew it was happening. They were in love, as odd as it may be and some how Tig had a part in it.

**D,  
Im sad. I miss you and it hurts. I don't know what to do.  
J **

  
That letter was way short in comparison. The tone of it was sad and Jax was concerned. Chibs must have been concerned given the other letters and then this one. There was still a stack he hadn't read through but he'd invaded their privacy enough.

  
He folded the letters neatly and placed them back into Chibs pillow case. Chibs was depressed, there was nothing else to say about it. Sure they all were, they all missed someone. Jax had never seen the man this tore up over someone since he and Fiona finalized their divorce. They'd have to talk about it and the way it would affect the club but he for now didn't see the harm in it.

  
Chibs wouldn't be back for a day, tomorrow he had visitation he'd be denied. Jax figures he'd go in his place and talk to Juice and Tig together. Let them know about Chibs and lightly discuss the letters. He could already see the panick in Juices eyes when he walked into the room tomorrow. He chuckled to himself about it.

  
Sighing he climbed back onto his bunk. Being president was much more interesting than he'd expected.


	39. 39

Jax saw Juices face drop as soon as he'd entered the room. Juice looked like he was going to faint, or cry, Jax wasn't sure which, Tig had a surprised expression, but remained true to form, unwavering. Jax casually strode up to them, smiling, arms open for a hug. When they let go, Jax took his seat followed by the others.  
"Chibs couldn't be here." He apologized. "Misunderstanding with the blues, he's in the hole till tomorrow. I wanted to speak to you guys though." He raised his eye brows at Juice.

Juice fidgeted in his seat, not liking the look on Jax's face, this is not what he expected for the day. He had so many things this time he wanted to talk about. He felt his chest tighten, he could hear his heart beat in his ears. He wasn't focused on anyone or anything except that Fillip was mad at him. His last visit had been so awkward he didn't want to see him anymore. Juice hadn't meant to be that way, he just felt sad, he hated leaving Fillip there and he couldn't think of anything to say. He didn't want to cry and he would if he had said too much. Daddy told him not to cry. He tried to be strong and tough. Even though when they got in the van that afternoon he had cried so much Tig eventually pulled over so he could comfort him.  
"Okay boss what's up?" Tig asked casually, while also keeping an eye on Juice. Trying to gage what the man was focused on, if he was focused at all. He saw the fear in Juices posture, he was stiff even though he was trying to look relaxed in front of Jax.

Jax cleared his throat. "Well, I uh- I know about you and Chibs." He kept his eyes on Juice. The color left his face, his mouth opened as if he were going to say something but Jax wasn't finished.  
"I don't care about whatever you have going on. Im going to talk with him. I will care if it affects club business. That all aside, I'm concerned about Chibs." He finished bluntly trying not to sound like an asshole.  
Juices mind flooded with panic, thinking about the times Chibs had mentioned leaving. Even his own conversation with Jax about his commitment to the club played through his head like a movie on fast forward. Before he could stop it words were falling out of his mouth.  
"He's committed to the club Jax. You don't have to worry about him." He picked as his thumb nail absently while keeping eye contact with Jax. Tig rubbed his hand over his shoulder blades soothingly.  
"I'm not worried about his commitment. He's depressed, I haven't seen him like this since Fiona. How long has this been going on?”  
Juice sighed, he wasn’t even sure. Did this time count? Were they still a thing? His head was spinning and he wanted to leave. He shrugged looking at Jax with a serious expression.  
“Long enough to be serious regardless. Anyway, Lowen mentioned a deal, some of us might get out early. I'm going to put Chibs up to be released. I think you could both use that. The club needs a VP out there, and having us both in here isn’t good.”

Juices eyes were wide with fear, he felt tears stinging and hoped they wouldn't fall.  
"You need to get out Jax. You're the president."  
Juices words were not as confident as he wanted them to sound but he heard Tig hum in agreement with him.  
"I am the president, I make that call Juice.” His voice was firm but empathetic. “I will be fine in here. I won't be by myself, I’ve got connections. Not everyone is getting out early. Lowen said six months with time served the judge may let some of us go. Just for the guys booked with lesser charges, I took most of the charges anyway because I'm president. I'm not getting out before the year. The club needs to carry on, don’t worry about me. I'm curious to know, how are you holding up?"

"Huh?" Juice was confused, this entire day had him all thrown off. Tig nudged him trying to get him to focus. The behavior he was displaying now, Tig had been seeing here and there more often. He just didn’t seem right, Tig was worried for his mental state.  
"You, how are you holding up?" Jax asks again, more serious this time.

Juice put his hands in front of him and swallowed. He felt himself sweating, his nerves were out of wack. "I'm uh-I'm fine. Clubs managing, ya know."

Jax raised a brow and sighed in disbelief. "Tig?"

Tig cleared his throat and then sat beside Juice. "He's a mess man, but he's managing. I've been looking out for him, keeping him busy. Clubs keeping him together. Haven’t seen Roosevelt in a while but I think him being with us all the time is helping.”

Jax nodded, looked at the clock and sighed again, rubbing his face. “So I'll let Chibs know you came by. Keep writing him, I think it's the only thing keeping him sane. I’ll have him call you, keep your personal mobile close. We'll see you guys soon." Jax stood and nodded again before he turned to leave.

Juice finally breathed for what was probably the first time since he'd gotten there. “Tig.” He whispered, with big eyes. “He can call us? Why hasn’t he been calling?”

Tig patted his shoulder. “Let’s go put money on his books man. He probably hasn’t set anything up, you know how he is.”

“You think he will call? What if calling makes him sadder? I don’t want hi...”

“Shhhhh... we can talk in the van alright. You’re doing that thing again.”

Juice sighed and tried to get himself together. “Guess I should tell you the truth at some point?”

Tig gave him a sympathetic smile. “You don’t have to kid, I already figured it out. I’m gonna have Venus come over this evening. We’ll go back to mine if that’s alright, I’m need stuff for your house. We can talk or whatever then.” Juice nodded, Tig held his shoulder giving him a side hug before leading him into the corridor. “Come on kid, let’s go give your Daddy some money to call you.” He whispered playfully in Juices ear, chuckling at the flush of skin, reaching his ears.


	40. 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tig and Venus have an important conversation. They briefly meet Juan Carlos and wonderful things happen.

"That would be great if he gets to come home Alexander. That boy in there can't take much more. Not with all the nonsense the club is going through also. I don't know how he's keeping it together. I fall apart a little every time you walk out the door." Venus spoke in her beautiful southern dialect.

She and Tig were cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, letting Juice have some time to himself in the guest room.He brushed his thumb over her chin before letting his lips meet hers.

"Don't fall apart, you're what holds me together."

  
She swatted his arm playfully before turning back to the dishes. "Such a romantic Alexander. Have you checked in on him?"

  
Tig shook his head no.

  
"Well why not? He's been very quiet for over an hour and that's not like him. Alexander I told you not to bring that poor boy into your home if you weren't going to properly care for him." Her hands were on her hips as she spoke.

  
"I am taking care of him. I'm giving him some space in a new place. Why don't you check on him? He might prefer it."

He reached to take the cloth from her to continue dishes.

Juice looked up at the soft knocking on the door.

  
"Can I come in?" 

  
"Yeah." He spoke softly, wiping tears from his eyes.

  
"Sugar why are you crying? You can tell me, won't tell a soul I swear."

  
He smiled a little, letting her pull his body against hers as she sank to the floor beside him.

  
"Not even Tig?" He asked softly.

  
"Not even Tig. Less you want me too." She petted his hair, soothing him.

  
"I just miss him so much. I appreciate everything you and Tig are doing for me, cause you really don't have too. I just really want him to come home."

  
She kissed the crown of his head.

  
"I know sugar. Whatever you need to do to feel better is fine you know. If I may be so bold, I think you need to spend some time aging down? Maybe that would help you a little."  
He gasped, she rubbed his arms reassuringly.

“We know Juice. We also know we can't replace your daddy, but I think I'd be a great Auntie."

  
"Don't think Tig will like it if I call him Uncle." He sniffled, nuzzling into the crook of her arm.

  
"Well never mind that now sweetie. You just let me know if you need anything okay." He nodded.

Venus untangled herself from him and made her way from the room. He stayed on the floor, he kept checking the phone screen praying it would ring and be Fillip.

“Venus baby, I know. We’re just not set up for that, what does it even mean for him. Everyone is so different in those kinds of relationships. Uncle Tig... why? I mean why can’t we just be Venus and Tig, the other care givers? Baby...”

He sighed feeling defeated. Once Venus had her heart set on something she got her way. He’d never dabbled in this kind of thing. Having a little was such a broad concept, he didn’t know how to navigate those waters. Not with someone else’s sub or little.

  
“Do we just need to be a little firmer with him? I’m already living on his couch. I never see you anymore hardly. I love the little shit but I just dont know how this works.”

  
She put her hands on her hips and looked at him very seriously.

“You talk to him Tiggy. You already told him you were here for him, and. You. Knew. Exactly! What you were agreeing too. Don’t act like you didn’t, I’ve seen your browser history.”

He put his head on the table and groaned. “I’m not changing diapers.”

She threw her hands in the air exasperatedly.

“Have you seen the first baby item in his home? No you have not. Maybe he just likes to be cared for, to feel safe, you big idiot. Maybe feeling smaller than the person caring for him helps him feel safe. That boy deserves to feel safe. Hell I would almost bet his life had been harder than mine. You know that is not easy for me to say Alexander. But I feel it.”

He stood and took her in his arms, holding her tightly.

“Move in with me. Be my old lady Venus. Like officially, not just this occasionally thing. Stop selling yourself to people beneath you, and help Nero with the club. You could get that place running better than that floozy they’ve got in there now.”

She smiled and sighed at him. “That was a drastic change of conversation.”

  
He chuckled in agreement. “You get so passionate when you’re right, I just fall harder for you.”

  
She sighed sadly. “We’ve been over this Alexander, while you’re fantasy sounds wonderful, we both know the club turns a blind eye because we’re not official. You keep sticking your dick in bimbos and they don’t care. I move in here and...” he cut her off with a kiss.

“You move in here and they accept it or choke on your dick, while getting fucked with mine.”

They both laughed a little. He held her hands in his swinging their arms like teenagers.

“I’m tired of playing games Venus. No more bimbos. No more johns. I need you in my life. You’re head strong, stubborn, loud and flamboyant. You’re the most beautiful wonderful thing to happen to me and I don’t even deserve you. Not after all the horrible things I’ve done. I fucking love you. You never let me take the easy way out and you make me better person. I’d get your name tattooed across my forehead to prove it to you. You don’t have to say yes, just don’t say no.”

Venus used the hem of the apron she’d put on earlier to dab her eyes.

“Why do you do this to me? Making a lady cry isn’t very cordial.”

She laughed between her sobs.

“Are you gonna marry him?”

They heard a whisper from the doorway. Both of them jerked their heads around to see Juice. She motioned for him to come in, hugging him tightly.

  
“What do you say? Hmmm? Should I accept his convoluted proposal? It wasn’t for marriage just so you know Juice.”

He put his hand to her ear and whispered.

  
“Juan Carlos. I’m so sorry. It’s very nice to meet Juan Carlos love.”

He smiled big and beaming, Tig knew he’d lost the Uncle battle as soon as he’d made that face. He couldn’t say no, kid was too cute.  
He walked over to Tig and pulled his sleeve as if to pull him down. He whispered into his ear as well.

  
“You think so huh? Well you are the smart one.”

  
Tig removed his reaper ring from his groom finger and knelt down on one knee. His hands were shaking but Juan’s hand on in his shoulder grounded him a little. Venus looked befuddled, her eyes were big and her mouth was gaping open, tears streamed mascara down her face.

  
“He says, maybe you’d be more willing to accept my convoluted proposal if it were an actual proposal. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Be my old lady Venus. Marry me?”

He took her hand and slipped the chunky ring onto her ring finger. It fit a little loosely but it would do for now.

  
“We uh-we can get you a better one later if you...”

“Shut up Alexander. It won’t be necessary.”

Juan and Tig both were taken by surprise at the suddenness of her words. She pulled him to stand in front of her.

  
“I can’t say yes to a man beneath me, only equal too or greater. You big idiot.”

She wrapped her arms around him.

“I don’t need another ring, this one is perfect. Yes Alexander, be my equal.”

Her lips met his, Juan clapped in the background excitedly.  
When they broke the kiss Tig rubbed Juan’s Mohawk.

“I knew you were smart.” He teased.

  
Venus still had tears running down her face as she pulled them both into a hug.

“Today has not gone at all the way I thought it would. Thank you for loving me.”

“Baby, only a fool wouldn’t love you.” He kissed her again despite Juan’s gagging sounds.

She grinned against his lips. “Let’s put Juan Carlos to bed, so we can go to bed. We can talk tomorrow.”

Juan sighed. “I’m going. Don’t be gross. I can hear you.”

He marched down the hall and playfully slammed the door for good measure.

Tig smiled back at Venus.

“So you’re really going to marry me?”

She feigned annoyance.

“If you ask me again I’ll change my mind.”

Tig put his hands up in surrender. “You think he’s gonna be okay? I hope Chibs gets to call tomorrow.”

“He’s gonna be fine, he’s got a great Auntie and Uncle looking out for him.” She pecked his lips and dashed away into the living room laughing the whole way, barely escaping his grip to pull her back.


	41. 41

When Juan woke up the next morning in a bed at Tigs house he felt oddly light. The memories from last night flooded him, anxiety started to replace that calm feeling.He remembered crying in this room, Venus petting him, she met Juan Carlos. His ears burned with embarrassment, she told Tig about Juan Carlos. He would know, he did know. He wanted to curl up and die, he also wanted towards the food smell. He was hungry and whatever was being cooked smelled good. He could pretend last night never happened, or he could embrace it.

 

He got himself dressed and brushed his teeth before going into the kitchen. His brain was in chaos again, trying to figure out how to approach the day.

 

"Well good morning sleepy head! Wasn't sure if you were joining us for breakfast or if I'd have to come drag you out of bed." Venus was way to happy for it to be morning.

 

Tig turned to look at him, his icy blue eyes piercing into him. Juan swallowed under the state, trying to smile.

"M-morning." He stuttered out before be could compose himself.

 

"You sleep alright? You seemed restless last night." Tig asked casually, watching Venus plate food.

Juan nodded. He didn't remember being restless or even having trouble sleeping.

 

"Come on and sit, gotta eat breakfast. What do you think we should do today?"

Tig tried to sound enthusiastic but all of this was foreign to him. He didn't like Juice being so timid. Before Chibs left, he was funny, talkative, hyper active and truthfully obnoxious. Tig didn't like this version, quiet, reserved, scared, it wasn't Juice.

 

"Gotta go to the shop yeah?"

He answered in what should have been his normal voice but just didn't sound right. Tig shook his head no.

 

"I closed the shop today. Everyone has so much shit going on I figured everyone could use a break. So you have a free day. If you don't want to hang out with Venus and myself you could call Jessie."

 

He nodded, and accepted the plate Venus handed out to him.

"Thank you."

He sat the plate down and looked at it and then back at Tig.

 

"Jessie is driving out to some base. They are doing something for them. I don't really know, she said she'd be back in a week. Um. You don't have to baby sit me though, I can find something to do. It's getting easier you know?"

 

Tig swallowed the food in his mouth.

“Well, I thought maybe we could ride out to the lake or something. Get out of town for a day. Venus can pack up some food for us."

 

Juan Carlos nodded.

"Juice are you sure you're okay? You're just... hmmm off... today." Venus asked sweetly.

 

"Yes ma'am. I'm fine, just same stuff ya know."

 

She smiled and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

“Such manners, sweet boy."

 

Juan felt the flush come over his face and ears. He smiled and pulled into himself.

 

Tig cleared his throat, inhaling deeply.

"Would it be better if maybe, I called you Juan?"

 

Juan Carlos eyes fluttered upward towards Tig, his arms wrapped around himself. Shit! They weren't going to let last night go. He thought to himself.

 

"Juan Carlos." He mumbled barely audible.

 

Tig didn't hear and asked him to repeat it.

 

"Juan Carlos please." He mumbled again, unable to make his voice any louder.

 

Tig sighed a little and scooted his chair closer. The tapped his ear and motioned for him to come closer. 

"Tell me in my ear huh? Maybe then my deaf ears will work."

Juan smiled a little at the joke but leaned into Tigs body to whisper in his ear.

"Juan Carlos, is small. Juan is what Daddy calls me when I'm out of my cut."

 

Tig nodded. "So Juan is big like Juice?"

Juan Carlos nodded.

 

"And you feel like Juan Carlos now?"

He nodded.

 

"Okay. Okay... well Uncle Tig has a few questions. Think you can answer them?"

Juan Carlos nodded.

 

"Okay. Does Juan Carlos talk?"

 

He giggled, covering his mouth, but nodded yes.

"Sometimes." He spoke softly.

 

"How old is Juan Carlos?"

He shrugged.

 

Tig rolled his eyes.

 

"What does Juan Carlos like to do?"

He shrugged.

 

Tig rolled his eyes.

 

"So obviously Juan Carlos is shy, and nervous. Juice isn't afraid of me and Juan Carlos shouldn't be either. I guess we will work this all out yeah?"

Juan Carlos smiles and nodded.

 

The phone in his pocket started blaring, he hurriedly tried to answer it before it stopped.

The robotic voice came through the speaker **.**

**_This is a collect call from an inmate at Stockton State Prison. Will you accept the charges? Press one for yes. Two for no. Three for name._ **

Juan pressed three.

_**Inmate** Fillip Telford **is trying to reach you. Will you accept the charges? Press one for yes. Two for no. Three...** _

Juan presses one cutting off the robot voice.

"He-hello?"

 

"Juicy Boy? Tha ye?"

 

"Mmmhmmm Juan Carlos, Daddy."

 

Chibs sighed into the phone. He missed him so much. His heart clinched his when he heard his voice.

 

"I miss ye lovey. Jax tol me to call ye. Guess ye and Tiggy put some money on the books for me? Ye didn't have to do tha, lovey. I just hadn't gotten around to it."

 

"I want you to call more."

 

He stood up and walked from the table. Tig started to follow after him, but Venus placed her hand on his arm stopping him.

 

Fillip felt like an asshole, he hadn't been calling because he wanted to make the separation easier on Juan but he was only making it worse.

 

"Okay lovey I'll call more. I'm sorry I got sick an missed ye. Are ye holding up okay?"

 

"Trying. Heads all messed up. Tig and Venus met Juan Carlos. I didn't mean too, I just can't keep it together. I'm falling apart, I'm going to get booted from the club for being so stupid and weak."

 

"Hey hey, no tha won happen. Yer not weak lovey, yer dealing with hard shite. Tig and Venus are good people to know about Juan Carlos, they can help ye."

 

Juan felt the tears, he didn't want to cry. He didn't want to make Fillip sadder.

"Okay. When can I see you?"

 

"Well lad, because of illness I can put in to reschedule visits. Ye wan come tomorrow?"

 

He felt his heart speed up with excitement.

"YES! Please." He shouted excitedly.

 

"Run ask Tig if he will bring ye. Times almost up lovey. Damn short calls." He tried to chuckle but his heart was hurting and the sound reflected it.

 

Juan ran back into the kitchen, smiling his mega watt smile, bouncing on his heals. Tig wasn't sure what the question was going to be, but he already knew the answer would be yes.

 

"Uncle Tiggy?”

Tigs eyes widened but he didn't interrupt him. He kinda liked the sound of it.

"Can we go see Fillip tomorrow if they let him change his visit?"

Tig nodded yes.

 

"Daddy he says yes! I'm coming to see you tomorrow!"

He sing songed feeling like he was going to explode.

 

"Wait lad, I have to get it approved. I'll call ye in the morning early if the warden says okay _."_

**_The call will disconnect in ten seconds. Please insert another payment or disconnect the call._ **

The annoying robot voice spoke over them.

"Okay daddy. I love you!"

 

"I love ye Juan. Stay brave lad, yer doing such a good job. I'll call more."

**_The call will now disconnect. Good bye_ **

The phone cut off before he could respond.

 

Juan already felt better just knowing it was possible.


	42. 42

The sun was falling beneath the edge of the water. It glistened on the lake painting a scenic picture worthy of framing. Juan was laying on his stomach on the blanket, feet in the air, chin rested on his hands, looking out on the water.

The air was still, and it was quiet around them. For the first time since that weekend with Fillip, Juan felt safe again. He didn't feel small anymore just regular. (If regular meant anything really.) Being away from the club, was a nice change of pace. Even with all the chaos the club still had shit to do. He was pulling doubles in the garage, and hacking files RICO had. The club intended to use whatever information they had against them, whatever Clay had given them. Stab them with their own knife so to speak. Juice was busy though and that was good. When he was busy he couldn’t worry too much.

Being here with Tig and Venus was a nice change from the brutality of the club, a even nicer change from what he’d ever expected. Even amongst brothers there was constant drama. Drama over food, girls, guns, anything they could fight over. They did. Which came a total shock to Juice when he first prospected. The drama just added to that family feel though, and family was the one thing he’d always wanted.   
  
Laying here now relaxing in the sun, listening to the quiet chatter of the other two, his mind began to aimlessly wonder.

_It was 2008 when he'd arrived in Charming he was dehydrated, in the pit of withdrawals and half starved. He had needed some where to go, something to do. He knew he wasn’t going to survive much longer on his own. If anything his past would have found him eventually. He spent his first few nights sleeping on a bench, just hoping to survive each night till morning._

_He'd eventually made it to Teller-Morrow, everyone there looked like they could crush him easily. Bikes lined the front of the lot and for the life of him he couldn't figure out what made him walk into the place to begin with._

_A large man with a bushy beard and kind eyes had met him in the lot. He remembered the man, who he now knew as Bobby, seemed perplexed and defensive about his presence._

_Bobby had given him water, made small talk with him. J.C as it was then told him about his moving, though he changed the story. He didn’t have shit for experience in a garage, but he was good with computers. Bobby had told him to use that when he introduced him to Jax. He had gotten a shower, a hot meal from who he now called Mom. Gemma, she was every ones mother, the over all protector of the club. She told him about everyone. Spilled their best dirt trying to make him comfortable._

Juice chuckled a little now to himself.

_Gemma had warned him to tread lightly around the Scot known as Chibs. He had a temper that could fly off, he was drunk a lot and had a dark past. Someone as sweet as J.C wouldn’t last long around him. Funny that she said that, he’d been on the worst end of Chibs temper more than once._

_Juice had gotten to see sides of Chibs no one else had seen. He was the nicest, most caring person he’d ever known. He wondered what they’d say if they knew about them. They’d probably be disgusted that’s what they be. Jax already didn’t like him, he didn’t need any more ammo._

_She had also told him all about Tig. J.C had been convinced the two of them must have had something at one time. He saw the occasional way they looked at each other. Tig was supposedly a real weirdo, and an asshole. While Juice had learned those things were definitely true, he was also so much more than that._

He watched the ducks in the water, envying how free they looked. Maybe Fillip was right with wanting to get them out. Maybe they could start a new life.

“Hey Juicey.” Tig smacked him on his butt playfully, trying to get his attention.

Juice groaned at the contact a little louder than he’d meant too. His face and ears flushed bright red.

“Yeah Tig?” He asked smiling brightly, seeing Tigs face also slightly reddened.

“Whatchu thinking about so intently? You been staring off into space.”

Juice looked a little confused he didn’t know how much time had passed, it only felt like a minute.

“Just when I first came to Charming and how much life has changed since then.” Saying it out loud felt stupid but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Venus nodded in understanding.

“I’m sure you never imagined you’d be picnicking at a lake with _Tig_ eating shortbread cookies a _transgender_ southern belle prepared for you, killing time until your knight in shining armor comes home from the pen. It’s a lot to take in I’m sure.” She exaggerated her accent a little.

“Nope. Not where I thought I’d be after a few years. Not really where I thought I’d ever be. I’m glad I’m here though.” His smile was bright and genuine.

Tig ruffled his hair nudging his shoulder. “It’s getting dark. We need to pack it in. Especially if we might have to be up early in the morning.”

 

 


	43. 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank God for Venus

**6:30 AM**

Juice was snoring softly, sleeping in Tigs extra room. Tig and Venus stood in the door way watching him before they got the day started. He looked so peaceful laying there, all the tension gone from him.

"Should we wake him up? He's gotta be at the lot this morning." She asked quietly.

Tig shook his head no. In all the months he'd been staying with the other man, he noticed he didn't sleep much. When he did sleep he was fitful, constantly moving, or whimpering and mumbling at something. Right now he was quiet save for the snores and his body was still and calm.

"Chibs might call this morning anyway for him to come in. I got the shop covered with prospects and actual employees. Let him sleep." He put his hand at the small of her back and pulled her away from the door.

Venus sauntered into the kitchen, grabbing her apron.

"You know Alexander, if I had known the shop was covered I could have gotten a little more beauty sleep."

Laughing at her Tig started the coffee maker.

"You know I'm always up early."

"That doesn't mean I have to be!" She skoffed playfully.

The two of them sat together in the small kitchen sipping coffee and eating toast. The entire situation was odd, Tig never found himself comfortable with anyone this way before. The deal with Juice hadn't made him nearly as uncomfortable as he thought it would, he felt happy. The people around him were happy. In his gut he worried it wouldn't last long.

 **7:15 AM** Juice walks sleepily into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

"Juice? Honey you alright?" Venus asked cautiously, when she saw the redness of his face and the tears on his cheeks.

"Woah man, you alright? What's up." Tig asked with genuine concern.

“I'm sorry. Didn't mean to cry. I'm pathetic and I don't know why you're doing any of this for me." He mumbled out.

His phone was clutched tightly in his hand, Tig noted.

"You're not pathetic Juice." He spoke very matter of fact. "You hear from Chibs?"

Juice shook his head no.

"Okay. So why are you so upset?" Venus asked in a sweet voice.

His fists balled up at his sides, and his foot raised. Because how could they not understand that the stupid phone call was the problem? Tig could see the frustration on his face but had no clue where it stemmed from.

Venus knelt down in front of Juice, taking his hands in hers. His leg relaxed before he could stomp it. She worked her hands into his, unballing his rigid fists. Tig sat up straight in his chair ready to pounce in the event he should hit her.

"Now Juan Carlos you listen to me dear." Her voice stern but soft. "I know you're upset and frustrated and you probably have no clue how to explain to us how you feel."

He tried to pull his hands away, stuttering out words no one could quite make out. Venus held tight. Tig was in literal awe of the situation in front of him.

"Hush now child. You can be upset and as mad as you want to be. But you'll not be disrespectful. I don't think anger is the real feeling here. Maybe it's one that's easier for you to express?"

He nodded, even Tig nodded in agreement.

"Why don't you try to relax a little, take some breaths. Chibs didn't say what time, and you know how prison works. If we can't go today that's okay. We can always write him a letter. You can put exactly how you feel in it."

She stood, still holding onto his hands, feeling him relax a little. She gently pulled him over to the table.

"Sit here and have some breakfast. We'll put your phone right here, so if it rings we can all hear it. You can help me make some cookies after you eat. How about that? Chibs likes cookies. Uncle Tiggy also likes em. If we get to go, we can take some to him. If we don't, well we can mail em. How does that sound?"

He smiled at her now. Not big, but a smile.

She smoothed out her dress and sat back down at the table. Tig had been silent, completely awestruck at how Venus had handled everything. He hadn't realized the look on his face reflected that, until Venus slapped him on the arm and told him to stop staring.

"You're amazing, you know that?" He asked playfully.

"I am inclined to think so Alexander, now you eat your breakfast too."

"Yes ma'am!" He saluted her jokingly.

Juice snickered at them.

"Don't get me more trouble kid." He teased.

Juan Carlos crammed toast into his mouth.

"What kind of cookies you going to make? Make enough for me to take to the lot?"

Venus beamed at him. "You wanna show off my cooking? Well Mr.Trager."

“I do actually. I figure I can sweeten em up with cookies and then tell em we're getting married."

Juan Carlos made a gross face at them when he kissed her, but his cheeks turned red. He felt like he was seeing something he wasn't supposed to see. It was just for them and he was intruding.

"Juan Carlos what kind of cookies do you like?" Tig looked at him when he spoke, trying to make sure he didn't isolate him in some way.

He was trying to be so aware of everything, trying to keep the kid from offing himself, or going nuts. It was really an exhausting job but even he knew that out of all his brothers, he was the best cut out for it in Chibs absence.

**8:30 AM**

Venus and Juice have flour and sugar all over the kitchen and themselves. They are laughing and chatting amongst themselves and Tig can't help but be a little jealous that he's going to lose this when Chibs comes home. He likes having Juice around, like this family feel he's had since he took on being his overseer of sorts. He can't help but also hope that he and Venus keep this after he's gone.

The smells coming from the kitchen are heavenly and they've probably made 6 dozen different kinds of cookies since they'd started after breakfast. Some of which they just made up with whatever sweet things they could find. Tigs mouth watered, even as he sat in the living room watching tv.

 **8:40AM**  

The phone on the table blares to life. Startling everyone. Juan Carlos made a dash for it, ignoring the mess on his hands. Everyone in the house was silent waiting to hear the conclusion of this call.

_This is a collect call from an inmate at Stockton State Prison. Will you accept the charges? Press one for yes. Two for no. Three for name._

This time Juice clicked one immediately. He cleared his throat trying to gain back his big boy voice.

"Hello." He answered.

"Juicey boy! Hello lovey."

Juice beamed, Fillip sounded like he was happy.

"Do I get to come see you Daddy?! Huh? Can I?"

Fillip laughed into the phone.

"Yes boyo. Ye get to come see me. I can have a visit at one o'clock. This time though we will be in a conference room since it's not a standard visitation time. We still get one hour. I canno wait to see ye."

He jumped up and down in place, smiling ear to ear. It didn't take much for everyone else to figure out the trip was a go.

"Venus and me made cookies! I'm gonna bring you some. I guess you can share them with the guys if you want too. We made lots of them. Some of them are interesting cause we out candy and stuff in them."

His speech was regressed a little but not fully. He was speaking quickly and full of excitement.

"I can't wait to try em. Ye be a good lad and go get ready okay. Let me talk to Tig real fast."

“UNCLE TIGGY!!!! PHOOOONE!" He shouted across the house.

Chibs laughed on his end at the name, Venus chuckled but swatted him lightly on the rear telling him not to scream so loudly.

Tig walked into the room, eye brow raised. Juan Carlos held the phone out to him.

"Tiggy? Hmm?"

"That's Uncle Tiggy I'll have you know Fillip!" He joked into the phone.

"Thank ye for making him comfortable and safe Tig. For real it's more than I could have asked of ye."

"It's not so bad. He's been alright. Sheriff hadn't been around since they took you guys in. So that's helped. He made a friend too. Jessie. I haven't had to do much work."

Fillip laughed at his statement, knowing good and well Juan Carlos even Juice was a lot to handle.

"Whatever ye say brotha. Look when he comes in for visitation today, send him back alone if he will let ye. I just want to have some time wit'em ye know?"

"They allowing conjugal visits now?" Tig teased and Juan Carlos turned a shade of red, he didn't think possible on his tan skin.

"Naw! Ye numpty. I just wan to be able to talk to em and let hem jus be himself. He needs some time away from the crowd in the main room."

Tig hummed in agreement.

"I'll do it. Hopefully he won't put up a fight. He's been... well he's been doing that thing you know? All morning, and some of the night before."

"He's in little space idjit. Thas what we call it. Guess he's comfortable enough around ye know to let it slip a little."

"Yeah it doesn't seem on purpose though. Mostly when he gets overwhelmed emotionally. Venus though, she's good at helping."

"Good. Look I have to go, the phone will hang up on us. Tell em I love em and I'll see em soon."

"Will do. Love you brother."

Juan Carlos was staring at him with wide eyes, and a shameful flush.

"I'm sorry I keep doing the _thing_."  He said the word with disgust. He knew Tig hated this.

"Hey, it isn't an issue, I just didn't know what to call it. Go get yourself ready to go alright. We have a long drive."

He ruffled his hair and went back into the living room. He stole a cookie on his way out, burning his fingers, yelping. Venus and Juan Carlos both laughed at him. Today was going to be a good day.

**10:45 AM**

They all walked out the door and loaded into the truck.


	44. 44

Juan was giddy as he walked through the metal detector, Tig right behind him still. The guard had taken his bag of cookies and went through it all. Juan cringed as he watched the mans hands touch everything in the bag. He could hear Tig telling him quietly " _it's just protocol. He's wearing gloves._ " He trained his face not to react to his disgust, he had learned long ago that it would be interpreted as guilt.

The guard was a gruff man, not much taller than Bobby. He was as big around as he was y'all, and that thought made him giggle internally. His demeanor wasn't pleasing, not the kind of man you'd want to converse with. Sometimes you can just tell a dirty cop when you see one. Juan had learned to spot them. A sick feeling washed over him, he tried to shake it off when the man spoke.

"Juan Ortiz?" The Officer asked in an uncaring tone.

"Yes sir." He spoke softly. Tig was standing behind him trying to comfort him with his presence.

"You're here to visit inmate Telford?" He asked with a raised brow.

Juan nodded, his mouth felt dry and his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. "Y-Yes sir."

The guard eyes him suspiciously. "Didn't know they let fags in a gang. Hmm." He scoffed in disgust.

“Oh." Was all Juan could peep out.

“You must be the old lady then huh? Bringing him cookies and such. Maybe you'd like a free man to cook for?"

Juan felt his eyes burn, he refused to cry here. Tig on the other hand seethed. He felt more than he saw Tig tense behind him and his fist raise. Juan put his hand on Tigs trying to steady him, make him drop his fist. If he punched a guard Juan would never get to see Fillip and he'd never get out early.

“Watch it." Was all Tig stated dropping his hand in defeat, the look in Juan's eyes winning the battle.

The guard looked him over and shrugged. "You want your fuck visit or not? Better keep the dog on his leash."

He spoke to Juan like he was dirt. He talked about the MC. Worst of all presently he was degrading Tig. Juan was struggling to hold it together. He wanted to see Fillip, not for the reason the guard thought but none the less he wanted to see him.

"Come on then." He pulled Juan's arm roughly.

Tig stayed where he was in the waiting area. Trying to calm himself into not killing the guard when this was over. He had a bad feeling about the guard and was really hoping nothing bad happened to Juan while they were gone. Chibs had wanted Juice to come alone, and Tig allowed it, but he didn't have to like it.

Juan looked over his shoulder at Tig. Those big brown eyes pleading, with fear. He was scared, Tig could tell he was scared. He wanted to say _fuck it_ and go through to him. Instead he relented, he gave him a thumbs up and a smile.

"Wait in here. Your man must really want some of you pretty boy. He paid out big for this hour."

The guard didn't give him time to respond before paging over his walkie talkie to another officer.

Juan stood motionless, with his back to room as the door slammed shut, jarring him from his trance like state. The officers words sank in as he looked around the room. This was not a conference room, there was a bed in the corner, like a real bed, not one of those cell bunks. It looked like a bedroom, or a very small studio apartment. Pictures adorned the walls, trying to give the cold cement blocks a more homey feel, a small table and a mini fridge. On the night stand there was a slip of paper, much like you'd find in a hotel room.

**_Conjugal Room Guidelines_ **

**_Congratulations you have earned this time with your family._ **

**_In this time we ask that you respect the cleanliness of the room and things be left as you found them._ **

**_Future privileges can be revoked due to unsanitary conditions._ **

**_There are cleaning supplies, as well as family planning prevention in the cabinet under the sink._ **

**_Please wipe down room before you leave. Bed linens should be put into hamper. Refrigerator is for food and drink items loved ones may bring into the room for over night visits._ **

**_Do not leave any personal belongings in room, as they will be discarded._ **

**_No alcohol will be permitted._ **

**_Please enjoy this time. Please help us continue to implement our family bonding program by continuing to respect our facilities._ **

**_Thank you_ **

**_Stockton Penitentiary Staff_ **

Juan dropped the paper back onto the night stand and sat his bag on the table. He felt weak and nervous and was suddenly way less excited about this meeting.

A part of him was happy he would get some alone time with Fillip, but he was also terrified of this closed in space. He wanted Tig to be with him, to tell him somehow this was normal or a surprise he knew about.

_Surely Fillip didn't ask for this? They weren't married, why would he pay for him to come have sex with him? They hadn't even had sex in the real world, Juan sure as hell wasnt going to do it here._

_If he didn't buy the room for sex, what would he be doing in here?_

Juan heard loud foot steps, and guards laughing and chatting. His anxiety began to sky rocket and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of this room but he wouldn't be able too. The door was opening and he was terrified of who would really be on the other side.

He slowly opened his eyes as he felt strong arms wrap around him. Fillip. It was Fillip, he was holding him tightly. Juan felt his knees buckle and he started to fall, thankful for the arms around him. The last thing he heard was the door slam shut and everything went black.


	45. 45

"Lovey" Juan could hear Fillip in the distance. His voice sounded like he was under water, he couldn't focus on the sound. He opened his eyes, his vision was blurred, he couldn't only make out the outline of Fillips face.

 

"Lovey, I'm ere lovey. Ye okay?"

 

Juan blinked up at him trying to answer him but he didn't have control of his muscles yet. Fillip looked different, he has scruff where he had once been shaved clean, a more full beard adorned his face in place of his neat goatee. He wore prison jeans and a white tee shirt, which Juan found to be a stark contrast to his typical black and dark colors.

 

"Where are we?" Juan's voice didn't sound like his own to his own ears.Everything felt foreign, he didn’t feel like his body was even his own.

 

"Yer at Stockton. Ye came to visit me lad." Fillip was concerned, this was the second time the boy had fainted for seemingly no reason.

 

"Why are we in this room?" Surprise filled him again Ashe room in the room once more.

 

Fillip swallowed dryly and looked sad or lost.

 

"I need ye to trust me lad. I didn't do this." Fillip sighed, pressing his fingers of his free hand into the bridge of his nose. His other arm still wrapped around Juan holding him upright against the bed.

"Jax. He thought he was doing us a favor. Lad I swear I didn't tell em'."

 

Juice looked confused, his entire life was confusing, why would this be any different.

 

"I know you didn't. He told me at the last visit. He's worried about you being depressed."

 

"Well I guess we got outed before we were ready huh?" Fillip sighed again.

 

Juan smiled a little. "It's okay. If we’re not going to be killed by the club. We can still have our secrets. Right Daddy?"

 

Now Fillip smiled chuckling softly at his boys teasing. “Yer right lil' one. Yer right."

 

They were quiet for a while, just enjoying holding each other. The bag on the table caught Fillips eye, he stood up and walked over to it.

 

"Wha's in this bag?" He smiled teasingly.

 

Juan beamed proudly at him, standing up from the bed too quickly. He shook his head trying to get rid of the dizzy.

 

"Those are the cookies I made with Venus! I hope you like them."

 

Fillip nodded and opened the bag. Some of the cookies were broken into pieces, and he could see the sadness wash over Juan's face.

 

"That man shook em all up." He was barely audible. His voice sounded so small.

 

"Well they're still edible. I bet they taste amazing!" He pulled out a large half of a peanut butter with chocolate chips with m&ms cookie. His eyes widened looking at it.

 

" _Mister Healthfood_ made this?" He teased making Juan blush.

 

"You know I like sweets Fillip." He wrapped his arms around him and squeezed.

 

"Aye. Whas my name lad?" Fillip replied in a playfully stern voice. He grinned when he saw Juan's face light up redder still.

 

" _Daddy_."

 

Fillip placed a kiss on his head. Together they sat back on the bed, in each other's arms.

“Thas right. Don ye forget it.”

 

"It feels good to be with you. I'm glad we get to spend time together. Even if it is just an hour."

 

Fillip turned serious, looking Juan over the letting his eyes rest on his.

"I wan ye to talk to me lovey. Whas going on with ye? How are things going? Your letters have been getting short and vague.”

 

The hurt on Chibs face broke Juan's heart. He hadn't meant to hurt him, he was being selfish and trying to keep himself from hurting so much. He had Tig and Venus, even Jessie to occupy him, but Chibs really didn't have anyone here. Not really, just superficially with the club.

 

His eyes began to burn again and he let the tears fall.

"I'm just s-scared. I miss you and I hate that I miss you so much. I don't want to be dependent like that. I'm trying so hard not to be clingy and annoying. I ju-."

 

Fillip cut him off before he could finish.

"Lad ye listen to me now and ye listen good. I like ye jus the way ye are. I'm sorry I got put in here, it's not fair to ye. But I like the way ye need me. I need ye too. I don wan to lose ye. Okay?"

 

Juan wiped his eyes and nodded.

"I'll write you again. I promise. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

 

"Is okay lad. Now, how is Tig treatin ye? Heard ye callin em _Uncle_."

 

Again Juan blushed a deep red, nodding. "Is that okay? He doesn't _discipline_ me or nothing, he just spends so much time with me. I was maybe a tiiiny bit small and Venus noticed."

 

The room was so sterile feeling that having emotions at all seemed out of place. There was no clock, no way of knowing how much time had passed, it felt like hours while also feeling as though they’d just gotten there. Fillip thought about how he felt about Tig taking care of his boy in such a way. What would that mean for them?

 

Fillip wrapped his arms tighter around him, trying to comfort his tears.

“If he’s takin good care of ye, it’s fine with me. Ye need looking after. He ain’t spankin ye then?”

 

Juan shook his head no. “He just... I don’t know how to explain it. He’s just nice. Venus talks to me when I’m naughty or rude. It wouldn’t feel right for him to do that, I think. That’s your job.”

 

“It is my job. It’s also my job to make sure yer gettin the care ye need. We agreed tha ye _need_ discipline and structure. Me leaving took away both of those and threw ye into chaos again.”

 

Juan tensed, he wasn’t sure where this was going. The confusion evident on his face.

 

“Lovey I know Tig and Venus can’t give ye everything I can. Or tha ye don’t want it from them. If I tol Tig they could spank ye, or discipline ye in some way, how would ye feel about that? Would tha be okay?”

 

Juan looked up at him with his big eyes. He didn’t really know how he’d feel about it. Sure he’d thought about it, but he didn’t know how he’d really feel about it.

 

He shrugged.

 

“Remember lovey ye make the decision here when it comes to that. What yer comfortable with.” He nudged him playfully. “I can’t have ye gettin all spoiled rotten while I’m in ‘ere. I’ll never get ye straightened out.”

 

Juan snuggled his face into Fillips neck, inhaling the scent that was just him. “I probably do need a good spanking. It’s been a while. If you want Tig to punish me, I’ll be okay with it. I don’t want play time with him or _other_ spankings from him. Just punishment spankings. I don’t want Venus to spank me. She’s too nice and mothery.”

 

Fillip stroked his neck gently, enjoying his close presence.

“Well we can all talk about it. Tig may not want that, and that’s fine. I’ll just have em keep a log so I can spank ye proper.”

 

Juan cringed but giggled. “ _You’re teasing me._ ”

 

Fillip smiled against his cheek, pressing a kiss to it.

“Yer such a naughty lil one. Does Daddy need to spank ye now. Help ye remember who yer daddy is?”

 

He felt the shiver ripple through the other man, he watched the goosebumps raise on his skin.

“The only one who can give ye wha ye need. Huh. Who does that for ye?”

 

Juan could feel himself getting aroused, he wanted to be spanked. He had done several naughty things since Daddy had been gone. He felt naughty now just sitting here, with his cock getting hard.

 

“You do Daddy.” His voice was filtered through a fog of lust. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips against Fillips neck. He was flooded with the realization that he hadn’t kissed Fillip one time since they’d been here. He was suddenly overwhelmed with need to do so.

 

He placed his hands on Fillips face and pulled him into him. All the grown up passion Juice had for this man was making itself known in this moment. He kissed him dominantly, took the full lead. Wrapping his arms around him he pulled himself into his lap. He nipped at Fillips lips, begging for him to take over.

 

“I love you Fillip. So much.” He breathes out against Fillips lips. Fillip returned the kiss in jest. Their bodies were grinding together and Fillip was struggling to stifle his moans. He pulled himself away from Juan and smiled.

 

“Lovey we need to slow down. Our time’ll be up soon an I don wan to fuck ye ‘ere. I mean I do, _badly_ , but thas the problem. We wanted more than this, our first time can’t be this.” He reached up to smooth thefrown from Juan’s face.

 

“How bout ye drop those pants and lay o’r my lap?”

 

Juan’s face lit up and he stood up quickly shimming his jeans down some.

 

“Yer so excited. Don think yer supposed to be excited.”

 

Juan looked at him definitely. “Shows how much you know!” He took his place on Fillips lap and waited anxiously for the first blow.


	46. 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy makes an important decision even though it was hard for himself.

The impact from each spank was consistent and firm. Daddy told him he wouldn't be harsh but he would be stern. They needed to make sure Juan got what he needed from this visit, so that hopefully he'd be alright again for a while.

 

He sat now with his face buried in Daddy's neck, soothing circles being rubbed onto his back. He hadn't been surprised with an orgasm this time like he had before, but he was actually glad.

 

Sitting here with Daddy in the afterglow, made his chaotic thoughts from before today seem ridiculous. Everything felt so calm and simple here in this lap. He pushed down the anxiety that threatened to bubble inside him when he thought about leaving.

 

"Yer gettin antsy again. Whas in tha head?" Fillip kissed him sweetly.

 

Juan shrugged. "Don't want to leave you."

 

Fillip sighed rubbing his back still.

 

“I don want ye to leave either.” Fillip kissed him at first sweetly, but the kissed became heated with passion.

 

Small whimpers escaped Juan more often than he wanted them too, Fillip growled in response to each noise he made, pulling him closer still.

Finally they tipped over onto the mattress, Juan maneuvering himself to straddle Fillip. Their lips never parted, hands touching any skin they could find. Juan’s pants were still disheveled from before, barely covering his ass and still unfastened. His cock was hard and evident from his open fly, it pressed firmly into Fillips abdomen as he held Juan tightly.

 

The whimpers turned to a breathy rumble deep in Juan’s chest, making the lava in Fillip belly come to a full boil. Having Juan here, hot against him, desperate for his touch was almost enough to make him leave his principles behind and give in. He wanted to feel Juan writhing beneath him, or bouncing on top of him. He wanted his hands to roam freely over his taut body, feel his muscles, he wanted so many things that would have to wait. Their time here was nearing an end, and he refused to let his first time with his beautiful lover be tainted by this horrible prison.

 

Fillip broke the kiss and turned his head to catch his breath. He placed his hands on Juan’s thighs, he could feel the tension in his legs. Juan panted above him, his face snuggled into Fillips chest.

 

“Thank you Fillip.” He breathed out roughly.

 

Fillip chuckled and kissed Juan’s head. “Wha for lad?” He felt a little confused, he’d just turned down Juan’s advances...again. He’d braced himself for his disappointment, even yelling like last time, but he was not ready for _Thank you_.

 

He felt the smile against him before Juan spoke. Juan sat up and laced his fingers with Fillips. “For stopping us before I lost my control. For doing what you do and taking care of me. -Fillip smiled at him, meeting his big dark eyes.- I would have let you fuck me into the grimy mattress just now, but you knew that wouldn’t be good for me. I would have regretted it later.”

 

“Do you have any negative feelings about the spanking?” Fillip asked seriously. Juan shook his head no.

“I think it helped, it’s why I’m thinking like a rational person right now and not losing my mind with doubt about your feelings for me.”

 

Fillip tilted his head, which Juan took to mean he needed a little more information.

 

“You know, like you do that for me because you care for me. You want me, you love me, I know that in your actions and your words. In our short time together you’ve already helped me understand I can be loved. I can be wanted even if it doesn’t involve sex to show it.” He smiled down at Fillip.

“I have a long history of not making good decisions for myself, as you know. That is why I chose to let you help me with that, even making some of them for me. Just now you chose to stop us before it escalated. Am I disappointed, of course because I’m horny as hell and I want you so bad I can’t stand it. But I’m not angry this time because I get it. I actually mean something, this means something, we mean something and this place isn’t where it needs to manifest in full. You’ll now when it’s the right time and I trust you.”

 

“Thank ye Juan.” They shared a sweet kiss before parting again. Fillip patted his leg motioning for him to move off of his body.

 

“We need to get ready to go. Get yourself put together. I’ll straighten up.”

 

It didn’t long to get everything in order, so they sat at the little table munching on cookies.

 

“I’ll call and talk to Tig tomorrow alrigh? We’ll work out some kind of agreement together for ye. I’ll start trying to call ye at least once a week.”

 

Juan fought back tears again, not wanting to leave Fillip. Though he was glad that he had somewhere to go and not be alone.

 

They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes until they heard the pounding on the door, and the lock turn.

 

Fillip pulled Juan into a tight hug and held him there until the guard cleared his throat.

 

The nasty guard grabbed Juan by the arm and pulled him towards the door, the other guard cuffed Fillip.

 

“See you soon Fillip.” Juan called out as he was led down the corridor.

 

Tigs eyes lit up when he saw a smiling Juan come into the intake area. He grabbed Juan from the guard roughly and hugged him tighter than he ever really had. Juan was talking but it was muffled by Tigs chest.

 

“Thank God you’re alright. I’ve been so worried that horrible man was going to do something to you.”

 

Juan kept mumbling but to no avail, Tig wasn’t listening. Finally Juan had to wiggle himself free and gasp for breath.

 

“You almost killed me just now Uncle Tiggy.” He smirked.

 

Tig threw an arm over Juan’s shoulder and walked him towards the door. “Never Juan. Tell me about your visit. You’re smiling so that’s good.”


	47. 47

Juice felt lighter when they got back to Tigs house. He was happy and everything felt... right. Even with the sinking feeling in his gut he felt fine. He knew he had to call Tara to check on him. Last time he'd fainted Daddy had gotten so upset with worry and called her. Juan had only just barely convinced him not too, but had promised he would if it happened again. Daddy hadn't mentioned it this time, but he knew him well enough to know the worried eyes he’dwoken back up too were an unspoken request.

 

It was late in the day, Tara would finish her shift soon. Juice decided he would call her after dinner. He would have to talk to Venus first, get his thoughts together with her.

 

"Auntie Venus!" He sang happily as he walked in the door.

 

"In here darlin." She called back as gracefully as ever.

 

Tig and Juice walked into the den where Venus was curled up on the couch with a book. Tig walked over greeting her with a kiss, Juice waited patiently for his turn to hug her.

 

She folded her book closed delicately and laid it in her lap, slipping her reading glasses off.

"Well how did it go? You seem rather chipper." She motioned for Juice to come to her and sit. He curled up next to her on the couch, resting his head on her shoulder. His smile was brighter than she'd seen in a while.

 

"It turned out good. Apparently Jax thought it would be a good idea to pay off a guard so we could use the _conjugal_ room."  He spoke casually as he rested against her.

 

Venus shot her eyes up at Tig in surprise. From everything she had gathered in their conversations the two of them hadn't been intimate in that way yet.

Tig put his hands up in surrender, smiling like a crazy person.

 

"Surely you didn't put use of it? You're too sweet a boy for your first time to be prison..." she stalled before whispering the rest of her thought. " _sex_."

 

Juan giggled softly at her, and shook his head. "It wouldn't be my _first_ first time." His voice was playful  and teasing. Venus arched a brow at him. "Juan Carlos Ortiz" Juan shuttered from the use of his full name, goosebumps breaking over his flesh.  "You'd better be joking. You might not be a virgin but your first time with Fillip needs to be more than a throw down in decorated cell. I'll not have it. I will march down there and give Fillip a piece of my mind."

 

Tig looked astonished, he wasn't sure what had gone on back there. The entire time he was worried about the gross guard, him fucking Fillip hadn't crossed his mind, and if he did why would it matter. It wasn't their business, Juice was a grown man, he could make that choice.

 

"Venus baby, IF that's what happened. Don't you think it's his right to decide that? He's a grown man." Tig reasoned.

 

Juan was blushing, hiding his face in the crook of Venus arm. He groaned out with embarrassment, trying to not be a part of the conversation about his virginity and sex with Fillip. Venus using an almost commanding voice that was so unlike her usual lilt and using his full name seemed to trigger a drastic drop inside of him. He wasn't sure what to call it. He didn't feel completely small, or adult. He just felt this burning inside of him. He wanted to hear Fillip say his name like that. He wanted a lot of things, some of which he hadn't thought about in a while.

 

"We are in charge of taking care of him in Fillips absence Alexander. Now Juice might be a gangster thug or whatever you call yourselves..." she swallowed, looking at him pointedly. "Our dear Juan Carlos on the other hand, is not fully capable of making said decisions."

 

They were talking about him like he wasn't there. It was starting to bother him. Daddy had known better than to keep going, he stopped them, so Juan wouldn't make a bad choice. He didn't like hearing them make it sound so bad if he had been with Fillip.

 

"Well it's good that he was with his _Daddy_ then baby. It's not our place to decide how they do things. Even if I agree I don't want him doing that in there. For soo many reasons, but that aside. It would still be up to Juice and his Dom to decide."

 

Venus sighed, petting Juan's hair. "I understand Alexander. I just don’t want him getting hurt. Or taken advantage of. If the wrong people in that place found out... do you have any idea what they'd do to him?" She wiped tears from her cheeks now, Juan could feel her distress. He couldn't make his mouth speak.

"Chibs would probably be alright, everyone likes him, he had that look about him. We both know if a brawl started,the club would protect him first. Juice is replaceable to them, Chibs has been around longer. You will never understand what it's like being different and unaccepted. Not like we will. Juice would be... I just can't even say it." She was full crying now and Tig rushes to her side. Juan was holding her tight but still hiding.

 

"Baby, he's safe. He's out here with us. Juicey isn't in prison, no one is going to hurt him. I didn't realize you were so concerned about that. I'm so sorry." He pleaded, still unsure of what provoked her thought process.

 

"It's not about the sex Alexander. It's about the wrong people finding out. Then he goes back to see him and... or god forbid that horrible sherif show back up and take him in. If the wrong guards know he's gay, (Juan cringed at the word. He still hadn’t been able to say it out loud.) they'd rip him apart. I just can't have that. I won't have it."

 

Tig paled as he thought about the asshole guard, what that man could have done to Juan. Venus was right, even if she was internalizing and over reacting.

 

Juan peeped from his hiding place. "Venus."

 

She wiped her eyes and looked over at him. He raised his face just a little, looking at Tig and then her.

"We didn't. Do. _That_. I did want too, at one point, but Daddy said no. He wouldn't do that, especially if there's a risk I could get hurt. We did kiss. Everything is fine though, Jax paid off the right guards. Please don't worry. I don't like it when you cry."

 

She tried to smile at him. "Baby, any guard that can be bought is the wrong guard. They will always sell to the highest bidder. Jax should know better. I trust you, I trust Fillip to make the right decisions for y'all but I don't trust anyone wearing a police uniform. Like I said my upset isn't about your intimate relationship with Fillip. That is your business and it will be beautiful when it blossoms. I worry about your safety in that place. I can't not worry. I'm too involved now."

 

They all sat in silence for a while, just understanding the situation. Finally Juan spoke up again.

 

"I have to call Tara. I fainted again and I promised I'd see her." He cringed as he spoke. He didn't want to give Venus any more reasons to worry about him.

 

"Also Daddy said he was going to call you tomorrow to um... discuss some things with you." He blushed and it intrigued Tig.

 

"You've been fainting? Why haven't you seen a dr before now?" Juan sighed, knowing he wasn't getting out of this. Auntie Venus had her feathers ruffled and now she was a force to be reckoned with.

 

"It just happens sometimes. Usually when I don't take my meds properly." He tried to make it sound normal and not like he was taking too many benzos.

 

Tig dropped his head to Venus' leg groaning in slight annoyance. He, like Juan, knew this conversation was also happening. He sat up and met Venus' eyes. "I'll go call Tara."

 

"Tig and more recently myself have been looking after you and we didn't know you were supposed to be taking medications. I feel like a terrible guardian."

 

Juan tried to soothe her. "It's okay. I don't tell people. Actually Fillip doesn't know either. Not really. I don't want them to think I'm weak. And you're not a bad guardian, I'm not actually a child. I can be responsible for my medications, I always have been."

 

She looked him sternly in the eye, now that Tig was out of the room.

“Taking them incorrectly isn't responsible. You may not be a child, but you are under my care. Like it or not, I will not have you taking drugs you're not supposed to be taking, nor will I have you abusing the ones you are supposed to be taking. The club doesn't have to know shit about you, but the people who love you need to know how to help you. You scared that poor girl to death last time you _messed up_."

She paused, letting her words sit with Juan.

“Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. Old ex Junkie to new young junkie I can see through you. If you can't agree to let us help you keep up with your medications, and take them properly."

She looked at him very seriously, she could see fear in his face as he didn't blink.

“I'm afraid we can not be your care givers. I have few hard limits when it comes to these games but that is one of them."

 

He paled. He knew Fillip would have said the same thing, he didn't want him to know. He knew Fillip didn't care about the pot, but if he found out he was playing with his benzos and his ADHD meds he wouldn't continue this agreement with him.

 

"I'll give you all of them. Please help me? I don't want to lose anyone. I don't even want to keep doing it, I just can't get balanced so I keep taking the wrong things and then I get high to ease the stress. I'm sorry. Please?" He was on the verge of tears.

 

"Shhhh sweet boy. Shhhhh." She rubbed his hair, pulling him back down against her. "I'll help you get straightened out. We will help you. You're not doing this daily?"

 

He shook his head no. "Just when I'm anxious."

 

"Well that's good. You shouldn't go through withdrawals. Ill make you an appointment with a dr outside the clubs reach. Maybe try you on some different medications. The ones you have are obviously not working."

 

He nodded, he wasn't going to argue. "Daddy spanked me today."

He didn't know what caused him to say it but he couldn't stop the words.

 

Venus was obviously taken back by such a drastic change of subject.

 

"Oh. Um okay. Had you done something?"

 

His smile beamed up at her. "Nope. Sometimes it just makes me feel better. It did today. Made the messiness inside my head quiet down. Think the dr can write a script for spankings?" He giggled now, happy that she laughed also.

 

"You are a handful Juan Carlos."

 

Tig felt relived when he came back into the room and they were laughing. He just watched them for a moment before announcing Tara would be over in an hour.

 

"Guess I better get dinner started. You want to help me?" She asked Juan hopeful.

 

He nodded yes and followed her into the kitchen.

 

"Hey! Juicy don't go trying to steal my woman." He teased, Juan stuck his tongue out at him and laughed.

 

"Sit your jealous behind down Alexander. I'll play with you later. For now this sweet boy needs to keep himself busy and he can do that by helping me out."

 

Juan giggled shyly from behind her. Tig couldn't wrap his head around what was currently his life. Tonight it was good though. Despite the roller coaster of emotions.


	48. 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice meets with Tara. She has her suspicions about what’s going on with him. All of which are the clubs fault, she just can’t understand how someone like him got caught up with these guys. Even though she loves them, they’re not always the best decision makers.

Tara made it over while they were having dinner. Venus being the hostess she was had insisted that she have a plate. Juice was thankful for that, it gave him time to settle into talking with her, work out the nervousness he had about the situation.

 

"Venus this squash risotto is amazing!" Tara praised genuinely, Tig smiled proudly at his woman as a faint blush crept over her face.

 

"Thank you Tara. Believe it or not Juice helped make it. It was his idea, trying to get this one over here to eat something not deep fried or on a bun." She nudged Tig and smiled at Juice.

 

"Wow Juice, I had no idea you could cook. I mean, I knew you were a health nut but I didn't think you could cook. Jax would burn down the house making cereal." She wiped her lips politely with her napkin and laughed. Now Juice blushed, embarrassed because a Son isn't supposed to cook. They get old ladies to that for them. Tara sensed his discomfort and smiled brightly.

 

"You know Bobby makes really good cookies. That man loves to bake. Sometimes when I need a good laugh, I think of him wearing a ruffled apron and a chefs hat. He's like a little baking lawn gnome."

 

Tig snorted at her response, before doubling over in a fit of laughter.

"Lawn Gnome! I'm buying him a fucking lawn gnome now. That is hilarious." He kept laughing until he had to stop to breathe. Juice relaxed a lot after that, even though he was dreading being a patient.

 

Venus stood to collect their dishes instructing them all to politely leave her kitchen so she could tidy it. Tig grabbed himself a beer and showed them into the next room.

 

"Juice is there somewhere you'd like to go to speak in private?"

 

Juices eyes flickered to Tig only briefly but Tara noticed. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to let Tig be a part of his visit. He didn't know what was expected and it made his anxiety spike.

 

He shrugged.

 

"If you want to stay in here that's fine also, but if I'm here officially as a doctor, you need to know that you have the right to privacy and it's your decision."

 

She sounded a little concerned.She knew how the club did things and if he felt pressured to have a witness in on his visit there must be a reason. Tig had called her, maybe he was doing this by force. She knew he'd had some questionable episodes lately but she didn't think that meant the Sons should dictate his medical care.

 

Juices thoughts were running rampant and the walls were closing in. Venus said they'd leave him, he had to handle this shit. If Chibs found out at all he'd leave him. He would lose everyone. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't breathe. The knot in his chest grew tighter and tighter until he was gasping for breath.

 

Tig spoke up trying to reassure him.

 

"Hey man, if you want to go alone that's fine. You can take her to your room. If you want me here that's fine too. We just want to make sure you're alright."

 

He shook his head, he felt like he was choking to death, his body didn't feel like his own. He knew it was dumb, he shouldn't be this afraid of Tara. She helped them all, even himself. He couldn't get the thoughts out of head, being taken to the dr in Queens. Making sure he was clean, being forced to do things he didn't want to do, praying nothing came back positive. He didn't want to get beat for being dirty. Even though it wouldn't be his fault if he was.

 

Tig looked at Tara trying to make his eyes plead with her. He knew what she was thinking, someone from the club was ordering this for some reason or another. However that wasn't the case this time. What Juice was doing right now was outside of his experience.

 

There was an uneasiness in the room, and Juice shut down further he couldn't make himself talk. His body started trembling noticeably and he kept his eyes cast down. Tig stood up from his recliner and went his side, rubbing circles on his back like he'd saw Venus do.

 

He kept his voice low, though Tara could still hear him.

 

"Hey man stay with us alright. You're not in trouble. This is about your health, not club shit. Nothing that she finds or says or whatever is going to affect your standing with the club. Alright."

 

"I'm s-sorry." He shook his head trying to lift the nervous fog.

 

Tara dropped to her knees in front of him, taking his hands into her own. She kept her voice even.

"It's okay Juice. You're having a panic attack. Breathe with me okay."

 

He listened to her voice, focused on Tigs hand at his back, slowly trying to pull him back into reality. Everything was going to be fine. He was a Son because he had already proved he should be. These people cared for him. Fillip promised to help him. O'Neal was no where around, he couldn't humiliate him, or force him to omit information. He wasn't here to hurt him because the dr was nice to him, thus making him suspicious. He tried to focus, he had to be Juice, strong, Juice not weak Juan.

 

His breathing settled, his head stopped spinning. He felt exhausted but he felt like he could sit with her now.

“I'm okay doc. I'm sorry. I don't know what triggered that." He tried to smile but he wasn't able to force it.

 

Tara simply stepped away from him to give him some space. She waited for a moment before she spoke again.

"Do you feel up to talking with me?" Her tone was more professional than personal now.

 

Juice nodded.

 

"I'll uh, show you to my room." He gestured, leading her down the hall.

 

Tig sighed, he'd never witnessed any of his breaks like that, though Chibs had told him about it happening once before. That was shortly after Juice came to them, he'd said the kid seemed troubled.

 

"Venus baby, that was intense. What just happened?" He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it a little in frustration before he slumped back down into his chair.

 

Tara sat in the hard desk chair in the corner of the room, while Juice occupied the bed. She watched his movements, observing his demeanor, appearance, the contents of the room in general. She sat with an arm draped casually over the back of the chair, her other hand with fingers intertwined, her body turned at an angle to face him but also be comfortable. Juice seemed a little more tense than usual, but considering the previous events, that was to be expected. His hands were clasped tightly between his knees, and his legs bounced anxiously.

 

"So Juice, what's been going on? Tig says you've fainted a few times?"

 

He nodded, trying to put together a coherent thought.

 

"Soo have you been having a lot of panic attacks lately?"

He shook his head no.

 

"But you've had them before? I noticed on your desk here you have some medication for anxiety."

 

He nodded, his mouth was so dry and he was so exhausted he was struggling to keep up. He kept his eyes focused on the floor, not wanting to look her in the eyes. He felt embarrassed that he had done that, what if she told Jax?

 

"Juice. Just so you know, doctor patient confidentiality applies here. You are currently my patient, nothing you tell me leaves this room unless you decide to share it. Do you understand?" Her voice was soft, she tried to convey concern for him.

 

He nodded. "Okay."

 

She sighed quietly, hoping he'd start talking.

"I'm going to check your blood pressure. Then I'm going to ask you some questions. You're going to have to speak to me for me to help you."

 

She stood, and showed him the cuff, trying not to spook him again.

"127/76, that's really great." She smiled.

"So when did you last faint?"

 

He cleared his throat. "When I last saw Chibs."

She scribbled on her note pad.

 

"And before that, would have been when Chibs called me?"

 

He only nodded.

 

"How are things going for you? I know there's been a lot of changes. The sheriff harassing you, the guys getting locked up, being assigned a guard essentially." She called Tig a guard like it sounded ridiculous to her, that she thought something was going on with him in the club. He figured it made sense, why else would they have had people taking shifts to sit with him, and then move him into Tigs house for basically twenty four hour surveillance?

He didn't like her referring to Tig with hostility though, he felt the need to correct that.

 

"I dont have a guard. I'm here because I asked. When the sheriff started coming around I was getting so nervous because of what he was up too. Then the guys got locked up and I was worried about being an easier target to Roosevelt. Chibs usually hangs out with me but with him gone I figured Roosevelt would swooping in and pin me with something. Tig has been great letting me crash here."

Tara cleared her throat, still apprehensive. "I didn't mean any offense Juice. Just that you've been dealing with some stressful stuff. Are you taking care of yourself? Eating properly, things like that?"

 

He nodded. Hell he didn't really have a choice, especially with Venus around. She'd hold him down and make him eat if he weren't eating, he was sure of it.

 

"Are you taking your medications like you're supposed too?"

He hesitated, about to say yes, then changed his mind.

"No. I mean I don't take them for fun exactly but sometimes I take more than I should have and it doesn't work out so well. I mean, my goal with that is trying to prevent a breakdown like what just happened, but a few times it's affected me negatively."

She scribbled more on her paper. "Do you still have an active substance abuse issue?"

 

His face dropped and he looked scared shaking his head no.

 

“Juice I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth. I know you’ve popped pills in the past, you smoke pot.”

 

He sat up a little straighter on the bed. “I don’t have a drug problem. I don’t take them wrong everyday. Sometimes I just get so nervous I have to take the edge off.”

 

She scribbled more on her note pad. “Juice. After seeing you this evening, know what I do know, and what you’ve shared, and the timing of the last episode I’m fairly confident what’s going on is something called vasovagal syncope.”

 

Juice nodded at her blankly, she was using doctor words and he was lost.

 

She chuckled at his expression and began to explain.

“Basically we faint when the brain isn’t getting the oxygen it needs. Sometimes from hyperventilating, not breathing, alcohol or drug abuse, low blood sugar, low blood pressure, just for example. When we experience emotional duress, or anxiety sometimes we unknowingly deprive our brains of oxygen and it restarts so to speak. Like a computer that’s lagging. Taking these benzos inappropriately could be an additional trigger but I think your primary source is anxiety. You need to be on a regimen that controls your responses a little better. Professionally I’m going to recommend that you seek out a therapist, just to talk too. I know the Sons frown upon that sort of thing but they wouldn’t have to know. I could also advocate for you. To be honest they could all probably use a therapist.” She laughed at her own joke trying to make him feel better.

 

“Do you have any questions?” He shook his head no.

 

Tara stood to leave. “If you think of any you know how to reach me. I’m going to write you a new script to try out. I don’t have my pad with me, so I’ll drop it by tomorrow. Is that okay?”

 

He nodded, walking her out down the hall.

 

“Thank you Tara. I appreciate you taking the time to come see me. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” He reached out to shake her hand, but she pulled him into a hug instead.

 

“Sometimes I wonder what you’re doing here.” She whispered into his ear, genuine confusion in her voice. He crinkled his forehead in confusion and concern. If she didn’t think he belonged, would she tell Jax?

 

They all said their goodbyes as she left. Tig and Venus looked at him expectantly, eyebrows arched, hands in their hips. The site would have made Juice laugh if he weren’t so exhausted.

 

“I’m fine. Promise. One of you want to tuck me in? I’m ready for bed.”

 

“Well King Juan Carlos has spoken I guess. Take your little butt own to bed. We’ll be in soon.” Venus quipped making them all laugh, but Juan did drag his feet down the hall to his room despite yawning dramatically.


	49. 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice finally goes back to the clubhouse after several weeks since his last time there. He’s glad to be back to it, especially after his meltdown.

Juice was up early the next morning, his cut felt heavy on his back now that he hadn't worn it in a while. After the day he'd had yesterday he felt like he needed it, it was his armor, he needed to feel normal again. He wrote a note for Tig to find next to the pot of coffee he'd made them, explaining he was going to the club house.

 

His bike rumbled beneath him, it was an amazing feeling being back on. He hadn't so much as left Tigs house without him in almost a month, and he hadn't been alone without a chaperone it seemed like since before Chibs got locked up. Jessie was coming into town tonight though and he wanted to be at the clubhouse when she got there, plus he had work to catch up on. He hadn't worked on hacking the RICO guys in a while and they still needed that information.

 

"Morning Juice!" Chucky called out from the kitchen as he strolled in. There were a few girls already there, or maybe they just hadn't left yet. The prospects were sloppy and always looking to party.

 

"Gemma in the garage yet?" Chucky nodded in response before going back to his cooking.

 

Juice made his way into the garage smiling when he saw Gemma. She was squinting at the computer screen, a pile of papers beside her.

 

"You need some help?" He offered happily.

 

Gemma looked almost startled as she looked up at him. "You better come give me a hug. I was getting worried about you." She squeezed him almost too tight.

 

"I'm fine mom. The sheriff hasn't been around for a while so I thought it might be safe for me to come out of hiding." She kissed his cheek and swatted his arm.

 

"Well there's plenty for you to do. Prospects suck at cars, the regular employees have been working over time to fill in for the guys." He kept smiling at her stupidly. "Well don't just stand there looking at me. Get to work." She laughed as she spoke, genuinely happy it was safe for him to be back.

"When will Tig be in?" She called over her shoulder as he walked away.

 

"Not sure, he was still asleep when I left." He shrugged.

 

He laid his cut over the back of a chair, took off his clean shirt and then pulled a work order on the first car. It was basic, just an oil change, check in on the rest of it. He popped the hood and got to work.

 

Sweat was rolling down his body, his tattoos seemed to shine against his skin from the amount of sweat covering his body. He'd moved on to his third car by now and it was proving much more difficult. Tig had come in without Juice noticing, he just watched him work for a while. Watching him like this, rippled body gleaming in the heat as his muscles strained against his skin while he was covered in grease, Tig understood what Chibs saw in the man. Tig himself wasn't particularly into men sexually so much, but Juice was a beautiful specimen if he were going to be. It was such a contrast seeing him here in his element versus the timid nervous kid he was looking after at home.

 

"You need a break man?" Tig called out, startling Juice, causing him to bang his head on the hood of the car.

 

"Ow! You didn't have to scare me you ass." He held his head but he was smiling so Tig didn't worry too much.

 

"What time did you get here?" Tig casually walked into the garage to meet him. One hand in his pocket the other holding his smoke. Juice shrugged, he really wasn't sure.

 

"What time is it now?" He asked seriously.

 

Tig looked at his watch. "Almost noon. I over slept. Gotten used to a certain someone waking me up in the morning being needy. Taking my cuddles from Venus like you do. You weren't there so instead I got shoved out of bed by a very confused Venus. Thankfully I saw your note before she panicked about you not being in your room." He threw his smoke and stepped on it.

 

"Sorry. I woke up early so I just came on. Felt good to ride again. Didn't actually know you were so dependent on me waking you up. Now that I know I'll make it a point to crawl into your bed every morning and annoy you till you give up and go make our coffee. Juice smirked proudly at his teasing Tig. Tig only nodded at him.

 

"What are you gonna do when I go back to my apartment and Chibs gets out man? You're gonna have to set an alarm again or get a dog or something." Juice reached into Tigs shirt pocket and nabbed his smokes, lighting himself one up.

 

"Chibs called this morning, while I was eating breakfast. Had an interesting conversation." He leaned up against the car beside Juice. He kept his voice low now, not wanting the nosy prospects in the garage repeating things they didn't understand.

 

"Oh. How'd that go?" Juice sounded nervous now instead of teasing attitude from previous. He went back to keeping himself busy with the car.

 

"You know, just went over some things I should know for helping you and such. I agreed with him."

He pulled his sunglasses down on his nose making Juice meet his eyes. Juice blushed a deep red and nodded.

 

"He also had some news from Lowel. Want me to tell you now or you want to wait till he's able to call again?"

 

Juice stood up straight now, hands on his hips fighting the urge to whine like a child. Tig noticed the way he was biting the inside of his mouth.

He picked up his T-shirt and tossed at him.

"Come on, let's go get you some lunch and we'll talk. Plus you walking around here half naked is drawing an audience." He gestured to all the sweet butts lingering inside the garage, looking him over. Juice blushed again, since this whole thing with Chibs started he hadn't even given the crow eaters a second look. He figured he'd need to attend the next party, and maybe make the effort to at least flirt, even if he had no intention of being with any of them.

 

Tig clapped him on the back of neck once he had his shirt on and led him towards the office.

 

"Gem, I'm stealing Juice for lunch." He kissed her cheek.

 

"Bring me back something alright boys?" They both nodded before heading across the lot. Juice was pulling his cut on when Tig got his attention again, a low almost growling sound coming from the man.

 

"You know leaving and not telling anyone really had us worried. That was a very naughty thing to do Juan  Carlos." Tig was only teasing but he saw the effect it had on Juice. His skin broke out in goosebumps and he shivered a little.

 

Now Juice felt like teasing back. He cocked his head to the side and grinned a coy smile. "I'm sorry Uncle Tiggy. I didn't mean to be a bad boy. I'll try real hard to be good." He pouted a little for effect.

 

Tig smacked him lightly on the back of the head laughing at him. "Get your punk ass on that bike and let's go." 

 

"When you gonna tell me what Lowel said?" He asked curiously.

 

"When we get to the diner. I'm hungry, come on now." Tig revved his engine and pulled out of the TM lot Juice right behind him.


	50. 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice is going to need Tig to be a little more dominate. Fillips firm confidence is what keeps Juan from spinning out of control. As much as Juice appreciates Tig and his way of doing things he can’t wait to be with Fillip again.

"Sooo you gonna tell me what she said? I need to know man. This can make or break my night." Juice fidgeted in the seat picking at his burger Tig ordered him. He tried to ignore the fact that it wasn't vegetarian, but he didn't want to complain.

 

"Something wrong with your food? You gotta eat man." Tig raised his brows at him, watching as Juice put a fry in his mouth. He shifted around in his seat for a bit and then he took a deep breath.

 

"Don't be mad?" Juice looked down at the table instead of at Tig. Tigs eyes softened, he reached over and lifted Juices chin enough to see him.

 

"Not mad. I can't help you if I don't know man." Tig let go and took a sip of his soda.

Juice inhaled again, as if he were about to say something really important.

"You got the regular burger for me and I don't eat them." He started off confidently and then started to back track. "It's okay though, I'll just eat it if that's what you want me to eat." He sounded panicked and apologetic in his rushed response.

 

Tig knew he must have looked mortified because he could feel his face drop and he couldn't make words for a second. He was just taken off guard by the response, he wasn't upset. He ran his fingers through his hair sighing, mostly at himself for being oblivious. He did forget when he ordered, he just ordered two of the same thing while Juice was in the bathroom.

 

"Awe dude. I'm sorry Juice, I didn't even think about it. You don't have to eat that, I know better. I'm not going to make you eat something you don't like, that's not how this works." He motioned for the waitress. He politely explained his own lapse in brain function and sent the food back. The waitress sighed but she understood, she accepted the plate and apologized.

 

Once he'd sent the food back to be replaced he watched as Juice relaxed a little more. He sipped his soda and stared at Tig expectantly.

 

"Okay so this is what Chibs told me. You remember that deal they were working on? Where some of the guys might get out sooner on lesser charges?"

 

Juice nodded, his heart was pounding.

 

"Well turns out they didn't have a warrant when they blew holes into the clubhouse, and there weren't active charges on any of the guys. She is getting the entire thing dropped on entrapment and false imprisonments this time. No one was doing anything illegal when they showed up. They have nothing Juicey. Nothing!"

 

Juice looked confused, he didn't understand what Tig was saying. He could hear the blood rushing through his veins and everything seemed far away.

 

"Are you listening Juice? Juan Carlos!" He snapped his fingers in front of his face trying to get his attention.

 

"I'm sorry Tig. They... what are... when..." he stumbled over his words until he just gave up.

 

"They've gotta process the paperwork, but the boys are coming home. Lowel said it could be before the end of the week. The judge has to sign off on everything."

 

"The end... the end of this week?" He sounded skeptical. "I had my hopes up for six months, they've barely done three. What if she's wrong?" He sighed. He didn't want to get excited and then be let down.

 

The waitress brought over his new burger, now he couldn't eat it either because he felt so nauseous. How could he eat? His head felt like it was spinning and his stomach churned.

 

"It's already in motion Juan. She's not wrong, alright. We have to tell the rest of the guys, so they can have an excuse to party." He joked but it seemed to fall flat. "Lowel will call us to let us know a release date."

 

Juan's eyes glazed over the way they had the night before. This time Tig noticed and jumped from his side of the booth to the other. He didn't pay any attention to the restaurant patrons looking their way, he just needed Juice to stay together while they were here. He figured, from everything Chibs had told him, he needed something to ground him. Right now the world probably felt like it was spinning out of control and Tig couldn't even begin to imagine what it felt like.

 

"Breathe Juan. Juan Carlos, breathe, everything is fine. Daddy is coming home. Uncle Tiggys got you okay. Everything is fine. Everything is fine." He spoke softly to him, trying to keep him present or at least keep him from fainting. It seemed to work because he melted a little into Tigs side. He looked exhausted as if sitting here had completely drained him.

 

"Can we go home Tig? I don't want to go to the clubhouse right now." He sounded so weak, like he was barely holding on to life somehow. Tig squeezed his shoulder and motioned for to go boxes.

 

"Come on man, can you ride? Let's go home for a bit." Juice nodded. He tried to shake the fog in his head. He was sure he could drive back to Tigs place, it wasn't far. He wanted to curl up, he wanted Frog, he wanted cuddles and he needed Daddy, someone dominate to put him together. He needed to not have control, he wasn't good when he was in control.

 

He just couldn't believe it, they'd be coming home. This was good news. This should be good, but it also brought a new stress. What would he do now with Tig and Venus? Would they just up and forget him now that they didn't have to take care of him anymore? He still wanted them, would Daddy be mad at him for that? So many thoughts were buzzing around his head he felt like nothing made sense and he was suddenly very tired.

 

"Let's go Juicey. Well take a rest and then go back to the clubhouse this evening if you're up to it."

 

He nodded but then he thought about the computers.

 

"Wait Tig, I have to work on the RICO accounts."

 

Tig shook his head no. "It can wait till later. Now come on, let's go."

 

Juice followed him out of the lot and onto the road. He shook his head, thinking to himself. Tig was going to have to tap into his dominance, Juice knew he was capable of it. He'd heard all the story's the crow eaters like to share. Sure Tig was doing great and all at being there and being helpful, but times like this really made him miss Fillip.


	51. 51

Tig let them into the house, scuffing his boots off at the door. Venus wasn't home, she was out at Diosa or doing something else she liked to do. Tig wasn't sure what, he didn't feel the need to keep tabs on her.

 

"Go lay down, you look exhausted. I'll come get you up in an hour and we can talk okay?" Tig shrugged off his cut and hung it on the coat rack. That was new, Venus had been making herself at home and Tig was happy. Hell he didn’t care if she painted the house pink as long as she was living with him in it. He felt the same way about Juice and Chibs, no matter what anyone in the club thought about them, they’d be alright as long as they had each other.

 

He watched as Juice made his way down the hall and into what had become his room. Once the door closed he plopped himself into his favorite chair.

 

He went over his conversation with Chibs over and over, but he couldn’t figure out where the line was. He didn’t want to cross a boundary, and now that Chibs was coming home what did that mean? Sure Juice needed a lot of things, one of them being guidance, and he really seemed to like it whenever someone was proud of him. But what, was Tig just supposed to go on and spank the boy just because he was all messed up inside? He wasn’t his dominant, he didn’t want to play a part he would also be giving up.

 

Juice was very submissive, even outside of their own private worlds. He was aware of the conversation Chibs has with Tig, he had seemed almost hopeful when Tig mentioned it. Tig thought about it all, he knew they had guidelines for their relationship, things they hadn’t done. He also knew Juice had been slowly unraveling, but every time he saw Chibs he seemed okay and then the spiral got bigger. The inconsistency wasn’t good for him, Tig slowly put it all together. Even when Chibs got back, Tig would still have to have a part in this. This life would separate them more often than any of them would like.

 

He figured if Chibs meant what he’d said, then he needed to stop being so soft with the boy. He was feeding off of Tigs uncertainty, even if the uncertainty was in trying not offend him. As far as the lifestyle went Tig definitely knew his way around, more so than Chibs. That’s why Chibs had come to him in the first place right? Tig decided then that for the next several days he’d keep a strict eye on Juice, keep him in line, reprimand infractions, stop letting things slide because the kid was upset. He’d have him on the straight on narrow when Chibs got back, for sure.

 

It was a good thought he figured, but Juice, he would definitely not make it easy. Tig looked at his watch, it had been an hour.

 

He softly tapped on the door before opening it, looking in at Juice curled up on the bed. He looked so calm, so sweet, nothing like the criminal they all were.

 

“Juice. It’s time to get up.” He shook him a little causing him to stir.

 

Juice stretched out on the bed, smiling up at Tig.

“Thanks for letting me take a nap. We going back to the clubhouse?” He yawned and stretched again before rolling off the bed.

 

Tig nodded. “Yeah in a bit. Want to talk to you first. Get yourself woken up good and meet me in the living room.” He turned and went back down the hall.

 

He was sitting in his chair again when Juice came into the room. He sat on the couch across from Tig and clapped his hands together before squeezing them between his knees.

“What’s up man?”

 

“So you know about the conversation I had with Chibs right?” Tig asked bluntly, never being one to sugar coat anything.

 

“Yeah. Is everything okay?” He sounded hesitant.

 

Tig nodded again. “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. If he’s coming home soon, I need to be who you need me to be. Keep you together till he gets here.”

 

Juice looked at him confused, forehead crinkling up.

“You’ve been doing fine Tig. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Really.”

 

Tig sighed. “Yeah but, I’ve been very careful. Now that some things have been made more clear to me I feel like somethings need to happen.”

 

Juice flushed, as Tig detailed to him what Chibs had told him. They went over what was okay, what wasn’t okay. What Juice wanted when Chibs got home. Hard limits, and needs.

 

“Alright then, just know that I’m probably stricter than your daddy is. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about this before. In fairness I want you to know that I’ve done this before, I’veworked with several subs over the years. I enjoy it, a lot. Situations have been both sexual and not, this is aiming more towards not. I will not under any circumstances disrespect your dom, I am not a replacement. I am a temporary dominant, you agree to obey and work within the confines of this arrangement?” Tig was very serious, he made goosebumps pop up all over Juices skin.

 

That deep burning inside of Juice was lit up, almost as hot as it got when he was with Daddy.

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“You understand that when Daddy gets back, our arrangement will end, unless we discuss it further with your dominant? That decision is primarily yours. He will not decide for you.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Great. Then tonight we will go over a few basic stances that would be good for you to know. Will save him some time, he mentioned you hadn’t had time to get to it before he got taken in. These are things I’ve already gotten the okay for, so as long as you’re comfortable.”

 

Juice nodded enthusiastically.

“Words Juice. I do require a verbal answer. I understand per your Daddy that in little space you’re mostly non-verbal. Anytime outside of that, I will need a verbal response. Do you understand this?”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

Tig stood up and walked past him. Just from their conversation he seemed to calm down considerably. The boy may be a submissive, but one thing Tig had learned, he was far from weak. Having one of them with him just might make him a stronger Son.

 

“If you don’t have any questions, grab your cut. Let’s get back to the clubhouse.”

 

Juice grabbed his cut, still a little dumbfounded at what just happened. Sure it may only be a few days, but it was a few days that would be exciting. He hoped the chaos inside his head would calm down also, Tig being in charge, for real, meant he didn’t have to be. Everything seemed manageable that way.


	52. 52

"Shit! Tig, we didn't get Gemma anything." Juice shouted when they were next to one another at a red light. Tig chucked his smoke shaking his head.

 

"It's been three hours man, she knows we ain't bringing anything. She's probably worried about you though. You know how she gets."  Tig kicked off as the light turned green.

 

Some of the guys were sitting around on the picnic tables outside smoking when they pulled back up.

Gemma was standing with her hands on her hips, sunglasses pushed into her hair, smirking at them.

 

"You fuckers didn't bring me food. Had to send a prospect to get lunch so I wouldn't starve to death." She teased. Tig kissed her on the cheek, apologizing.

 

"Got caught up, sorry Gem."

 

She rolled her eyes. "Do I even want to know?"

 

Tig didn't answer, just walked on into the clubhouse, Juice right behind him. He looked around for a bit, taken back by the loud absence of his brothers. He sighed, rubbing his hands down his face.

 

"Alright Juice, you do whatever it is you do on the computer. I'm gonna go help out in the garage. We'll head back about six."

 

Juice nodded, starting to turn to leave when he heard Tig clear his throat. He stiffened, thinking quickly about what Tig could be waiting for. Then it hit him, no one was near them at the moment. This game they were playing didn't just stop and start on a whim. He felt the hairs on his neck raise, turning to look at Tig over his shoulder.

 

"Yes sir."

 

Tig nodded, and proceeded to leave the room.

 

Besides handing over his control one other thing made him feel calm and grounded. Hacking, hacking was his thing. His fingers would fly over the keyboard, he'd loose himself in webs of IP addresses and digital back doors. He'd been working on this for what seemed like months, and the only thing he'd done successfully was pin Clay with the breech.

 

He was lost in his own world, unaware of the time or that some of the others were watching him with intrigue. He'd gotten past so many firewalls and roadblocks tonight it didn't seem real. Here he was, in the main database for the RICO case. All he had to do now was figure out how to get past the encryptions and sneak into the files.

 

He sat hunched over, squinting intensely at the screen, thinking of an override code, trying to walk through the front door so to speak. He wanted to make it look like he was someone on the inside, in the event that **A** : their tech crew noticed him, and **B** : he'd have less of a trail to clean up.

 

Everyone was holding their breath with him, waiting to see his reaction to whatever he was doing. The screen went black for a second and then log back up red. At first Juice was shocked, thinking he'd been caught, he started to panic inside, but as the screen cleared he was in.

 

"YES! FUCK YEAH BABY!" He shouted, jumping up from his seat. Everyone else exclaimed with him, some from being startled, some from sharing in his excitement despite being completely clueless. His face turned bright red, and his demeanor was way less confident, more clumsy as his usual upon noticing the eyes on him.

 

"Well what is it Juice?" Tig asked curiously.

 

Juice looked at him, smiling proudly. He couldn't help it, he was proud. He'd been working on this for months after all. Tig came and sat beside him on the sofa.

 

"I got in. I'm in the system. All the files are right here man. Not just us, but so many other organizations. Dude they are mapping us out, looks like they're pinning some of us against each other. Trying to see who is working with who, ya know? There's so much shit here! I could wipe it all. I mean it would be safer to just tinker with it but I want to wipe it all!" He made a sound that almost sounded like and evil laugh.

 

Tig patted his back. "Good work Juice. Good work. You've done good." The way the boy lit up from his genuine praise made his heart melt a little.

 

"Tig man, I know you wanted to leave at six. Now that I'm in, I can't just leave it. It's too risky for everyone. It's almost six though. If you want to go that's fine, I'll be fine here with everyone." He was really hoping Tig wouldn't choose now to be an ass and abuse the power he'd given him. This was the club on the line and he'd be blamed for any backlash.

 

Tig squeezed his shoulder. "It's fine brother. I'll just hang out. You've done a great thing for us all. I'll be at the bar when you finish up alright?"

 

Juice tried to work as quickly as he could. Removing charges, intel connecting them to certain people, connecting some other people in their place. By the time he was done, the Sons were just involved by association, not by crimes. Of course he couldn't make them look like saints, that would be too obvious, but they wouldn't be going down for the bigger picture these guys were working on.

 

It was pushing eight when he closed his computer. He rubbed his eyes, they were hurting a little, his body felt stiff as he stood and stretched. The nightly party had seemed to have started, he didn't know when. There were a few girls, the guys were drinking, no one was getting crazy, it was just a typical night.

 

Tig sat at the bar talking to Chucky, nursing his whisky neat. Juice could tell by his overly relaxed demeanor he’d have to call Venus to come get him. There was no way he could ride, and he didn’t want to drive the van.

 

“Auntie Venus?” He spoke as sweetly as he could.

 

“Hey baby, what is it?” Ah sounded concerned, which was fair. Juice never called, so there had to be a reason.

 

“Gonna need you to come pick up Uncle Tiggy. He can’t ride.”

 

Venus groaned a little, but she didn’t mind. “Alright sweetheart. Let me throw on something. I already put my hair in my curlers for the evening and took my face off. I am not getting out of the car. You have him ready, I’ll call when I get there.” She didn’t sound annoyed, more amused than anything.

He was pulling Tig up to leave when he heard Jessie’s voice.

 

“Juice! I’m so glad you’re here! I tried to call you to see if you’d be here tonight but you didn’t answer.” She ran up to him, raising a brow at Tig.

 

“Need some help with that?” She offered jokingly.

 

“Nah, I got him. Venus is coming to get him. I’m heading out soon, you want to come back to their place with me? I’ve been crashing there.” He was grunting as he spoke, fighting with a tipsy noodle legged Tig.

 

“Yeah, sure. If you don’t think they will mind.” She grinned at him, just happy to see him. He seemed happy, and healthy, he seemed okay. Which was more than she could say about the last time he saw her.

 

“I’ll double check with Venus if it will make you feel better. Or we can go hang out at my place. Either way, I’m responsible for the big lump at the moment.” He was teasing but serious. If Venus didn’t want company, as was her right and Juice would totally understand given the circumstance, he could go to his own house. He wasn’t a prisoner, he was an adult man.

 

His phone rang, it was Venus.

 

“Hey Venus, I’m dragging him out. Question...” He waited for Venus to respond. “Jessie is here. Do you mind if she comes over for a bit? If so it’s alright, I understand. We can go hang out at my place tonight.”

 

Venus tossed it around for a moment before deciding. “If she doesn’t mind my five o’clock shadow I’m not covering up in my own house tonight, then I don’t mind at all. I don’t need to be concerned about this girl do I?”

 

Juice laughed. “No! Venus, it’s not even like that. I don’t think she’s gonna mind that you’re in your night gown.” He teased her back now, feeling light.

 

“Alright, well get Tiger out here. When are you heading in? I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”

Juice hadn’t thought of that as an option. He figured if Tig was leaving, then he was leaving. He didn’t feel like drinking anyway. Plus in an hour or so Tig would be a lot less tipsy, and they had plans he was looking forward too.

 

“I’m coming on now.” He hung up the phone.

 

“Come on Tiggy, Venus is here for you.” He was laughing too hard to speak clearly. When Tig got tipsy he got silly, and lovey. He’d hugged all the guys there while Juice had been on the phone, even Chucky. Now he was trying to get Phil to dance with him, Phil was having none of it.

 

Finally he swayed him to the car, he greeted Venus with apologetic eyes.

“He’s on fire tonight Venus. Sorry bout that. Guess he got bored waiting for me.” He dropped him in the passenger seat and closed the door.

 

“I’m right behind you.” He slapped the hood of the car and walked towards his bike, Jessie following behind him.

 

“I’ll meet you there then?” She asked. Juice nodded and mounted his bike.


	53. 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tig and Juice finally get some serious time together.

* * *

Jessie sat on the floor with Juice in the living room. They'd decided to play a silly game of slapjack. Their giggles and chatter made Tigs house feel warm, he sat in comfortable silence watching them and listening.Venus had already gone back to bed leaving them to whatever Tig had planned for them later.

 

Juice had his back against the side of the recliner that Tig sat in. He leaned against the chair for comfort both in physical support and being close to Tig.

 

"You ass! You slapped me not the card!" Jessie laughed, pulling her hand back. 

 

"You weren't fast enough." His big smile reached his eyes. Tig dipped his hand and rubbed his finger tips in circles around the base of his neck. The affection caused goosebumps to raise over his body.

 

They were quiet for a moment before she spoke again.

"Heard any more from the sheriff?"

 

Juice shook his head no. "Thank God." He sighed.

 

He sat down the cards now so they could really talk.

"What about the guys? How's everything with them?"

 

Juice tended a little and swallowed. "Good. Got some good news. I can't share it though because it's not air tight."

 

"That's good though. I talked to my man yesterday. His unit will be coming home in a few months. He can't wait to meet you."

 

Juice grinned widely, shuffling around to sit in front of Tigs chair instead of beside it. He wasn't too worried about be super discreet with Jessie around. Their late night chats had led to many conversations about what he was up too. She knew that he was into both men and women, she just didn't know so far who. He hadn't detailed to her yet who he was dating, but given the things he talked about usually he was almost certain she'd figured it out.

 

Jessie wasn't new to the club after all, she knew all the guys fairly well save for the newer ones. She knew that Tig and Venus were watching out for him, she'd since learned it was about more than the sheriff. Juice just wasn't good on his own. She understood, she didn't like being alone either, and she too had to spend a lot of time alone since the deployment.

 

The time had flown by since they'd gotten home, it was now pushing 10:30.Juice was having fun but he excited about Tigs plan for the night, especially since it fell in line with what Daddy wanted. He was getting worried it would be too late. He fidgeted a little, shifting his feet around, nudging back to see if Tig was still there.

 

As if Tig has read his mind he patted Juice on the head. "Think it's about time to turn in. We've gotta be at the shop early tomorrow, make up for the time we lost today."

 

A chill went up his spine at the time of Tigs voice. Juice nodded, Jessie sat her cards down, looking at her watch. “Shit! It's later than I thought. I definitely need to run." She stood up from her place on the floor. "Thank you for having me over. Call me tomorrow Juice?" She grabbed her bag, and turned to leave. "See ya later Tig!"

 

Once she'd gone, Juice leaned into Tigs legs, laying his head on his thigh. Tig scratched the nape of his neck soothingly. "You still up for tonight or are you tired?" Tig kept his voice soft.

 

Juice sat up to look at him. "I'm up for it. Please?" His big brown eyes spoke volumes more than the words he said. He was already slipping into his submissive role. Tig rubbed his fingers over the boys scalp, helping him sink further into his role.

 

"You aren't slipping into little space are you?" Tig didn't want to discourage him if he did, but he couldn't continue further with the original plan if he did.

 

Juice picked his head back up, thinking over the things he'd learned from browsing online and his few trips to the clubs. He drew himself up onto his knees, in what he hoped was a more submissive stance, he did meet Tig eyes even though the internet told him not too.

"No sir. I'm not small."

He wanted to confirm for Tig.

 

Tig cleared his throat, petting Juices head.

"Which name do you prefer for scene play, or when you're in a submissive role?"

Tig wanted to double check. He was fairly certain per their conversation that he was Juan Carlos specifically when he was small, but the difference between Juice and Juan was a harder line to determine.

 

"Daddy calls me Juan Carlos when I'm small, and Juan any other time it's just the two of us. Whatever you're comfortable with is fine though." He shrugged, not really sure.

 

"Okay. Well we will go with Juan for consistency. Remember your colors?"

 

Juan swallowed and nodded. "Red, yellow and green."

 

Tig nodded, he was sure they wouldn't need them for tonight but he wanted to make sure Juan knew he could stop anything at anytime.

 

Slowly Tig stood up, moving around the boy on the floor. Juan didn't move to stand, which was quit pleasing to Tig. He at least seemed to know that much, staying until called.

 

Tig stood in the center of the room and called Juan over to him. Juan slowly stood up and met him, trying not to fidget nervously.

 

"I'm going to explain how and when you should kneel."

He could see Juan holding onto every word he said, he was so trusting. So easily, Tig could see how this man could be manipulated and shaken up by a dirty cop, a bad person, hell even himself, though he would never abuse this given authority that way.

He went through his explanation, helping Juan position himself in a way he liked.

 

"Keep your shoulders and back straight, keep your palms upwards on your thighs so I can see them. If it's more comfortable cross your ankles.” He backed away from him so he could look him over.

Juice liked how it felt to be kneeling in front of him. He could feel his eyes on him, taking in how he looked. He felt like Tig was really in charge, he shivered involuntarily waiting for Tig to speak again.

 

“Now if you're waiting for instructions, if you want to initiate scene play, if you just need the submission, this is how you can express those things for me. You will also kneel when presenting items. This is my expectation, as well as Daddy's. If you forget or are unsure it's okay. No punishments when you ask. If you don't ask and you've been given an order you will be punished for disrespect." He arched his brow, watching as Juan settled into then position. Shifting his legs around to see what was most comfortable for him.

 

Juan wasn't sure what to do with his hands, he couldn't remember what Tig had said. He tried to think and then he sighed. He couldn’t meet his eyes when he spoke, his body was flushed and he was already getting a little aroused despite his efforts not too.

"Sir?" He peeped, gaining the others direct attention.

 

"Can you remind me what to do with my hands? P-please." He had to clear his throat, his mouth felt dry and he was radiating nervous energy despite his lack of fear. Tig smiled at him and re-explained. He was going to explain different hand positions but he thought better of it for now.

 

"Good boy." He praised when Juan finally situated correctly. The boy seemed to thrive on the praise, he was starved for it.

 

"We only have one more to go over for tonight. I don't want to over load you. Stand up for me?" Tig waited for him to get to his feet. His calves felt a little tingly, his short time in the position had his legs falling asleep.

"Legs okay? Feel like pins and needles?" Tig questioned gently, kneeling down beside him to rub the circulation back into them.

 

"Tingles Sir." His cheeks flushed from the contact and Tig kneeling beside him. Even knelt there he didn’t look at all submissive. Juan figured Daddy wouldn’t either, they just looked like they were in charge. Juan groaned at himself, mostly amused, he was so much a sub he couldn’t even feel dominant standing up. He wasn’t upset by this revelation.

 

"It will get better as you do it more and figure out what's more comfortable long term.” Tig stood up and looked over him again.

“So, for standing commands, various presentations, things of that nature. It's fairly similar, keep your posture straight, don't lock your knees." He gently patted the back of Juan's knees getting him to loosen up a little. "Keep your arms by your side, don’t shrink into yourself or try to hide yourself with your arms, keep your head up." He gave him a moment to settle, get a feel for it.

 

"This serves many purposes, same as kneeling. Often times you'll assume this stance if you're asked to present, -for now Tig left out the naked part. His Daddy could go into that for him- when addressing us or being addressed and kneeling is not possible. More often than not you'll kneel though. Your submissive role is to stay lower than myself or Daddy. This is to help you get into subspace, separate your other life from this one, display nonverbal consent. If you've gotten into a kneeling position I will take that as consent for activities. Of course that's within the boundaries and limits we've discussed. Understood?"

 

Juan looked over to where Tig had moved. "Yes sir."

 

Tig wanted to do so many things but they were not within his duty. He had to maintain an almost professional facade for this endeavor so as not to cross any lines. He put his hands in his pockets, smirking mischievously, the ideas shining in his eyes.

 

"So about your naughty behavior. What should we do about that?" He mused.

 

Juan snapped to attention where he had otherwise relaxed. His heart started thumping rapidly, he tried to will himself to speak, express what he wanted to have happen.

 

"Sp-spank me? Need it." He spoke softly, using short sentences to get out just what he needed.

 

Tig approached him slowly, momentarily snapping out of character and embracing concern. "Are you sure? We don't have to tonight."

 

Juan met his eyes in understanding. He knew he didn't have too, he wanted too. He needed too. The time he'd spent with Daddy was wearing off and he had been naughty after all. He needed Tig to do this, establish their roles prominently, eliminating any doubt.

 

"Yes sir. 'M sure."

 

Tig swallowed. This was moving along better than he anticipated originally. He hadn't thought Juice would just willingly let the other man do this, but here he was, asking for it.

 

“Go into the kitchen, look on the counter in that bowl thing. There is a bamboo spoon, get it. Bring it to me.” Tig kept his voice firm, his eyes locking with Juan’s.

 

Juan all but jumped out of place and quickly walked to the kitchen. His heart was pounding, so far Daddy had only used his hand. He wasn’t scared, he was excited, he wasn’t sure what Tig would be like but he wanted to find out. If anything he knew his head would feel more right afterwards even if he had been naughty.


	54. 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice gets what he needs and Tig has to confront his own desires.

Juan quickly found the wooden spoon Tig had requested, it looked more intimidating than he'd pictured in his mind. His pulse increased a little more the closer to the other room he got. He swallowed nervously as he lingered in the doorway to the living room, his mind was racing with everything Tig had told him.

 

He slowly let his eyes scan the room settling on Tig. He was sitting in his recliner now, watching him back. Juan took a minute to collect himself, Tig gave him his time. This was their first scene together, Tig didn't want to rush him, it was important that Juan understood he had control over the situation.

 

He took a deep breath and started his walk across the room. It was only a few steps to where Tig sat but it seemed like a mile. Tig sat relaxed, his hands clasped together resting on his lap. He could see the tension in Juan's body as he walked across the floor.

 

Juan felt ridiculous being so nervous, he didn't know why he was so worked up. He stood in front of Tig nervously fidgeting for a moment. Tig let him go through the motions, giving him time to think and adjust.

"Breathe Juan." He spoke softly. Juan swallowed and nodded taking a deep breath.

He slowly sank to his knees to kneel in front of the other man. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands since he was holding the spoon, he just held it up for him. He kept his gaze on the floor, he was too nervous and embarrassed to look him in the eyes.

 

Tig gently reached out resting his hand on the side of Juan's head. He could feel the shudders that were rippling through the boy. He decided to take pity on him stopping the build up, he didn't want his anxiety to have him back out now.

 

"Juan?"

He took the spoon from his hand, watching Juan's responses. The boy relaxed significantly just from not having control over the instrument any more.

 

"This is what's going to happen. You're going to stand up and pull your pants and underwear down. Just as much as you're comfortable with. I can take care of the rest need be. Once you're adjusted you'll place your palms flat on the end table."

 

Juan nodded slightly, his eyes darted around the room finding the table. It wasn't low to the ground but in order to put his hands flat on it, he'd be bent slightly at the waist. He knew that was the point, so his backside would be prominently displayed. He did feel more comfortable knowing that he wouldn't be laying over Tigs lap, he would only lay over Daddy's lap. Unless of course daddy decided otherwise, but for now that was an intimacy he preferred to save.

 

"I'm not going to be harsh, but strict. I understand why you've made the decisions you made, and I forgive you for them. I am taking the responsibility of the situation away from you and putting it on myself Juan. Do you understand?"

 

Juan already felt like he was going to cry and nothing had happened yet. He did know deep inside that Tig wouldn't have punished him at all for running away because of the situation but he needed it. The fact that Tig knew what he needed and was willingly giving it to him made everything in the world seem almost okay again. He still wasn't Daddy but he was trying, his efforts were not lost on Juan.

 

"Yes sir." He whispered. The longer it took the more his thoughts raced inside his head. His cock betrayed him as it usually did, and he'd been aroused since he first knelt on the floor. He knew there was no chance he wouldn't end up with a full erection, a dull ache in his groin and a stinging ass by the end of this ordeal. Internally he accepted it as part of his punishment. He was nervous about what Tig would think or do about it though. They wouldn't share any sexual experiences together, would Tig be uncomfortable with his lack of bodily control? Would he tease him about it? The embarrassment of it would be worse than the spanking.

 

"I'm only going to give you twenty. I think you've punished yourself plenty otherwise." Tig tapped the side of his own head, gesturing that he knew Juan was mentally beating himself up about the entire situation.

"Go ahead and stand up, get into position." Tig stood from his chair as well. Juan swallowed hard, slowly pulling himself up from the floor.

 

His fingers trembled as he fumbled with the buttons and the zipper. He was glad he didn't have to pull his jeans all the way off, he just shimmied them down in the back, letting them rest on his thighs. As he bent over the table he widened his stance to keep them from falling further to the ground. Tig allowed the variation in his posture, despite it being different than his typical preference.

 

He got himself situated, focusing on his breathing, he let his head hang between his arms.

 

Tig gently rubbed his back, comforting him before they got started.

"You do not have to count out loud for me. I just want you to focus on what you feel. Alright."

 

"Yes sir." Juan sighed his response. He was wound up like his windup truck, only his cord felt like it was about to snap.

 

The first smack made a loud pop as it connected with his skin. He heard the impact before he felt it, but the sting soon set in. Quickly the spoon came down again, not giving him time to recoil from the first one. The other cheek stung more than the first one, it seemed each additional blow hurt a little more than the last. He was gritting his teeth and breathing through them, it hurt, more than Daddy's hand did, Tig was faster also. He felt himself coming undone though, the tension he walked around with was melting off of him with each strike.

 

Once Tig got to ten he gently rubbed the area and his back.

"You're doing so good Juan. Just let go, you're still a little tense. I'm here with you okay." He soothed, feeling it necessary to assure him that he was doing this with him, not just to him. The praise seemed to go right to Juan's cock though, he felt it give a small twitch as Tig spoke. He missed Daddy's lap even more now, at least then he could get some friction but not like this.He could feel the weight of his erection between his spread legs, the sensation turned him on more. He let out a groan of frustration earning a quiet chuckle from Tig.

 

The spoon came back down, the sting felt more intense after the short break. Tig may not be giving it his full force, but Juan was convinced if he had to take more than twenty he'd never make it. He could literally feel the moment the coil inside him snapped, he felt like he was watching himself. Tears rolled silently down his cheeks, but he didn't tense anymore in between blows. Everything inside of him went lax, his thoughts went blank the only thing he could do was be in the moment. It wasn't far off from the experience he'd had with Daddy, when he felt like he was floating.

 

Just as soon as the euphoria started the stinging seemed to abruptly stop. Juan was almost disappointed, he didn't want the feeling he had now to leave. Tig sat the spoon beside his hands, he gave him a moment to come back to himself. A few minutes passed and Juan hadn't really moved, Tig touched his shoulder gently.

"We're finished Juan. Stand up please." He placed his hand on the small of back, gently pulling him upright.

 

Juan's eyes were glazed over, tears stained his cheeks, his body was languid. Tig grinned at himself, the lad looked high as a kite on Sunday. Tig carefully adjusted Juan's jeans, he made a point not to touch his swollen cock, in an attempt not to make it worse and to maintain respect of their agreement. Much to Juan's surprise and relief he didn't mention or pay any special attention to his obviously desperate member. Once he had everything put back together Tig patted him on the arm.

 

"Come on Juan, lets get you cleaned up and ready for bed."

 

Juan blinked sleepily watching Tig as he started to leave the room. Juan couldn't quite get his legs to work, it took him a minute but eventually made it to catch up with Tig. His body felt exhausted like he'd just done a full body work out, but inside he felt calm. A calmness he hadn't felt in very long time.

 

Tig helped him get undressed back down to his boxers and then wiped his upper body down with a cool damp washcloth. The boy was radiating heat like a furnace and the sheen of sweat was further proof of the exertion their scene had put him through. Regardless of how simple it had been, Juan or Juan's body had responded very enthusiastically.

 

He cleaned his face, being as gentle as he could wiping away the tears and soothing his reddened eyes. Speaking calmly to Juan, he gave him words of praise for how well he'd done. Once they'd finished up he took his hand and led him to his bed.

"Get comfortable, I'm going to get you something to drink and a snack. Stay awake till I get back." He turned on the fan in the room before leaving.

 

Juan snuggled down in the sheets, he wanted to get a full shower but he didn't think that was going to happen tonight. The contrasts in Tigs behavior were comforting to him, it was easy to recognize each situation. He enjoyed that he was able to just let go the way he had. With Daddy they were still learning each other, gaging appropriate behavior hadn't been this easy yet. He made a point to store that information for a later time. He lay on the bed relishing in the feelings of his body, all of his senses felt like they were lit up. He felt like some weird version of the operation game kids play, electric currents were buzzing through his body.

 

He hadn't even noticed when Tig reentered the room until he sat on the bed beside him.

 

"Here you go Juan. Sit up for me and have a snack alright?" He shifted to help him into a sitting position.

"I'm going to lay with you for a bit. I don't want you to drop alone."

 

Juan's brow crinkled in confusion, what was he going to drop?

 

Tig chuckled at his expression, before continuing.

 

"For starters Juan, after care is the most important part. That aside, you, sweet boy seem to have slipped  into sub space. Your endorphins are running rampant and when they calm down it's something called a subdrop."

Even though Tig hadn't expected him to go into subspace like this really and usually would have put forth effort in preventing it during a punishment, he was pleased that Juan had let go. It meant he trusted him, ultimately he trusted Daddy's decision to let him do this.

 

Juan made a noise of understanding, finished chewing the cracker in his mouth and handed Tig the plate. He made grabby hands for his cup of soda, taking a big gulp he handed it back to Tig. His bottom was stinging against the mattress, the feeling keeping him grounded. He snuggled into Tigs side his eyes seeming much more intent on closing than he wanted them to be.

 

Tig soothed him, rubbing circles on his arm as he held him close. "It's alright sweetheart, go to sleep. You need the rest. I'll be right here with you." He pressed a kiss to his temple.

 

"You did so good Juan."

 

Juan was silent, his breathing had evened out signaling to Tig he'd gone to sleep. He slowly removed himself from his body to get himself ready for bed. He wasn't sure what tomorrow would be like but he felt like he had a better grip on their situation. His own heart sank a little bit as thoughts of this ending flashed through his mind.

 

Chibs would be home soon, even if he didn't come home this week, he would be eventually. Tig knew he wasn't supposed to get attached, he was supposed to remain objective and professional about their situation. Over the past three months their dynamics had changed so much. He started out watching out for Juice, then had the kid living with him full time before becoming Juan's caregiver and surrogate dominate. He'd spent more time with him at this point than Chibs had, it just didn't seem fair to have to give it up. He tried to shake the thoughts from his mind as he slipped back into the bed next to Juan. Ultimately he wasn't doing this for himself, he was doing this for Juan.


	55. 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of what feels like a mostly normal morning to the little family. Venus is always the voice of reason and keeps her man in line.

"I hope you weren't too hard on him Alexander. He's still rather new to this ya know."

Venus perched a hand on her hip the other hand waving a similar wooden spoon at him authoritarianly. Tig sipped his black coffee, listening to her chastise him. He knew he'd lose no matter what, Venus was just soft for the man. Juice could have broken her finest China and she would have hugged him until he told her why.

"What are you shaking your head at? I mean it Tiger. He's sensitive and he needs loving reassurance not corporal punishment." She turned back to her breakfast fry.

"Baby, I promise I didn't do anything he didn't agree too. We discussed everything before hand and actually I wasn't going to spank him at all, he asked to be punished."

He grinned at her making sure he got his point across. He had talked to her prior to discussing anything with Juice, he found her protective nature cute.

She sighed smiling at him. "I know, I just don't have it in me. He's lucky to have you to fill that void for him till Chibs get back. He's just... so sweet." She giggled now.

Tig nodded in agreement. "He is sweet. Sometimes I wonder what brought him to the club in the first place. There's a darkness there, surrounded by his innocence."

Venus pulled up a chair beside him at the table now, letting her meal simmer. She rested one hand on his arm, enjoying the momentary silence.

Juice slowly sat up on the bed, rubbing his eyes trying to wake up. He felt good today, his ass was a little sore but he liked the feeling. Begrudgingly he pulled himself from the bed, he had an early day at the shop today.

The smell of breakfast caught his attention as he made his way down the hall to the bathroom.

I'm just gonna brush my teeth, jerk one out and shower off real quick. Definitely should have time for breakfast if I'm fast.

He grinned at his reflection in the mirror, his color looked better today, he hadn't realized he'd looked a little sickly until he noticed he looked better.

The chaos from the club and Chibs being gone was really doing a number on him. He felt tired a lot, but he understood Tara when she said his anxiety could cause that. Today he had his first visit with the therapist she had set up for him. He was nervous about that, he knew he couldn't be completely honest with the person because of club business but he could be personal.

He tried to shake his worrying thoughts from his mind as he stepped into the hot shower. He did let his mind wonder though, over the previous night, the conjugal room with Fillip, things they hadn't done yet but he wanted. It didn't take much for his cock to get hard, he anticipated it wouldn't take much for him to finish either.

His fist gripped the velvety skin of his shaft, he rested his head against the shower wall enjoying the feeling. He started with a slow pace, teasing himself up a little, his other hand gently teased his balls. Quiet moans escaped him as the pace increased.

N _aughty lad, daddy didn't tell ye to touch yerself._

He filled in a monologue for himself, getting him that much closer to release.

 _Juan, what will daddy say when I tell him what you were doing in the shower?_ He heard Tigs voice in his mind.

_I'm a naughty boy, Uncle Tiggy. Please don't tell Daddy, he won't let me cum next time he fucks me._

His body was stiffening from the pleasure pulsing through him. One hand trailed from his sack towards his hole. He took a deep breath letting himself conquer a small fear. One finger traced his hole, he bit back a moan at the pressure as he pressed against himself. He didn't want to penetrate, but he did want to feel something there, he kept teasing himself gasping at every new pressure he gave himself.

The rhythm he'd fallen into was quickly bringing him to the edge. He imagined Tigs face teasing him about telling Daddy, but making him finish anyway. He craved the punishment he'd get for being this kind of naughty, so much so, a part of him wanted to get caught. Flashes of Chibs’ menacing grin and dark eyes went through his mind as the man reprimanded him.

_Yer gonneh take my cock lad, gonneh fill ye up wit my cum and leave yer greedy cock neglected. Maybe ye will think next time before ye take whas mine mmm?_

He moaned out loud, louder than he'd meant too as his body jerked involuntarily, streams of cum splashing the shower curtain. He shuddered at the ripples of pleasure that continued washing over him as he came down from his orgasmic high.

 

Loud banging on the bathroom door brought his blissful moment crashing down. His already speeding heart beat even faster, momentary panic flooded him. He heard Tig grumbling on the other side of the door before yelling. He sighed in relief that it was only Tig, but embarrassment replaced the fear. He was sure the man would have heard him, though like last night he was certain the man wasn’t going to bring it up. Hopefully.

"Juicey! Get your ass out of the shower. We gotta get moving." He shouted though he didn't sound angry.

"Be out soon!" He called back, his body slumped against the shower wall. He quickly washed his body, thankful for his lack of hair as he could just rub his sponge over his head. He laughed at himself as he stepped out of the shower, he felt slightly ridiculous for his mental dialogue, he figured he'd keep that to himself for now.

 

"Well it's about time Juan Carlos... was about to call the fire marshal to break the door down!"

Venus chastised playfully as she loaded up a plate for him. Her eyes danced over him quickly, as she evaluated how he looked this morning. Satisfied Tig must not have hurt him too much she moved her gaze to the table. She sat down his plate and filled up a cup with orange juice for him before she continued.

"Eat up quick you two have to get in early today. Don't forget your appointment this afternoon. If you don't want to go alone, I'm happy to tag along for the ride."

He immediately started shoveling food into his mouth. He was starving, and in a hurry, which was unfortunate because he was certain this was a very good breakfast.

"Yes ma'am. This is amazing, thank you Venus." He spoke quietly, unable to keep his grin from coming through.

“I'm going to try to go by myself, but I have you and Tiggy on quick call if I need you. As well as the prospect, and Okie, as per your request. You worry more than I do ya know."

He giggled because she looked every bit like a southern mother about to put the fear of Jesus into her unruly child. He knew she was looking at him that way on purpose and it was all in good fun, given her tight lipped smirk she too was trying to fight.

Tigs heavy footsteps came up behind him, Juice was glad he wasn't a quiet walker. He would have jumped out of his chair had the man snuck on him the way he just had.

"You bout ready? I'm gonna head on, see you there soon?" He tilted his head towards Juice with raised brows.

Juice swallowed some of the eggs in his mouth, nodding.

"Yep. Right behind ya!" He smiled with his mouth full, making Tig gag in disgust.

"Don't talk with your mouth full! You fucking baboon." He kissed Venus on the cheek.

"You gonna be at Diosa later?"

"Mmhm. You gonna come by trying to get a free show?"

She teased him, making Juice laugh at the blush that spread across Tigs face. Venus patted Tigs cheek affectionately.

"Yes baby I'm working today. You both can call if you need me though. Love you boys."

Juice crammed a piece of toast into his mouth before he copied Tig. He gently kissed Venus on the cheek, took a big sip of his orange juice and grabbed his cut off the back of the chair.

"Love you Auntie Venus!" He quipped following Tig out of the front door.

Venus shook her head in amusement, maybe Tig was right. Juan knew what he needed and he did seem much more chipper than he had. Whatever they were all getting themselves into she saw the beauty in it. She was going to miss mornings like this.


	56. 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opie wants to try to be a better friend.

They still hadn't heard from the lawyer about the release date. It was starting to make Juice nervous, I was already Wednesday again. He had tried to keep himself busy, focused on various tasks around the shop and the club. Even still his mind would focus on Chibs, on what he wanted for when the man got home. 

He knew the first night they would party, but the next night he wanted to go to the house. He wanted to just be alone with him, inside he was terrified that wouldn't happen. Too much club business needed to be handled, they'd get thrown back into the chaos as soon as the gate closed behind them. He worried even more that Chibs would feel differently about him when he came back. Technically he could pawn him off on Tig, what if he decided he didn't want the responsibility of being with Juice? 

Juice was cleaning his tools in the garage for probably the sixth time that day already, it was barely lunch time, and the shop wasn't busy. He has organized most of the room, it looked better than it really ever had. He knew it wouldn't stay that way but he had to do something with his hands. He sat his wrench down and went over to Chibs box, he started digging through it. He figured the man could at least come home to some sort of order, right? 

A flash of panic spread through him as he thought about the welcome back party. As far as he knew only four people inside the club knew about him and Chibs. Himself, Chibs, Tig, and Jax. Parties always had sweetbutts, lots of them, welcome back parties had even more and they all wanted a piece of the newly free men. Did their "only each other" agreement have a prison clause? Or a "just out of prison" clause? 

His stomach dropped, he felt his eyes stinging with tears. What if Chibs came home, got laid, which Juice figured ultimately he could handle the random sweetbutt lay, but what if he decided he liked pussy too much to give it up? Especially for a man who wasn't ready for sex with him, who liked to be ordered around, spanked, behaved like a child and couldn't manage to take care of himself on his own. 

A million "what ifs" ran through his mind on rapid fire. His eyes were fixed on Chibs tool box in front of him. He was sat on the work table they often shared, his feet dangling over the edge, wrench in his hand cleaned almost back to new.

“Gem, what's he doing?" Opie asked, staring at him in confusion from the office window. 

She sighed, and stood up from the crappy computer to look out. "I don't know baby. He hasn't been right for a long time, worse since the guys got locked up." 

Opie nodded, clearing his throat. "You know the cops were harassing him? He's been staying with Tig I think, because of it. There's something else going on here." He pointed at Juice through the window. "He's depressed or something."

Gemma patted his shoulder. "Needs a friend. You know everyone treats that boy differently, y'all never let him into your little circles. Chibs treats him like he belongs, who knows what Tig is putting him through?" 

"Ya know I went over a few times while he was still staying at home, and he just kept telling me I didn't have to stay." Opie sounded defensive now. 

"Are you dense Ope?" Gemma put her hands on her hips looking at him like she had so many times when he and Jax were in trouble. "You and Jax are thick as thieves, what could he possibly say to you? Y'all don't speak to him unless you need something, he probably felt like you were baby sitting him on Jax's order. I'd tell you to leave too." 

Opie sighed, she wasn't wrong. Juice was hard to get to know though, he never said much about himself.

  
"I'm going to take him out tonight, away from the club, get some steaks or something he will eat, maybe shark some pool or something." 

“We're his family Opie, he's been here for six years now, it's past time we start acting like his family." Gemma sat back down at the computer, shoving her glasses back onto her face.

Juice sat down the wrench he'd been cleaning, he decided to move on from Chibs cart and attack Tigs. Tigs was an entirely different chaos, at least Chibs cart was attempted to be organized, Tigs was not at all. He pulled out a drawer and dumped it out on the table. The clanging noise it made was loud enough to startle they guys around him in the shop. He blushed a little and apologized quietly.

He saw Opie strutting up to him, he wasn't sure why it made him nervous. They'd never been very close, but Opie was at least nice to him. The man was a giant though compared to everyone else, and his beard made him appear more rugged, his soft eyes were a stark contrast to his appearance. 

Juice busied himself, pretending like he hadn't noticed the man approaching him.

  
"Hey, Juice." He spoke softly trying not to spook him. 

Juice leaned back casually against the table, folding his arms over his chest. "What's up Opie?" 

Opie looked around at the mess Juice created, intrigued at what he was up too. "What are you doing in here?"

Juice blushed, not really knowing what to say. He knew he was being a dork, and really he shouldn't be messing with anyone else's tools. "I, um, I was just..."

Opie chuckled cutting him off. "I'm not going to tell and get you in trouble man. Though I think they will know who did this to their stuff. Your cart is the only one that looks this nice all the time. I'm sure they will appreciate the effort, for the whole thirty seconds it stays that way when they get back. Just leave mine alone, it's organized-ish in my own way." 

Juice looked relieved that Opie jokes about it instead of throwing him under the bus. "I'll leave yours out of it. Just trying to stay busy ya know? I'm at a dead end with the intel, until Jax gets back at least."

Opie nodded, he didn't really understand what Juice did but he knew it was important. "Well, you got plans tonight?" Opie just threw it out there, he didn't have to really ask anyone else they just hung out. Like Gemma said, they did treat Juice differently whether they meant to or not.

He shook his head no, assuming it was a club run or something.  
"Awesome, you wanna go shoot some pool? There's a uh, pub just outside of town, good steak."

  
Juice looked excited despite his effort to remain casual. Opie remained neutral not giving away that he noticed the way his eyes lit up at the invitation. There was still hesitance from Juice, inside he didn't want to let Opie down, he didn't want to be weird, he didn't eat steak. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and nodded.

"Yeah, uh that could be fun." Then a flash of panic went through him. They could play pool here, they could eat here, why did he want to take him off somewhere. Did the Sheriffs attempts to frame him work? Was Opie just messing with him and then he'd stand him up? Maybe he shouldn't go.

"You know, um, actually we don't have too. We can shoot pool here after the garage closes if you want too."  
Opie looked at him confused, he wasn't completely sure where the hesitation came from.  
"You don't want to be seen in public with me?" He tried to joke. It only increased the fear in Juices eyes, now he thought he'd offended the man. 

"Juice I was kidding. I just want to get away from the club. I like the pub, Jax and I used to go all the time before things got crazy. We can ask some of the other guys to go also. I uh, -he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly- I know you don't eat meat or whatever, but they have some killer cheese fries dude. And we can't hustle pool here, guys know what we can do already." 

Juice relaxed a little, Opies awkwardness made it a little more believable that he was genuine. He decided it maybe wouldn't be that bad to hang out with someone besides Tig. 

Tig still hadn't made it into the shop, probably being all domestic with Venus. The idea made Juice laugh, Tig was the last one of them anyone expected to settle down.

 ** _When we finish up here, I'm gonna go out with Opie and some of the other guys. That cool?_**  
He waited for Tig reply, watching Opie talk to some of the prospects. Inside he felt like he was only being included because no one else was available but maybe he could bond with the guys. 

 **:)** was all Tig sent back. Juice shook his head smiling.


	57. 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opie has good intentions, Juice makes a rash decision.

Juice parked his bike outside the pub, he was nervous. This was nothing like what he expected, though he really didn't know what to expect. There were a few people standing out on a patio with beer and cigarettes, he could hear music blasting from inside. He looked around the lot, searching for any recognizable bikes in the lot. 

He sat back on his bike, lighting up a smoke, deciding he'd wait for Opie to get there. It wasn't long before he heard the bikes pulling in the lot, he played it cool, tossing his smoke and stubbing it out as he got off his bike. He knew it would look like he hadn't been there as long as he had, which was better for his anxiety. 

Opie clapped him on the back, two prospects following behind them. "You ready to tear up the town? There's usually plenty chicks here, not like the sweetbutts but still eager to get our attention." Opie was laughing, obviously excited about the idea of new pussy but Juice felt panic creeping into him. 

The inside was dark, red and blue neon lights shone from the walls of tacky bar signs. Smoke billowed throughout the place, obviously they were exempted from the no smoking inside rule. Juice tried to calm himself looking around taking in the atmosphere.

Most of the club didn't know about his relationship with Chibs, the ones who did besides Tig didn't understand the depth of it. Juice was holding out, waiting for him to get home so he could finally give himself fully. He wanted it, maybe more than Chibs was ready for, but Juice was tired of waiting despite his reservations about what it would be like. 

Plus he'd promised in their arrangement that he would only be with him. Chibs didn't want to share, he couldn't just go sticking his dick into some girl because he was impatient. He hoped he could get out of the night unscathed, but given Opies prowling look he didn't think that would happen.   
Maybe one day in the future he could bring up maybe wanting a girl here and there, he was certain Chibs would want that too. For now, he'd hardly even jerked off, just trying to be as good as possible waiting. 

There were some guys throwing darts in one corner, the pool tables were in the back end. One of the prospects jogged ahead to get a table while Opie went over to the bar.   
Opie walked over to the table they'd snagged with pitchers of beer, a menu and a couple giggling girls. He poured the cups, challenging them to a chug off. Once they'd downed the first cup, Opie being the victor, he sent a prospect to grab a few more pitchers.   
One girl in particular had paler skin, auburn hair, golden eyes and all the right curves to get Juices attention. She eyed him shyly and his heart flipped. Dammit, he wanted to flirt with her, maybe even hook up with her.   
He tried to occupy himself with the menu, but Opie seemed insistent on them chatting up the girls that came over with him. Juice was a little annoyed that Opies mind didn't even seem to register that Lyla was sitting at home with his kids. If this was alright behavior for him, hell it seemed to be alright for most of the club anyway, maybe it was alright for Juice. None of the guys were completely faithful, what happened on a run stayed on a run, this wasn't a run, but it was out of town. 

The girl rubbed her hand down Juices bicep looking at his tattoo, bringing him out of his thoughts. "I'm Veronica. Guess you guys gotta thing for reapers, youve both got one. Whats it mean?"   
Juice felt his face flush a little, but his typical swagger started to take hold, Opie giving him an encouraging glance. 

"It's from the MC. Those two goons can't get them yet." He smiled that megawatt smile, he knew girls and boys alike went weak for that. Together he and Opie downed two more cups of beer, still apparently racing to chug them down. Juice triumphantly raised his hands in the air with a faux celebration as he beat Opie this time. The table laughed, Veronica inched closer to him, almost sitting herself in his lap. 

She took the opportunity while they refilled their cups to bring up the tattoos again.   
"So like a BFF tattoo! We've got one too, butterflies on our hip. Wanna see?"   
She tapped her friend on the arm. "Hey Shelia show them our club tattoos!" She giggled, speaking way louder than really necessary for the music, obviously they'd been drinking for a while. 

"You guys want a go? See which one of you can chug this down first?" Juice laughed with a tipsy confidence he hadn't felt in a long time. He poured them each a cup passing them out. The prospects watched in amazement at how smoothly Juice and Opie seemed to handle getting girls, completely unaware of the inner turmoil Juice was ignoring. 

Opie shook his head at their drunkenness but gripped Sheila around the waist to see them better. "Chug chug chug chug!" They all exclaimed together urging the girls on as they drank the beers.   
Opie winked at the prospects, motioning behind the girls in an immature way that they were getting laid. Sheila raised her hands the way Juice had, as she finished her beer first. Veronica pouted, but they laughed it off as she plopped herself down this time into Juices lap. He allowed it, liking the way it felt to have someone that close to him. He took in the scent of her, letting her laughter push out the guilt in his mind.   
"You ladies wanna step out somewhere quieter?" Opie spoke in a confident tone Juice envied for the moment.   
They both nodded yes and pointed to the back door of the building. "There's a patio out back, but no one uses it." Veronica grinned deviously.   
Juice chuckled, and downed the rest of his beer. The liquid courage flowing through him, had brought back a side of him he'd thought was surely gone for good since everything had gone down. Yet here he was, confidently going after this hot chick like he deserved her.   
As Veronica stood from his lap and started to walk with Sheila over to the bar, Juice spoke to the prospects.   
"This is what you guys have to look forward too. Good thing one of you brought the van!"   
Opie motioned between the prospects, letting them know to stay put, keep an eye out in case of any trouble. "We'll be back in a bit."   
He grabbed Juice by the elbow getting him to stand. They caught up with the girls and he placed his hand at the small of Veronica's back, he was slightly surprised at how easily this charade came to him. Maybe this would be good for him, let loose, bond with Opie.   
Chibs would understand... right?


	58. 58

Juice pressed Veronica up against the side of the building, feeling the heat of her body against his had his head spinning. His lips trailed over her neck, her soft whimpers music to his ears. Her arms flung around his neck trying to brace herself, as he lifted her body slightly. Her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as their bodies ground together.

He reached between them rubbing her through her panties, she was wet, he could feel her heat burning against his hand. "That's for me huh?"

She nodded into the crook of his neck, giggling as she bit softly at his dark skin. He used his body weight to hold her upright against the wall as he reached into his cut, praying there was still a condom in there. Lucky enough there was one, he tore it open, wiggled his pants just enough to free himself. It was awkward in this position, literally using his body strength to hold her, her body squeezing around him trying to hold herself stable as he worked the condom over his erection. He got it finally, going back to nipping at her neck, he pulled her panties to the side and rubbed his finger over her wet slit, teasing the swollen nub of her clit.

She shuddered against him, breathing out in a way that was driving him mad. He looked to his side and got a brief glimpse of Opie, his girl in his lap, skirt hiked up, obviously riding him. He took a breath and plunged himself into her tight heat.

"You do this often?" He breathed out with a slight chuckle.

She slapped his arm as he moved within her hitting all her best spots. "Actually... no. I've never done this before. This is me being brave... mmmmm right there!" She moaned out unable to finish her sentence.

"You. Know... you gotta... be careful doing this shit! His breathing was getting more difficult. He didn't know why he chose now to try to talk.

"I try to do one thing that scares me. Hooking up wasatthetopofthe liiiist!" She squealed as he dipped his hand between them again, letting his fingers work her clit.

"Guess I'd better make it worth it huh." He increased his speed, pounding into her. Her cries muffled by the bites she was leaving in his cut. He could faintly hear Opie and his girl moaning and grunting but they were all trying to be quiet. He felt her bod begin to shake, as her orgasm began to take hold, her walls clutching around him so deliciously, helping to bring him to his own release quicker than he'd expected. It was almost blinding how the lights flashed in his eyes as he tipped over the edge. He hadn't felt this in long time, it had been months since he'd last actually gotten laid.

He slowed his motions as the last of his orgasm washed through him, he gently pulled himself from her and slid her down the wall, so she could put her feet on the ground. She quickly adjusted herself, as he rolled off the condom, tossing it in the nearest trash can. He shoved himself back into his jeans, kissed her sweetly on the cheek, giving Opie a thumbs up, he  led her back inside the building.

"I'm going to run to the restroom, if you wanna hang out I'll meet you at our table in just a bit." He yelled over the music.

"I'm gonna go to the restroom also. Hey! Thanks for that!" She smiled blushing as they separated to go into the coordinating restrooms. While he was washing his hands Opie came in.

"Duuude. That was amazing." He congratulated Juice in a very satiated baritone voice.

Juice nodded in agreement, but then he thought. "Dude, they weren't like hookers or something were they?"

Opie laughed. "Nah man, we would have had pay upfront. They're just college girls looking for a good time. Not my first rodeo, you gotta come out with me more." Opie started peeing in the urinal, still looking at Juice.

"How drunk are you man? Guess you're going in the van huh?" Juice joked with him but he also meant it.

"Just enough. But I mean it bro, you're hot, it's helpful to have you as a wingman!"

Juice blushed and then groaned. "Can you not talk about how hot I am with your hand on your dick while you're pissing!" He laughed.

"Would you rather I just have my hand on my dick?"

Juices eyes went wide, _what the fuck was Opie talking about? Why would he say that? Surely he was just drunk talking right?_

"I'd rather just not be having this conversation. Meet you at the table? I still want my cheese fries, I'm starving now."

Opie finished up and nodded. As he started washing his hands Juice left the bathroom. The girls were at their table, though he'd kinda hoped they wouldn't be. He knew he was a bit of an asshole, but he didn't much care to get to know girls who put out that fast.

"I'm getting some food. Anyone else?" He asked casually.

Everyone except James one of the prospects said no. They agreed on sharing the cheese fries after they were assured they were gigantic. Opie pointed out the pool tables, hoping Juice still wanted to play.

"Hang on, I gotta take this call" he held up a finger and pulled his buzzing phone out. It was Tig, suddenly his heart dropped a little but he was too drunk to really focus on guilt. _What the fuck had he just done? Did Tig already know?_ Best thing he could think to do was act like Juice, given the amount of beer in his system that wasn't hard.

"What's up Tiggy?" He drunkenly giggled into the phone, he laughed harder when he saw Opies eyebrow go up.

"HEY TIG! YOU SHOULDA CAME OUT TONIGHT BRO!" Opie screamed boisterously. Juice shook his head and stepped away from the table.

"Juice, it's almost 2 AM. Guess you guys are having a good time?" Tig sounded amused, so that was good right?

"Yeah, I'm glad I came out. Pub closes at four, we're getting some food then probably heading out."

"Mmmm you sound like you need a ride Juan." He didn't sound like he was asking. A chill went up his spine at the voice.

"A prospect brought the van, he isn't drinking. He's gonna bring us home. Is Venus worried about her baby?" He was teasing and giggling, Tig knew he was wasted. He tried to not get annoyed at him for being an idiot, this was the most like himself he'd sounded in a long time.

"Of course she is, cause he isn't tucked in down the hall. You know how she gets, can't let go. I'm glad you're having fun though. It was good for you to go out. Daddy will be glad you had a good time."

Just like that the world started to crumble around him a little more. "Y-Yeah. He will be glad I had fun with Opie. Our food is here, want me to call you when we leave?" He knew he was skating on thin ice and he wouldn't be able to keep up this charade for long.

"No, you have a key. Be quiet coming in, you don't want to mess up the beauty sleep any more than your absence already has." He chuckled.

"Alright. I'll do my best. I get giggly when I'm drinking though Tiggy."

"I know. Be careful Juan, I'll see you soon." They hung up the phone. He sauntered his way back to the table.

"Tig was just making sure we didn't need rides. He's turning into such an old man now that he's got Venus!"

Opie rolled his eyes. "I know, I can't believe dude is settling down."

Juice shrugged. "It's good for him." They dug into their fries before they decided to play a few rounds of pool. Juice wasn't sure when the girls left the pub but he wasn't upset about it. He knew Veronica had slipped her number into his pocket but he wouldn't call her. If anything he'd give it to the prospect.

Despite his mental set backs tonight had been fun, he knew tomorrow would be a whole new ball game though.

The prospect parked outside of Tigs house, the other prospect followed on his own bike. Together the two of them carefully worked Juices bike out of the back of the van, Opie and Juice giggling and picking on them the entire time.

"Thanks for tonight Opie, I really appreciate it."

Opie pulled him into a hug. "Anytime man, I needed this too."

They piled back into the van leaving Juice waiving at them like one of those noodle guys in a used car lot. It was 4:30 in the morning, it felt like yesterday was days ago, and his drunken stupor was in purgatory of coming down but still going strong.

He tried to be quiet as he stumbled into the dark house, he couldn't stop giggling. He toed off his shoes at the door like Venus insisted on, he hung his cut on the rack and started down the small hallway towards the main part of the house.

He stumbled through the living room, bumping into the coffee table, he knocked over the lamp, but caught it before it hit the floor. He decided Tig had too much stuff as he made his way carefully to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. He had to lean against the wall for support, feeling for his door, any door really. The hall light turned on and he noticed Tig was standing there.

His wild hair in every direction, hands on his hips, a sleepy Venus peeking out behind him with her hair in curlers, neither of them smiling. It wasn't funny, Juice knew he was in trouble but he couldn't stop laughing. He felt like a teenager about to get scolded by his parents, cept this was probably going to be worse.  The guilt started to creep in as he remembered tomorrow, well today was Thursday. He would see Chibs in a few hours, Tig wasn't going to let him get out of confessing his drunken night out to the man. Though he didn't think Chibs would be too upset, cept for the parts Tig didn't know about.

He grinned up at Tig trying to look sweet and innocent but instead looking like a Cheshire Cat. 

"Juice go shower, you wreak of smoke, booze, and weird perfume. We will talk in the morning. I expect you up no later than eight, were due at Stockton by ten."  Tig spoke sternly, but he was grinning a little bit, obviously glad Juice had let go a little and had a good time.

He stood frozen still grinning when Venus spoke up.

"I'd suggest you start moving now Juan. Im ready to go back to bed, and a sleepy Venus is not someone you want to tango with mister." She snapped her fingers and pointed at the bathroom door.

"You'd better wash that skank off while you're in there. Not much you can do for that hickey." She chided him, but laughed as the panic washed over his face.

"You're so bad Venus. Leave that boy alone. He probably just flirted, nothing wrong with that. Come on, let's get back to bed before I'm not able to let you sleep, leave hickeys on you where no one else'll see em." Tig was kissing her neck as he spoke, walking her backward into their bedroom. She giggled but huffed in annoyance also.

Juice was afraid to look in the mirror, there was no way he could face Chibs if he had a hickey. He was going to have to come clean, hickey or not, his conscience was going to eat him alive.

He showered off quickly trying to stay awake in the process. He pulled on his clean boxers and stumbled into the bed room. He plopped himself down right in the middle of Tig and Venus, not even caring he was in the wrong bed.

They startled at his presence but he was snoring before they could say anything. Venus let out a laugh and mumbled to herself something about “ _these damn drunken Sons are going to give me grey hair.”_ Is what Tig thought he heard. He smiled as they molded themselves around the lump of Juan in between them, drifting back off to sleep.


	59. 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To keep this from being too long, I think this will wind down this part of the story. One more chapter and then I’ll start the next installment. Does that sound alright with everyone? This is the longest story I’ve written and it’s no where near done. Not sure how many parts it will have. I’m almost done with chapter 60, and I’ve started chapter 1 of the next part. Hopefully they will posted soon. :) Thank you so much for following along with these crazy ideas and my love for this “crack-ship”   
> Thank you “OnlyOneWoman” and “TCD” for inspiring me to start chasing these rabbits!

Venus woke Juice carefully, knowing he'd probably have a raging hang over. Today was important though, he was meeting with Chibs at Stockton, Lowell would also be there. They'd get the news of the plea, and a release date. Venus being the wonderful person that she was, wanted to make sure Juice was awake before her beloved Tig.

 

"Let's get some breakfast in you before we wake the Tiger huh?" She whispered as he fumbled out of the bed.

 

His eyes were blurry, he rubbed them in vain trying to clear the fog. His mouth tasted like stale beer, a wave of nausea washed over him. He took a breath fighting it down, stepping quietly into the hallway heading towards the bathroom.

 

He could smell breakfast cooking when he stepped back into the hallway, making his mouth water a little.

“It’s seven thirty Venus, Tig said eight.” He grumbled despite his smile.

 

“Sit. Thought it would be better this way. So, do eggs count as meat?” She pointedly changed the subject.He could tell by her tone something was off with her.

 

“Is everything okay?” He asked timidly, but still very blasé.

 

“Everything is fine... on the surface. You seem more like... mmm yourself.” His face dropped a little, crinkling his brow in confusion. He did feel a little more like himself, his confident self. He did have a strong ego, before the club started to tear him down. He’d liked himself in spite of his doubts and his flaws. Now, he just felt like a fuck up most of the time, and the things he was into didn’t exactly make him feel like less of a fuck up.

“Venus, did I do something to upset you?” He asked almost bluntly.

She looked at him with a very serious expression. Sighing she figured it was better to just get it off her chest and be honest.

“You’ve got an arrogance about you that’s always been a slight put off, to me. I know it gets you points with the guys. I used to worry what you _actually_ thought of someone like me, the way you’d look at me, like you’re doing now. Confused and disgusted though tolerating me. I’ve gotten to know you in a way that tells me there’s more to you than that. You’re not so shallow. Underneath that person you’re a sweetheart, a good guy, but this you, guarded, closed off, the guy that makes girls cry cause he doesn’t call them back... I’m not a big fan of him.”

 

He felt totally dumbstruck, he wasn’t sure what he’d done to make her feel that way.

“I, um... Venus, I’m sorry that I’ve ever made you feel that way. I don’t even know what to say to that. I don’t have _any_ issue with who you are.” He swallowed trying to think of words that wouldn’t be offensive.

“I love you, and Tig.” A blush spread over his face. “Going out last night, feeling like things were getting back to a good place, like Opie night even like me... it made me feel good. I want the guys to like me, like for real and not just _tolerate_ me. Ya know?” He had felt good about last night, he even felt good about getting laid, excited even. He wanted to tell Chibs it had happened because for the first time in a long while he hadn’t felt lost.

 

She rubbed his back, and then plated his food.

“I know what you mean. I just hope that as you find your footing again, you maybe learn how to co-exist with in yourself. You can be cool and still be a nice guy. You and me, we got more in common than you might think.” She dropped a kiss on his head.

 

“Eat your breakfast, I’m going to wake the beast.” She sashayed out of the kitchen.

 

Juice laughed as he heard Tig waking up. He sounded less than pleased, and Juice knew he’d get some sort of retribution for last night.

 

Tig stalked into the kitchen, Venus hot on his heels, he glared at Juice when he saw him smiling up at him.

“Mornin sunshine!” Juice greeted him.

 

Tig grunted in response, he grabbed Juices short hair in his fingers and pulled his head slightly to the side.

“You had an eventful night.” He flicked the bruise on his neck.

Juice had forgotten about it actually, he lifted his hand and rubbed the spot on his neck. He couldn’t stop the grin on his face.

“Something like that. Didn’t want to be rude, can’t wait to tell Chibs.”

 

Tig raised a brow and then shook his head. He didn’t know all the details of their relationship, he wasn’t going to pry.

 

“You think the lawyer will have good news? I’m so ready for this nightmare to be over.” Juice sipped his milk, looking at Tig over the glass.

 

Tig was never very chatty in the morning, and Juice knew he was tired.

 

“I’m sure she will. I’m sure the guys inside are more ready than we are.” He moaned in happiness as the warmth of the caffeinated heaven settled in his belly.

 

“Also, um... I’m sorry about last night. I should have just had them take me to my place, but I didn’t want you to worry.”

 

Tig smirked at him, looking devious and pleased simultaneously. 

“We will deal with your behavior later, but I am glad you came here. We would have been concerned if you hadn’t shown up. Also, it’s good you had a good time with some of the guys. I’m sure you needed it.”

He didn’t speak again until he’d finished his breakfast, Juice didn’t interrupt him.

 

“Thank you for breakfast Venus.” Juice offered for the both of them. She smiled sweetly at him, and took their plates.

 

“You’re most welcome, I enjoy the days I get to be simply domestic, I know it’s right traditional. The chaos the club life brings into our lives though, makes me cherish it even more.”

Tig beamed at his love, he enjoyed her being his traditional homemaker, it was a life he wanted to provide for her full time.

 

“May I be excused? Gonna get ready.” Tig and Venus both nodded.

 

“What the hell are we gonna do with that boy?” Tig sighed, stifling a smile.

 

“Keep him whole till Chibs gets back. He’s making progress, he just doesn’t seem as hollow as he was. I don’t know exactly what happened last night, but it seemed to help his confidence.” Venus quipped.

 

Tig rubbed his hands over his face. “I know, it’s almost a shame I’m going to have to punish him for being out so late and being so loud when he came in.”

 

Venus laughed now, shaking her head. “Do you _have_ too? I mean we knew he was going out with Opie, that he’d be out late and probably drunk. Why do you have to punish him?” She didn’t understand what they got out of this arrangement nearly as much as she understood the arrangement itself.

 

Tig didn’t know how to really explain, so he just started to ramble.

“He _needs_ me too. That confidence will crumble like a house a cards in front of a box fan if I don’t enforce the rules. He knows he was naughty according to our agreement, to their agreement. If I ignore it, let him off the hook because I’m actually glad he went out, will just confuse him. That’s how this works. If I don’t do it, it will eat at him, waiting for something to happen. Like a festering wound. By the time Chibs gets home to handle it, boy will be a nut case.”

 

Venus sort of understood what he meant, but mostly she just supported him. “I think that boy is going to be nut case when he comes home regardless. If he doesn’t explode from happiness first.”

 

Juice froze in the doorway as he heard them talking about him. He wasn’t worried, he was relieved if anything, to hear them talking about him.

“Tiggy you better go get ready! It’s almost time to go. Also I might explode Auntie Venus, I keep praying that they will get to come home.”

 

Venus looked surprised. “You pray?”

 

Juice blushed deep red as he nodded. “Raised Catholic, _very_ Catholic. I’ve struggled with my faith over the years, but it’s not something that ever goes away. That Catholic guilt thing is something Chibs and me have in common.” He laughed uncomfortably.

 

Tig and Venus both looked at him with similar expressions of surprised acceptance on their face.

“Alright then. Just didn’t expect that. I’ll be back in a few, then we can head out.” Tig kissed Venus on the cheek and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

 


	60. 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end of this part. I didn't want each "book" to get drawn out too long so I'm going to break it up. I cannot wait to get started on the next part. I'm so surprised this has 60 chapters, this started out as an idea for a one shot. Thank you so much to everyone who has kept up with me on this journey.  
> I hope you're excited to see where our guys end up.

Every time the steel doors clanged shut, and the buzzer sounded it made Juice cringe. Even being just a visitor, he felt the panic rise that he wouldn't get to leave. Tig wasn't separated this time, and Lowell met them in the corridor that split for visitation and conferences.

 

On the way down the hallway, they met Opie as he left his visitation with the guys. His face was flushed a little red but he was smiling, winking at Juice slyly as he passed them. Juice knew something was going on, he hoped something good because they never got to meet in groups, not like this. Lowell quietly led them down into one of the legal briefing rooms. As often it went, you didn't say anything outside of those rooms you didn't want heard.

 

Another door clicked lock behind them as they entered the room. Lowell gestured for them to take a seat, as she laid her folders out in front of them.

"Morning gentlemen. The others will join us soon, but I wanted to take a moment to speak with you both while we wait. If I understand correctly you're currently the next in line considering everyone inside?"

Tig nodded. "Juicey here is just attached." He laughed getting a glare and an eye roll from Juice.

 

"Well as I said before they've got nothing to hold them here for. Not really. There are a few minor set backs however. With recent developments in club activities, things cannot be the same out there like usual. I know we go through this every time one of you gets out but this time I mean it. This false imprisonment was a blessing, it just kicked off so many charges. After everything they have pending on the Sons... fifteen years is a long time. Just because the current charges cannot be pressed, doesn't mean they cannot keep hold of any evidence not brought forward at this time in court. They've retained most of it, which means once fuck up and you can all go down." She took a breath to let the words sink in.

 

"Some of you, aren't getting any younger Mr. Trager, and the newer models... -she raised a brow in Juices direction- ... aren't exactly built like they used to be. It's not often anyone survives sentences like that. The rate of survival drops exponentially after ten years. A stint like that could wipe this Sons charter off the map. I think it's time you boys consider what you love more. Each other, or money." She was silent, the air hanging thick and heavy around them.

 

Her words ran through Juices head like a pinball machine. Chibs had mentioned similar thoughts, about getting out, Jax wanting to go legit, but it's not that easy. Juice needed the club, he needed family, but did the club have to be synonymous with crime? He had a family right? The club was a broken family, everyone was constantly turning on each other, innocent men had died or been hurt because of rumors, and alleged backstabbing.

 

O'Neal was a bad man, he'd haunted many of Juices dreams, controlled most of his life until he escaped. That was just it though, he did escape, he made it from Queens, all through the shit parts of the country to bumfucking Charming. Did he really need this kind of life, did Chibs? This kind of life made them hide who they were, how was that family?

 

Juice was so wrapped in his thoughts he hadn't noticed when Lowell left the room, and then re-entered with Chibs, and Jax.

 

"Juicey boy? Ye alrigh lad?" Finally Chibs voice broke through. He shook his head clearing his mind and looked up at Chibs. His face flushed when he realized everyone was staring at him with confused looks. He put his hands up in playful surrender.

 

"'M not high you guys. Just thinking." He smiled his megawatt smile at them.

 

Lowell took her seat back across the table from them, the other two sat in the extra chairs drug in by the guard.

 

Chibs hand rested on Juices thigh under the table, he could feel the boy practically vibrating. "I'm happy tae see ye Juice. I wannae hug ye." He whispered in his ear, smiling at the reddening of his ears.

 

"Alright boys, I've got your documents, everything is as I mentioned earlier. I've already spoken to these two Jackson. They seem to be in agreement as well."

 

Jax leaned forward a little bit, hands folded on the table. "So we just need to sign these now and then what?" He asked with a tone that almost sounded like an annoyed teenager.

 

Lowell smirked at him, and continued. "You ready for this part?" She teased them all.

 

Juice felt like he was going to burst open if the lady didn't hurry up and tell him what he'd been waiting to hear since he woke up. Everyone else appeared to be holding their breath as well.

 

"You sign these, stating that you have a contingency plan in place to pull out of all known criminal activities. You understand and have denied WP. You all understand that while the MC can still exist your point of business going forward has to be legal. You boys are good at what you do, I'm sure you'll find ways to do what you need to do. They are allotting you all a six month immunity to get the appropriate affairs in order for some other criminal to take over for whoever you all work with."

They all had similar looks on their faces, dumbstruck, thankful for flat out luck.

 

"I already know the answer to this next part, but they are offering complete immunity to anyone in the club who chooses to turn states witness on any of your current connections. They offer protection while you make the changes and phasing out. Legally I am required to tell you, and make the offer."

 

Jax scoffed, as did everyone else, not at offense with her but at the idea of it all.

 

"Lastly, you boys that are currently incarcerated will be required to complete a work ready course at the community college. They take approximately fourteen months to complete, they have auto shit and stuff like that. Get you all some certifications, look like you're trying to move forward. In reality this is a good deal, it would be especially good for the younger guys to have a fall back plan. Viewing your current club accounts, TM could offer an employee incentive and send all of your employees for required certifications, that would give you a tax break on it. I'm prepared to help you go through all of those transitions Jackson."

She smiled politely, genuinely hoping the man had brains in his head and would complete the courses. With everything required to keep them out of prison TM could very well go under in the long run and many of the guys had no back up plans. Sending them right back to criminal activities.

Jax nodded considering everything, but sighing because this isn't what he cared about currently.

 

Lowell laughed now. "We can discuss all of this later. What you boys want to know is when you get to go home right?"

 

A collective sigh went through the room.

"For fucks sakes yes!" Juice blurted out, meaning for the words to stay inside his head, he raised his hand to his mouth.

 

Chibs and Tig squeezed a knee, making his stomach flip but calming him as well. "Sorry." He whispered making Jax laugh.

 

"Well, what he said." He nodded at Lowell with a smile, wanting her to get on with it.

 

"Tomorrow morning, eight AM. You guys, and the guys back in the cells are free to go. Of course we will have to meet within the first week to draw up documents to present in regards to everything but... congratulations men, God has graced you with a pardon." They all grinned, standing to shake her hand.

 

"I've booked the room for an additional hour, you all may stay and enjoy your time together. I'm going to see another client." She wiggled her fingers in a wave before banging on the door to leave.

 

Chibs wasted no time in scooping Juice up into his arms as squeezing him. "I'm so happy to see ye lad. Tomorrow things'll be good again. Ye and I'll take a ride up to nowhere and spend some time after Lowell gets all this shite together with Jackie boy." He cradled his face in his hands.

 

"Don't be gross. I said I supported whatever this was, I don't want to watch." Jax teased, making gagging noises. Juice blushed even more, pulling away from Chibs hold.

 

He felt Chibs grip his neck, turning him back towards him. "Wha's this lad?" He rubbed his finger over the bruising on his neck. Juice raised his hand to cover it, trying not to make eye contact.

 

"He went out with Opie and some guys last night. Came back like that, I'm assuming Opie didn't do it." Tig teased, Jax crossed his arms smirking, but trying to gauge what was about to happen.

 

"Ye got some tail then? Thought ye looked a little less wound up today." Chibs squeezed his shoulder, smiling at him.

 

"Jackie ima need ye to turn away, don't want ye to loose yer lunch." Chibs accent was heavy, his voice sounded rough making the hairs on Juices neck stand up. Tig tensed a little but relaxed when he noticed the bulge in Chibs orange scrub pants. He laughed and pulled Jax into a different corner of the room so they could talk, or something, anything but be witness to whatever was about to go down.

 

Juice met Chibs eyes, his playful confidence from last night bubbling to the surface in a way it hadn't before with Chibs, when he saw the smirk on the mans face. Chibs backed him up against the nearest wall, hands planted on either side of him keeping him from moving, Juices breath hitched. His mouth right next to his ear, Juice could feel the heat from his breath, he was fighting himself not to turn and kiss this man.

 

"Guess I'm going to need to do some work then." He bit down on Juices neck, sucking a spot right next to the current mark he had. Juice let out a moan he hadn't meant to, he heard the snickers from the other two occupants of the room.

"Gonnae punish ye, for being so naughty, and disobeying my rule. Spank yer lil ass till it's nice and red." He growled against his skin, kissing over his collar bone and back up his jaw line.

 

"Then I'm going to make sure ye don't even remember whoever put that there, cover ye with my own marks, finally claim yer body as my own." His hand clenched Juices jaw, as he pressed his lips against his, his thigh wedging between Juices, grinding into him some, daring him to move.

 

Juice whimpered at the words, his body was on fire, he trembled with want and need, almost panic at the idea he might cum just from Chibs jealous voice. Chibs let out a breathy chuckle. "Woul ye like tha? Ye wan me to take ye, give ye a reason not to stray from me?" His voice rumbled so low Juice could feel the vibrations in his chest.

 

"Yes please, god please Fillip." He whimpered his voice broken and ragged, uncaring of the potential audience they currently had. If Chibs had offered he would have let him take him across the table right now, in front of the whole club, jail, God and his mother. Chibs let out another sound, a mix between a moan and a chuckle.

"Can't wait to get ye home lad." His voice softened, he planted a kiss on the side of Juices head, and then his lips before putting some space between them.

 

Juice slumped against the wall, catching his breath. His face was fire engine red as he came back to himself, hyper aware of where they were. His president just saw them, heard him, embarrassment flooded him. He tried to hide his face in Chibs shoulder as the other man addressed the room.

 

"So tomorrow ye all will meet us here per usual? Drive back as a crew."

Tig nodded looking to Jax for confirmation.

 

"Well have church the next day. Give everyone time to party and get settled, or fucked in your case Juice." Jax kept his voice even and completely serious as if he was giving an order. Juice opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, so he whined in embarrassment and hid his face again. Jax burst out laughing at his self and Juices response.

 

"Sorry Chibs, I cannot keep a straight face." Chibs flipped him the bird and kissed Juice on the head again. Tig smiled, pushing down the jealousy he felt at the display. Soon enough things would go back to normal. What the fuck ever that meant.

 

They heard the locks on the door turning meaning time was up. Juices heart sank a little but he was still giddy knowing they'd all be together again soon.

 

"Get some rest, we'll be here in the morning." Tig spoke fondly, clapping them each on the shoulder. "Sure there will be a big party when I announce it tonight. The girls will have something put together. These two might not be hanging around for the party." Tig joked , laughing when Chibs shoved him softly.

 

The guards took Jax and Chibs out of the room, another officer came in to get them, leading them out to the main entrance. The doors buzzed locked and clanged shut behind them. Juice sent up a silent prayer that this would be the last time he had to hear that awful sound.


End file.
